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Q: Do I want to stay?
I have been having a meltdown over the past few weeks... It came to a crescendo tonight... Do I want to stay?
Hell yes. I want to stay.
What do you think? Difficult path or easy path?
Here's what helps me.
Make a plan to leave China. Where you could go... what kind of job you could do and then even prepare the funds to do it. Just let it sit...
This will relax you because all of the sudden, the feeling of being "trapped" in China... will turn into a choice. And in my world, that can mean all the difference I need to remind myself... it is MY CHOICE to still be here.
Difficult path while drunk has always been the way to go !... Maybe it is the same as the easy path and the alco-fog makes it hard to navigate the path.
ScotsAlan:
foggy yes. drunk... yes... too drunK to understand.....no...
In both cases, it requires courage, and none will be easy. Think of the kids, think of the family. Talk with your spouse. If you need to drown something in alcohol, maybe you should try to look at it right in the eyes.
ScotsAlan:
I think in my case the family is the problem. I want the family to be together... the extended family that is.
It seems a bit selfish to me... to split a family apart because I have a BCD meltdown.
You could make a list of the top 5 or 10 things which bother you about living in China- not the little things like not being able to find your favorite brand of shampoo but the serious problems which do or could affect you and your family's health, safety and quality of life now and in the future.
Then look at the things on the list to see if you can change any of them. If you can't change them, can you in any way insulate yourselves from them?
I think some expats insulate themselves from certain bad things by throwing money at the problems. That's one way, but you need to decide how much you're willing to spend. You can also use elbow grease and cleverness to fix certain problems ( grow your own organic vegetables, homeschool your kids, use DIY skills to somehow soundproof your house) but there are only 24 hours in the day. Again, how much time and energy can you give?
Make another list of problems you would face if you moved back home. Not temporary challenges but problems that won't go away easily.
Compare the two lists and see how things look. It's not going to give you an easy answer, but it may help clarify your thinking.
ScotsAlan:
I like the list idea... but I am not a list making person.
My second wife was a list maker. She was so keen on list making that she would make a pro/con list when deciding what brand of baked beans to buy.
But that's not why she is an ex-wife 
You are mistaken. You want to leave. You don't want to stay. These are not the droids you're looking for.
Shall I beam you up, Scotty?
eh... how many to beam up? One at a time only. We've been experiencing interference from a polarizing atmospheric storm that limits the transporter capacity.
ScotsAlan:
Ha ha. Yes please... beam me up.
Darn it... the transporter beam has not been invented yet.
Ah well... next best thing... I have booked this afternoon off work. I will take daughter to the indoor play park. Daddy daughter time. Calibrate myself against the most important bench mark 
Well life is all about compromises, isn't it? Whether you stay or you go, you will have to choose a set of things, both good and bad. The key is to choose the set which is best for you. What will you gain and loose by staying? What will you gain and loose by going? Make a list, then put it away for 2-3 days to get some distance and perspective, then take a look at it again. I've done this twice in three years here.
You could try teaching English in the KSA for a few years. Great salary, accommodation, some schools even pay for your kids' tuition as well. If you go there with a family you wouldn't be as segregated as single males would.
Hotwater:
Would be a good idea except he's an Engineer, not a teacher! Not all us expats in china teach. Some of us do.....
Here's what helps me.
Make a plan to leave China. Where you could go... what kind of job you could do and then even prepare the funds to do it. Just let it sit...
This will relax you because all of the sudden, the feeling of being "trapped" in China... will turn into a choice. And in my world, that can mean all the difference I need to remind myself... it is MY CHOICE to still be here.
Your children can be Scottish, but you can never be Chinese. Dumb question.
