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Q: Do you believe that a girl is 27 and have never dated ?
In China, there are still some traditional girls. They haven't dated anyone, and deep in side they are very shy
Even though they have reach the age of 27 to 30 or more. They are still virgin. They have a general name which is "sheng nv " . Do you believe it ? And what do you think of this issue? Normal? ridiculous ? or crazy ?
10 years 31 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Do you believe that these "leftover" girls are still virgins? I find that hard to believe. The reason why they are leftover is because they didn't like their partners or broke up with them. Even the ones in the villages are doing the same thing. For them, Mr Right has got to have the usual house and car to start with, and a respectable job so that she can be supported. However, the leftovers in Shanghai are more, let's say, open minded? They are into their late twenties and early thirties but in no hurry to get married. No virgins here. Anyway, what's the value of a virgin these days? Value as in what values does virginity hold today as opposed to 20 years ago. I'm not sure us guys can appreciate it.
sevenyan:
I know for western counties, You guys might not care about virgin or not. But in China, It's true that some of the traditional girls who are not really open minded are still virgin. According to their thought, they think their first time should be with their husband. Unfortunately , They can't find the right one to get married.So they remain virgin.
Sheng nv doesn't mean they are still a virgin. It means they've not settled down, not that they've never dated.
Why hurry, men are a disappointment on every single aspect anyway.
With sex imbalance going on, they're gonna have to learn to cut on their middle-age mindset like caring about virginity.
i have heard from some of the girls i teach that their parents, especially their mother's, are pressuring then not to date and remain virgins.
presumably this is to push up the 'compensation' they can demand from the future son-in-law.
One girl has told me she has to have regular medical checks.
TMaster:
Medical checks are for the one child policy. Twice a year. Course it's not about your well being but about enforcing the rule. There's the yet-another-booklet, if you're good to go, you get the stamp.
sorrel:
the medical check is not for the one-child policy.
it is something her mother makes her have done to check that she is still a virgin
I know woman, 36, she had a BF at 23, he cheated on her and beat her up, she is still a virgin. She is like many Chinese women, doesn't know how to even kiss.
TedDBayer:
not sad, nice girl, I dated her for 3 years, now you know why I had so many friends that work in barber shops.
It's true about Chinese traditional people they have a lot girls who are virgin ... And be careful about those girls who can speak English they can never be virgin ha ha ha
juanisaac:
Not really. My Chinese teacher speaks excellent English and is still virgin. The fact is she has never had a boyfriend. Her parents sent her to a boarding school.
I am trying to get her to go out and have more friends.
I've no problem to believe a woman can reach 27, 30 or later and being virgin, not even a kiss or a date. I met a few women like this. Overall, I would say they were afraid to be hurt, being risk-adverse : the first one should be the right one and it shall work well at the first try.
I don't think it's very wise. Like many other things in life, relationships is something to be learned and tested by experience. Expecting a flawless relationship at the first try sounds very unrealistic to me. When you're 20 to 30, it's the perfect time to give yourself chances. It's not an encouragement to infidelity or exploiting feelings, I just mean to say, it's ok to accept failure at this time, because of inexperience.
In the past, when no contraception existed and life expectancy was low, one relationship often led to a baby, and a birth was a very dangerous event for a woman. So a risk-adverse attitude to relationship would make sense. But now, things changed, we can afford to try and accept failure, to not be trapped in being either alone or with someone we do not really love (which can become complex when you're married yet fall in love with an other one, despite your own will..). I also know women who enjoy not being committed to a relationship, but to something else.
DrMonkey:
My pleasure. Also bear in mind that people not familiar/aware of how things are here might find this completely incredible. Don't get angry at them, you can (try to) explain, quietly, very quietly, no shouting.
Absolutely. My current girlfriend is 29 years old and I am her first boyfriend. She was quite shy growing up and is a complete bookworm. Sweet girl though. I met her when she was 27.
It surprised me when she went out on her first date with me. She is intelligent and very calm.
I would have dated her anyway if I were boyfriend number five.
