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Q: Do you ever interact with the locals beyond the "ni hao" or "hello"?
I felt a little bit depressed after my other question about Limbo and decided it was best to ask some kind of uplifting question. To be honest, after being here for seven years it is easier to connect with Chinese than 7 years ago on a personal level because of the influence of western culture and ideals.
Anyway, just the other day.. I was coming home from a wedding. My wife's little brother was married and I have trouble communicating most of the family because many members speak a local dialect and their Mandarin is very poor. Doesn't that just piss you off? I spend all that hard work learning this damn language... but a turn of events. Some of the family I could speak to and understand quite well. Had some lengthy conversations about travel, sports, driving in China (how it is a pain for foreigners to get a license here), other plights and about events we can setup.
It felt good because we would actually agree on many of the same things. Felt good because I think they saw me as more than just the "foreigner" that comes around sometimes. Unfortunately, this view may be reset every time I come around and I may change back into the "foreigner" again but was nice to interact. How about guys? Do you hang out with Chinese when you don't have to (meaning not for help, work or a gf/wife)? Have you ever found a REAL Chinese friend that you actually share common interests and ground with and they DON'T just want a free Chinese lesson or to show you off for face? It's tough!
10 years 21 weeks ago in Relationships - China
When I was in Shijiazhuang I found a really nice Chinese friend. Her English was very good so we were able to conversed about anything under the sun. I think she is the first true Chinese friend I have found here in China.
Yes, I found two friend: both teachers at the same university [one an English teacher] who included me in their family activities, including their parents. In a short time I became almost family, not just a 'nice foreigner'. Of course, now being married to a Chinese wife who is my best friend and who has a large family. I find it is just as easy in China as anywhere else to make a friend. The old adage: In want of a friend, be friendly! still holds true.
Sadly, I don't.
I really wish I could have found someone here that shared the same interests and outlook, but no.
I never wanted a large circle of friends and I am happy with the ones I have. However it would have been nice to make at least one local friend.
It's hard to know. After all, what do the locals really mean when they are speaking?
I think I have friends...but perhaps they're like everything else here....not real!
Actually, I hang out with a bunch of guys every weekend. I play on a football/soccer team every Saturday that's exclusively Chinese(aside from me) They're pretty good guys for the most part, although the sort of friendship forged is a bit different than I'm used to. I'm closer to about three or four of them who I see outside of football on occasion.
I don't think it's tough at all and I even get the impression (no offense) that you obsess about being different as much as you feel others do towards you. I have a friend who said to me one day "They'll never accept you, you know?" (meaning the Chinese) and I said "Of course they won't, who does?" because that's the truth of it; we only really accept most others on a superficial level, be it same scarf wearing football supporter (that we feel safe with) or same band loving music fan (that we safe with) or same sex, same look, same this that or the other, it's really just a crock, and when we get to know each other we inevitably become critical of one another, no matter how similar we seem. Man's wish to huddle and group is just a desire for a comfort zone, but ultimately we're such complex creatures that it's actually quite rare for us to find someone we truly connect with and let into our little world. So I don't give a monkey's whether people accept me here or anywhere, the real trick is accepting yourself and then your little world just gets bigger and bigger. You show someone respect and that you're not a threat and are willing to listen to their side of the story and it's rare for them to be harshly judgemental of you. Haha, but that's not what you asked anyway was it? Sorry, i've been beering. So do I interact with the locals? Yeh, plenty. Not as much as I would like to but I just keep on studying (at my own pace) and the world just keeps on getting bigger.
Robk:
Well, not really. Got used to being stared at and all that jazz... just wondering if many foreigners here kind of recluse themselves and stick to foreign groups or actually make attemps to befriend locals etc.
Some do and some don't...
mArtiAn:
I've become somewhat reclusive since having a kid but I don't hang out in the foreigner bars. I didn't come this far to live in an English corner. But my Chinese is still fairly elementary. About the level of a six year old in fluency. Enough for a chat but not for a deep conversation. I'm working on it. But yeh, my aim is to fully interact, i'm just getting there at a snail's pace.
