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Q: Do you ever get bugged by the 'good samaritans'?
The question about being bugged by students of English who crop up uninvited and proceed to bore you with small-talk like you've been waiting around for someone to talk bol***ks to all day, has been asked before, but let's leave that one open to responses anyway. Just the other day in fact I had a fella walk up to me in the square and start up a conversation while I was playing with my son. The last time i'd humoured one of these encounters with anything more than my usual 'On your bike mate, we're all stocked up on crazy' look was on a visit to Shanghai, and I ended up half an hour later practically having to fight my way out of being scammed for 2000 yuan. But he seemed friendly and I was in a good mood so I complied with the traditional etiquette in these matters and didn't tell him to f**k off. Five minutes later I wished I had. And what's with asking me for my phone number after a brief and uncomfortable conversation about the weather? But I digest; the original question was more about the folks who intervene when you're conducting your own day to day business in Chinese. There seems to be a general assumption that foreigners are incapable of learning to speak this language, though it's already spoken by a billion plus people, be they regular folks, businessmen and politicians, or murderers, rapists, idiots, lunatics and dullards, it is no great and mysterious, magical feat, it's just a matter of practise and more practise. Just half an hour ago I was out buying a takeaway in a local restaurant and in the middle of ordering, a lady came away from her table and walked right into the middle of our conversation:
Me: (in Chinese) I'd like two portions of snail rice noodles, one with tofu and egg, the other without beef.
Shop assistant: (in Chinese) Small, medium or large?
Stranger: (in English) I can help you?
Me: (in Chinese) No, thank you, i'm fine.
Shop assistant: (in Chinese) Small, medium or large?
Stranger: (in English) Are they small or middle or big?
Me: (in Chinese) Really, thank you, I don't need your help, thank you. (to the shop assistant, in Chinese) Medium.
Stranger: (to the shop assistant in Chinese) Medium.
Shop assistant: (in Chinese) Two medium snail rice noodles, one with tofu and egg, the other with beef.
Stranger: (in English) Beef.
Me: Yes, thank you. (and to the stranger, in Chinese) Thank you too, you've been very.....very helpful.
Don't get me wrong though, i'm sure we've all been helped more than a few times by such good samaritans as these, and i'm not ungrateful; I just think it would be nice if maybe once.......just once, one of them would recognize that this particular shaved monkey was able to order his noodles himself.
Thoughts? Musings? Anything to share? Maybe tickle my bum with your big red thumb? Hmm?
I first tell them I dont want their help. If they ignore me, I say loudly "anjin" (quiet!) every time they translate my chinese to chinese.
if they continue to offer assistance after you tell them no, they are not good samaritans they are simply using the foreigner to score face points or to practice their english. good samaritans don't completely ignore the wishes of the person they are trying to help.
mArtiAn:
Quite right! Rarr! (Haha, sorry man, I don't mean to sound like i'm taking the piss. You just always sound angry is all. Fair play to you).
Since I was only ever aided voluntarily by 1 good Samaritan in 6 years, I didn't mind at all.
In fact, when she first approached me, I was trying to hail a cab, but none of them wanted to go where I needed to go, my first thought was that she was one of the many beggars who wanted money from me. But she simply said, do you need help telling the cab driver where you want to go? I told her, "No thank you. They just don't want to drive across town because it is shift change time." She then smiled, said, "Good luck" and walked away. That small act of kindness really made my day.
mArtiAn:
That surprises me, i've had loads of these encounters. Maybe I have a 'lost' look about me. I definitely prefer the sound of that than 'vacant', which is how the wife describes me.
GuilinRaf:
What is your secret, Xpat?
I really have to grit my teeth with these pests. That is why I oftentimes have to say "anjin" quite loudly when I dont want their "help".
What I have found to be rather effective is tell the person being translated to, that the "helpers" English is not so good （他 的 英语 不 太 好“ or Ta de yingyu, bu tai hao).
Apparently this loss of face gets rid of them.
I do this because on occasion, these jerks then try to charge me for their "help".
Xpat.John:
No real secret, per se. I suppose being old and ugly helps keep people away. As my father use to say, "I have a face made for radio."
If someone insists on using English when unnecessary, as in your example above, simply tell them, in Chinese, that you don't speak English.
This will put a stop to it, as well as severely bamboozing the Chinese person with the concept that someone from "foreignerland" (and a white resident of foreigner land in fact!) can't speak English. This really fails to compute with their view of foreigners as a homogenous gloop.
mArtiAn:
Yeh, I like that idea. In fact i've messed with people more than a few times by making up languages that were farrr from that of the English tongue. Seriously, next time you're out with a friend and you find someone eaves-dropping, just start saying "Ooma-lang-alang-alang-aboomdrop-squid-party-foop-schnoop-schnoop-aboinggg-boinggg-boinggg" and see the look on their faces. Priceless.
Amonk:
On a bus I once pretended to be from Germany and said that I didn't speak English. They (the entire front of the bus) continuously tried to use English at me. I could understand that it's the lingua franca, but I gave no indication that I was understanding anything they said.
Most of the time when i do not want to be bothered i just say the one line i know in French ''tu parle francais? je ne parles que francais''
