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Posts: 1142

Shifu

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Q: Do you have male chinese friends

It's year 2 in the PRC, and yet I have the same problem most of us guys face. Chinese men in their 20's are boring, child like, married, or asleep. Ive got a girlfriend, and I miss hanging out with'me mates' and drinking beer and having a manly conversation about beer, les femmes, and Kant. So what gives? Why is it so easy to find women to talk to in this country, but no men? I have English Majors who are male but they seem to be skipping class, and playing PC games. I need help, how to meet interesting dudes who talk about sports, and babes, and booze, and don't brag about being 'traditional chinese boy!'.

12 years 31 weeks ago in  Relationships - Other cities

 
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Posts: 3025

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I do have some wonderful Chinese male friends, but they are not in their 20'a, but into their 40's.  I have two rules with them, no religious and no political talks, everything else is a welcome topic.  It is my guess they are using me to practice their English, but since I do enjoy our chats and games, I do not mind. 

With them, I feel I have passed from "laowai" like I was at first, to a stage that may be called "one of the guys" by now.  The only thing to watch out for is their rule of "if you loose a hand must drink your glass empty".  Headaches next morning !

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
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I hear you dude....this a big problem for me too.  Most of my friends here are Chinese women...they seem to me more interested in western people...for alot of reasons.  
But it is fun drinking with the local men....even if you can't talk to them.
In my experience I have more in common with local females, and I am not gay, "not that there is anything wrong with that".

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
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I have a few. But up in BJ it's probably easier to meet some that are cool. 

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Good question. Made me think. Nope I don't have any male Chinese friends but lots of women!! I was talking to a female teacher from the USA last week and this subject came up. She said it's okay for us foreign guys here in China because we seem to be able to find lots of women who at least speak a bit of English. She has not, as yet, been able to find a Chinese guy that can string a reasonable sentence together. I think she's right. It seems the gals have more of a desire to learn the language while the guys don't give a toss. It's actually the same in my adult English classes. The women are far, far better than the guys in conversational English. Sounds like a warning sign!!

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
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My problem is that there are so few boys who major in English and the few that do, most of them just want to play computer games or read "magna".  That said, I have made some male friends but it is almost "1 per year".

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
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I have some, wanna rent one? 300Y per hour special rate for you. ,,joking

GuilinRaf:

Y300? How 'bout 150? :-P

12 years 31 weeks ago
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TedDBayer:

done, introductory offer two for one also,, yeah that was kinda high, could rent a girl for that much

12 years 31 weeks ago
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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
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I have a few, but well, I guess they're not really anything more than aquaintences.   I've met a lot of foreigners that have become really close frineds, but no locals.  And that's not for a lack of trying.  I don't think there is the same sort of idea of friendship here.  It's more about making contacts and guanxi. 

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
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I have several male Chinese friends.  However, their English is as limited as my Chinese and their wives keep them on a much shorter leash.  So we don't get to see each other as much as I would like.

On the opposite side of the coin, I don't have too many foreigner friends either.  A combination of being a family man and working 12+ hours a day really tends to kill the social life.

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
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Although I would like to make friends with guys, it's a bit more difficult since I am a girl. All the guys I know are sort of acquaintances more than friends. Most of them I have met either don't speak English, or their English is very poor. Even out of my students, only one of the boys in any of my classes is ok at English. Isn't that sort of...depressing? Are girls just more motivated to learn English? Out of the guys I've met, a music major was the most interesting, which I don't find surprising.

I think the biggest problem is that guys and girls don't hang out as much in China one on one, and I like hanging out with only one or two people at a time so it doesn't really work out. Such a shame.

crimochina:

you and i can hangout 0ne on one , i promise all the snaarky remarks you can handle ;)

12 years 31 weeks ago
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Jnusb416:

Awww, I'm flattered, but you know I'm only into Asian guys.

12 years 31 weeks ago
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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1197

Shifu

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Most of my male friends here are in their 30's and up. No young guys. They're all busy with school, work or just screwing around and so there's no time to hang out or meet funny gwailo. 

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
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I am wondering if there are any party restrictions on having foreign friends outside of business dealings.  It is quite possible this does have something to do with it.  I know for a fact that there are restrictions like that in place for people who work for some government agencies, the military, and the like.  Of course that makes sense (so not to leak classified info).  Anyone know about this?

crimochina:

i know some govt workers are not allowed to marry foreigners or even leave the country

12 years 31 weeks ago
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MrTibbles:

Yeah, I've seen that as well. My friend married a Chinese girl who's Aunt's husband's brother is a pretty high ranking officer in the PLA. Apparently he can never meet or even acknowledge my friends existence, even to the point of threats about the Aunt visiting because it might damage his career somehow. Which is why I added this to the thread. I wonder if this is a way of thinking for people looking to advance in the party.

