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Q: Do Chinese people spoil their daughters?
My friend recently had twin babies (a boy and a girl) and we were speculating on the ways they'd be different or similar as they grow up. I was really shocked when he essentially told me that his daughter was going to be spoilt and they'd make a point of spoiling her- his reasoning was that if he treated her like a princess then she would find a man who would treat her the same way... have you come across this?
9 years 44 weeks ago in Family & Kids - China
YES- and they grow up unhappy because no one will ever be good enough and they are insufferable to be around. Although aren't boys supposed to be given preferential treatment?
I know my current girlfriend as well as my ex gf were both anything but spoilt by their parents. I've never actually heard anything about girls getting more spoilt than boys, I just thought the Chinese parenting style of spoiling their kids and at the same time put them under extreme pressure was about the same for both girls and boys.
If they treat their two children differently, then don't they suck pretty bad ?
Some parents will raise a girl to have certain material expectations that will only be met through a husband with a large salary and therefore be unlikely to marry for emotional attachment (i.e. against their wishes). They look on this as one way to secure their financial security in their old age.
She will also probably never learn to be independent and stay under their influence longer.
I have seen many children here being bribed to behave and being showered with gifts: girls as well as boys. The result of this i see in my university students: girls as well as boys who pout and sulk if you try to get them to take part in class.
However, your friend, being a new parent, was probably not speaking with any much thought. Given a few months, the tune could change.
Spoil them, and then sell them for the highest price possible.
@Vyborg, Sorrel and other feministic chicks on the forum
You might find this book very interesting http://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/jun/05/leftover-women-gender-inequality-china
Also, it will (most likely) be published in Chinese, if you have some Chinese friends who you think could benefit from hearing about how they are treated.
Vyborg:
I'll check that out some day soon, thanks, I think. What do you know about a Chinese translation? I didn't see that in the link you mentioned and it seems so improbable... unless it will be available outside China only.
Scandinavian:
@Vyborg. Chinese translation should be on the way, as per an interview with the author
In my experience here families who have a boy and a girl treat the girl like a 2nd class citizen. Boy gets everything, girl takes pot luck.
In Gansu Province girls must eat on the floor in another room with all other females who might be about.
I think Chinese society is, by and large, fucked right up. But perhaps I come at it from another paradigm.
Chinese kids, boys and girls, are all badly spoilt and raised selfish and short-tempered. It has nothing to do with the gender.
Chinese children in general are spoiled, at least in the developed cities (from what I've heard, in the villages, children are less likely raised with the sense of entitlement, partly since the families don't have the means to spoil them).
There is a bit of a difference, though. Boys are spoiled, and this is tempered by the expectation that they will eventually have to marry and support a wife (work to provide her money), and a child, as well as parents (on both sides). Girls are raised to expect to be taken care of, that they can find a "good husband" to "take care" of them (a "good husband" being a rich guy, or at least a guy who works hard and hands over his money to her, and "take care of" meaning "give as much material wealth as possible").
China still has strongly traditionalist views on gender roles, both for men and women (though, often, we only see the negatives for women, when the system harms both).
Men and women expect men to be providers. It's why wealth and earning potential are much more important for women choosing a husband, than for men choosing a wife.
hm ,i am a chinese girl ,i think you misunderstood your friend, to spoil your daughter can make her become more careful and picky on their selection. they mostly are more self-respect ,i am sorta spoiled but i dont act like a princess .i dont think its a bad thing if you know how to spoil them in a good way.
hunana:
I don't think self respect comes from giving someone whatever they want...
raykwan121:
@hunana , i think there is a culture crash between chinese and westerner ,thats why its hard for you to understand this opinion. if their parents can afford what their daughter wants and there is nothing wrong to give . some parents is trying to avoid their daughter to seek for men to afford things they want to buy when they are still too young to do thing like that. some teenage girls will really do some stupid things for money. so they think spoil is a way to protect them to be used by money. sometimes it works ,sometimes doesnt .it depends.
It depends on how poor they *perceive* themselves to be. Rich families will pamper their daughters if they feel they can, out of love, or just to display their excesses. Poor families may treat their daughters as saleable possessions that would be a waste to spend anything more than clothing or make-up on, which is a textbook set-up for abuse of all kinds. But there are many, *many* poor families that don't prioritize wealth accumulation over their daughters' wellbeing all the time (a Chinese cynic would say "that's why they're poor"). The middle class is a mixed bag, veering far too much towards abuse than pampering, considering their financial means. But you can be sure that there are many extremes of abuse and spoiling/pampering to be found. Very little balance, I'm afraid, as China still seems to have backwards black/white attitudes: All or nothing, and very little in between. That's why sane/normal Chinese girls (and men) are like a needle in a haystack.
