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Q: Do you get invites...

... often from your students to dinner or other social things? Is it rude to turn them down? Especially if they ask for the same day?

8 years 12 weeks ago in  Culture - Chengdu

 
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Posts: 1006

Shifu

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I get them daily and turn them down 99% of the time... Some say i am jaded but in truth I really feel that the students are somewhat disingenuous, we're like a status symbol and they simply like to go out and be seen with a "foreigner" at least that's how I feel because I've had mixed experiences ranging from a group of us go out and they talk Chinese all the time (now not a problem for me but 4 years ago it still was) which of course is rude, then to them deciding over dinner to talk like wenna7 and godedenfaisse (slam the whitey time), to the look at me I'm so rich ones and last but not least the "surprise I'm having a company lunch try to look like you work for my company or you do business with us, I will pay for lunch/dinner... So no I don't go anymore... Plus they think you owe them something after as well. I swear colleagues purposely go to KTV knowing most of us hate it too...

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8 years 12 weeks ago
 
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Sometimes the parents of my students ask me to babysit them. For realz

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8 years 12 weeks ago
 
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Thanks, Njord. I teach here in the states, and I would never consider hanging out with my students socially because it may leave the impression of favoritism. One of the teachers at one of the school's I'm considering in China says she has on average 60 kids in her four classes. There is no way I would want.... 200 dinner dates while in China. When would I go hug the glorified raccoons? Tongue

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8 years 12 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1933

Shifu

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Going with HugAPanda and Njord on this one. They can be weird if you do socialize with them, and it is really creepy and uncomfortable where I come from. I'd expect a teacher in Canada to be fired for fraternizing with adult students, even.

I've had adult Chinese students who've seemingly signed up for English lessons just to make foreigner friend, and I am really not the social, extroverted person they demand foreigners to be. I can put on the whole minstrel show act in the classroom, for money, but in my free time, I want peace and quiet.

Once I taught this one dude who said he worked for playboy magazine, and changed his English name every class (LADY GAGA, SANTA CRAUS, MICHEAR JACKSON, etc. hilarious). He always screamed at the top of his lungs, and insisted on side-tracking every class with his favourite prostitute stories, or by randomly screaming swearwords like he had tourette's, then giving me that goddamn "give me a compliment" face Chinese guys do.

Don't get me wrong, I've been known to use some pretty flippin naughty language in my time, but at work, in the classroom... There were ladies there who really didn't want to hear him blab about how his underage hooker had "so fucking cool tittie"

Dude just wanted a sleazy foreigner friend to be sleazy and kind of gay with. When he caught onto the fact that I hated him and didn't want to talk to him outside of the classroom, he flipped out at the boss and said my class wasn't "conversational" enough. Worst teaching experience of my life.

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8 years 12 weeks ago
 
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I think it depends on the students who are inviting you, whether to accept or not. I think it's totally fine to go to dinner or KTV or something with students. If you're teaching university students, you're probably just a few year older than them so they're technically your peers. There are a few of my students who have become good friends, and we hangout sometimes outside of class. It's great because I'm learning a lot about the culture and language and city from them.

It's also fine to decline an invitation. Your students will understand. Definitely say no if the they are kind of weird/creepy or if they have ulterior motives (like they want you to favor them).

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8 years 12 weeks ago
 
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I appreciate invites in advance more, and am less likely to turn those down...

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8 years 12 weeks ago
 
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