12 years 31 weeks ago
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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
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A very fair amount of male friends, both colleagues and otherwise.  I belong to the local long-distance cycling club and it has been a great way to meet people.

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12 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 11

Governor

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Well I am a 19y/o Chinese. You know what, there's a strange paradox in China that girls are more talented in learning languages, while boys more talented in science like chemi or physics! Ironically, I can easily deduce this PARADOX from my daily life experience! When I was in an English class in highschool  I just noticed that boys tended to be silence and it seemed they didn't want to have a word with our foreign teacher. Our Chinese English teacher talked to this majority and the answer is just like" oh! I'm just afraid of making mistakes when speaking!","I don't have anything to do with the fucking English which drives me in a state of freezy!"," what can I talk about with her?! Not to mention the linguistical barrier!", "I think we just have different thought pattern, we can't get each other:(" Sad, isn't it?
Now I am a college student whose major is German, and that PARADOX still exist---the most of students who learn foreign languages are... girls??!!
And the poor minority of boys who are definetly proficient in their major, most of them are... gays...!!! OMG!

GuilinRaf:

Well, the good news is that dating should not be a problem! ;-P

12 years 20 weeks ago
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crimochina:

guilin: i once had a class of 30 english majors. 1 guy 29 beautiful women , i told the guy ,when he invited me to lunch, that he is lucky to be the only guy in the class especially since chinese force classmates to work closely together. his response was i hate them, i wish i was in a class with other guys. i will never figure out chinese guys. it's like their attitude toward women is similar to an american 3rd grader

12 years 20 weeks ago
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GuilinRaf:

@ Crimo: Yes, I too have seen that time and again. I once went for som e beer with the only three boys in one of my clases some time back, and it was the same thing as you said. They wanted more guys, there were too many girls , etc. Half jokingly I asked them what if they were the only boy in a tropical island with 50 beautiful girls, one said "Too terrible" and another said that he would "die". The last one refused to answer the question, even afdter being plied with beer and baijiu. For a middle aged man like me, it would be heaven! For the  29 young girls, I guess it would b e a nightmare....:cheeky Happy new year!

12 years 20 weeks ago
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12 years 20 weeks ago

Just wanna make normal friends.

 
Posts: 2587

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i think the answer is women are more natural at communicating than men.  Anyone whose been  married knows this.  Speaking a different language makes communication more difficult and this is a definite turnoff for most men, who are not prone to communicating vocally even in their native language.  Women, on the other hand, are active communicators and don't let a small thing like language barriers shut them up (in fact, have we invented anything that can shut them up yet?)
Kidding aside, I have a few male friends but no close relationships but ironically, the person who has the best English I know is male.

crimochina:

i'm going to muddy your clean post. the invention you speak of was invented a long time ago god knew every man would need it so he equipped very man with one. whenever she starts yapping away just put it on her lips. in public or in private you can put it on her lips anytime anywhere, yes there is no embarrassment for kissing your woman in public.





(what the puck you thought i was referring to)

12 years 20 weeks ago
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12 years 20 weeks ago
 
Posts: 821

Shifu

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For me it's the other way round. I'm a girl, but I can't find any interesting girls to talk to. They only wanna paint their nails, go shopping, watch TV soaps etc. I have a bunch of guy friends, we talk about video games, footy, etc. But I miss a decent girly convo. Even my foreign girl friends in China are only into make up and shit. What gives? :(

angelina8:

We should meet someday.

Where in China are you?

10 years 50 weeks ago
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Rin:

Kunming :)

10 years 50 weeks ago
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angelina8:

My favorite part of China :)

 

I'm not in China right now, I will definitely send you a message if I travel to Yunnan again.

10 years 50 weeks ago
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sorrel:

I have the same problem! there were few foreign women in Changsha, but thankfully i'm moving

10 years 49 weeks ago
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Rin:

...

10 years 49 weeks ago
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10 years 50 weeks ago
 
Posts: 4935

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I have one in my current city. He invited me out to dinner with his wife, so I decided to return the favor and invited him and his wife out to dinner a month later. He brought a different woman. His actual wife...

Rin:

Haha, always the way.

10 years 50 weeks ago
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10 years 50 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2536

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The first year in China I only had friends that were girls for 2 reasons.  I always relate better to Chinese women than men and as other have pointed out they are far more likely to speak English than men.

But about a year and a half ago I became good friends with a guy and we are like brothers now.  He tells me that friendship with other Chinese males is different and he has never had a good friend like me before as most friendships here are based on guanxi and what you can do for each other rather than real friendship.

But I still have about 20 girls that I am very good friends with but only one guy...but I am friendly with many other guys but it's not the same at all.

BTW I do not have any foreign friends in China...most of the ones I met were nut bars.

 

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10 years 50 weeks ago
 
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