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Q: Do people here get a little too retarded about tip toeing around Chinese?
I see alot of questions like (and this is not intended to insult the posters) "What's a polite way to refuse KTV?" or "Is it rude to not accept a cigarette?" or "Will I be forced to drink?"
You guys ARE aware Chinese people are human, right? It's not like they're an exotic pet and if you feed them the wrong food or keep the temperature too low they'll die. They CAN easily understand if you're not interested in doing everything they suggest.
Ummm yes and no. Many can accept it, but there are still lot that refuse the accept and look down apon anything outside of their cultural norm. And that's just on normal stuff. For the three examples you chose, refusing an invite, smoke, or toast... well that could easily be taking as a slap in the face from a laowai that is too good to partake. No matter where in the world, one must follow social tact to at least appear civil with interacting with others. Each culture has their own rules for said social tact, and I have to give respect to those posters that want to take the time to learn the best way as to not change their beliefs but how to let the locals down easy.
Because when you're from countries like the U.S. , the UK, etc you have to be sensitive to other cultures ... even though they don't have to be sensitive to yours . If you're not people will say you're ignorant . If they're not people will just say it's cultural differences . That's just how it is .
Yes, but I understand why, as when I first came to China i was paranoid about offending my hosts.
But after a couple of months, this changed and I no longer felt compelled to act the same way. Now if there is something I don't want to do, I say no, if there is some food they are offering me that freaks me out, I say no. I won't even begin to tell the stories of the places they took me when I first arrived!!
nevermind:
I'm sure they have a game with FOBs "let's see what we can get this guy to eat!"
deefoe:
my FOB story involved a little person named midge (pretty sure that wasn't his real name), a back alley, a deck of cards, some random scenes from what seemed like Goodfellas... this is just a different place. surreal
What you call tip toeing, I call good manners. KTV for example. If I were not in the mood to go I would say "no thank you, how about next time" the same way I would in the States if invited to a baseball game and I were not in the mood. Out of curiosity, how would you refuse KTV or a drink here in China and back in your home country?
Mr_spoon:
In my home country it'd be "No thanks, perhaps another time" In China, it would something like "my parents are visiting" or "My wife is sick" or any little lie without consequences.
You do know that face is important, right? How can it be called "looking down" when one is aware of the many cultural differences between his country and China, and trying to find a way to respect the local culture and be polite?
It's not so hard to adjust your behavior a little, and it'll avoid you looking like the "ignorant white cow-boy who thinks the world bends to his will".
GuilinRaf:
Since he is neither American nor Argentine so he cannot be a cowboy...
On another note, yes, face is EXTREMELY important here and even though we can never truly understand it, I think we need to do our best to make sure those we interact with do not lose it.
Mr_spoon:
Well I knew he wasn't necessarily American, but what I meant was when Chinese people see foreigners, their first guess is American.
For KTV, you just say "sorry I have some-thing to do".
Take the cigarette (that's the gesture complete, happy faces all round) then, if they try to light it for you just say "wo bu chou yan" I don't smoke.
And why would you not toast? I think that's just rude in any culture. EVEN if you are from US or UK, as someone nicely pointed out.