YES THATS A TOUGH ONE!? AFTER 6 YR TEACHNG HERE I COULD
LEAVE TO GO BACK TO AUST.TO GET PENSION. NOW AM RETIRED
IN THE PHLIPPINES. {2010 I LEFT CHINA} WHEN I WAS IN CHINA I
FELT ISOLATED ALONE.
STEVE
AUST.
DrMonkey:
I THINK THAT YOU GOT YOUR CAPS-LOCK KEY STUCK... WAIT !!!! IT'S SO COOL !!! CAPS-LOCK FURY !
I made some good Chinese friend... outside of China :/ In China, I find it quite hard. I met a couple of nice people. But the contact just does not hold over time, because we have so very little to talk about, very few common interest. I tend to enjoy speaking of music, science, history, politics, travels... which seems to light no spark at all here. My colleagues speaks about TV show, but I stopped watching TV since more than a decade. I don't give a damn about cars, watches or anything with a brand on it. So here, it's pretty much me and my wife and that's it. No regular friends here, and I don't hang out in bars. No foreign friend at all.
I try to but I wish my Chinese was just that little bit better so that I could do it properly. Once we go past nihao and we get onto a topic where I don't necessarily know some of the words they're using and have to say I don't understand then it normally fizzles out because they think I don;t understand anything. It's funny how that works, if you speak just a little bit then they say your Chinese is amazing and they think you're fluent but then if you don't understand one or two words then they just give up on you.
Robk:
Yeah, I had this problem. I advise you to get a smartphone with a dictionary on it (of course). But when they say a word you don't know... you can whip out your phone and type it in pin yin.
I normally say something like... wo bu zhi dao zhe ge dan zi, deng yi xia... wo cha yi xia... (I don't know this word, one moment I will look it up). Then they get the idea that we can still converse, just need a moment. Then I saw them the list of words it could possibly be and they show me which one. It actually helps quite a bit.
I work with Chinese, meetings are in Chinese, and probably 75%+ of what comes out of my mouth all day is in Chinese.
But a real genuine Chinese friend? -- Needle in a haystack, or maybe more appropriate, like trying to find money in a landfill.
Robk:
Haha,
Yeah that's true. It is tough... you can have lots of acquitances that ask if you have eaten or ... ni chu qu ba?... while passing them in the halls... but nothing else really.
I find the secret is you have to do some sort of interaction with them... like show them how to play foose ball or play pool with them. If you just sit there and try to converse... it will get boring... very fast.
When I first landed in China; I always used to find foreign friends.
Now I have found out that it is always fun to have good local friends. You can not enjoy China to the HILT; if you do not have local friends.
I have sooooooo many Chinese friends now; I AM VERY HAPPY.
I think; best way is to open little by little with local Chinese boys n girls.
I attended language exchange sessions in some bars. I got shock of my life.
All locals were mostly as shy of us foreigners; as we are of them.
But, after few minutes, we were talking like old friends. Chinese are very good hosts. they will go out of way to make you comfortable and / or help you any ways.
THOUGH I CAN SPEAK SOME CHINESE NOW; I STILL LOVE TO GO TO FEW EXCHANGE SESSIONS; JUST TO MEET NEW CHINESE FRIENDS.
I've attempted many times to extend my circle. I have a few good chinese friends. The problem is, in my opinion is that small talk is so hard here. Even with good chinese. The conversations always lead to the same thing. I work for a chinese company lol. All the co-workers are chinese and only one person speaks english. I speak enough chinese to do my job and communicate so I'm lucky but they get on my nerves. And it's not a friendship If you can't provide something I guess. Back home I had some friends I could just chat and laugh with. Here people don't understand the concept of just chat. At least my co-workers don't. And it's a whole building of them! Like talking a walk and chatting. Just chilling is seen as a waste of time to my male colleagues and they fearing play video games at work. No need a friend if there's nothing to gain I guess. I'll keep my circle of decent chinese which is about 4 and my foreign friends. Good enough I guess.