It all depends what you mean by "dating"? Most university students in China think dating is having sex with an exclusive partner they hope to stay with. To me, an American dating is spending time with each other trying to know one another. So in my world it is not strange to find a 27 year old virgin.
not 27 but certainly in no hurry..... my step daughter is 23 and as far as I know, never had a boyfriend and certainly not sex. (my wife, her mother, her 3rd marriage would not have sex with me until we were married, traditional .
The stepdaughters ever increasing wish to become "western" are sometimes troubling to both me and my wife. (step-daughter does not live with us --she's in Shenzhen and has family in Hong Kong) .. we, at least I do, worry about her westernization..........my wife has total confidence in her to find the "right guy" before "having some fun".
I told her, she should have a boyfriend in Hong Kong and one in Shenzhen and one in Guangzhou and one in Zhanjiang (home)..... then wherever she is on her occasional visits, the dinner bills would always be paid .... I did tease something like this when asked by her and her similar girlfriend about my thoughts on dating and sex and marriage.
different country is have different. but I think I can believe it. as to I have friend, girl, have not date. she is finding some to get merry not date.
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I know personaly one lady, which is quite "usable" and she has never date a guy nor have a sex. If I am not married, I will sure have a try to sneak a peak. But, she is living with parents who are waiting for the Mr.Right ..
I forgot add she is 36 years already
plenty of virgins here in china - why would a woman want to lower her market value by opening the packaging? my wife was a 20 year old virgin when we first met. large breasts, light skin and skinny at first. now we're expecting our 2nd baby, and she put on a little weight. i have to put up with tradition-induced regrets and complaints, because of how rich chinese guys were offering to marry her but she made the mistake of choosing me. the in-laws are downright patient with me, knowing what i know of chinese families. i suppose i should feel lucky, with a beautiful wife and kids. but when they're relentlessly riding my ass, it makes me miss the simpler life i had back in europe.
cheers.juanisaac:
I hear you. Whenever I visit my girl's parents they always have a list of what is wrong with me. From the "Chinese explanation" I received, the reason is that they care. If they did not care about me they would not tell me a thing.
I hope that as you continue in your marriage your wife will see that you have other qualities that will offset money.
For some parents nothing is good enough for their child. At this point in my life I have stopped asking my own parents what they think of my girlfriends, or for their approval. I just inform them of what is happening.
coineineagh:
When my mom visited China to be at her grandson's baby shower, there was such an extreme value clash, that I can't inform her of anything without getting my wife angry. My mom doesn't even know her granddaughter will be born this year. It's really weird, and neither side is entirely without blame. Example: My mom finally agreed to send some baby milk powder for Owen, but she wants to be compensated for it, and also wants to see recent baby photos for her efforts. My wife found a contact in Holland that's just a little more expensive, so she prefers not to pay my mom anything. I have to send the few photos I have in secret, and I'm unsure if we'll be able to repay her for the package she sent (due to international bank issues, but that's another story).
at leave i never see or heard about this kind of story happened near me...
i guess she might not popular girl in China.
It can be happened to any other countries, not only China.
I don't find it's weird. It depends what you look for.
If the guys around you are not what you want, that's meaningless to date many guys, sleep with many guys and have many boyfriends before 27.
A woman should know what she wants.
coineineagh:
Even if my daughter didn't like the date-able guys around her and I agreed with her, I'd still advise her to get rid of her virginity, just to get those backward virgin-hunters off her back. There should be a balance between losing it, and being accused of being a slut, which will be difficult to find in China for a half-foreign girl. The relationship experience and more balanced life expectations are just bonuses.
It could be very hard to believe.
This is China.
By the way, what I know, "Sheng nu ren" is for the girl who is single even older age of 27-30-plus age.
Sheng nu ren does not mean only virgin girls.
sevenyan:
I know. But there are still a lot of Virgins in China, who have never got any boyfriends. It's true!!
Well yes I believe because I am one of them!
With time goes by,I realized I am already 27 but still have no boyfriend
Maybe lots of guy wont believe but it can happen in most cases due to chinese culture and life social circle:)
Coming from the west we find that almost impossible to believe. Even if an 18 year old told us we would have doubts. So I have to say "anything is possible, but is it probable?" this is China, the so called traditional place where girls must be virgins at marriage but the guys can ... anyone at any time.
Mother Theresa? If a girl sexes with a girl is she still a virgin?
