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Q: Do you really think Chinese men can't be gentlemen?
I have heard this statement, or something like it, many times on this site. Honestly, it annoys me. Do so many foreign guys really think you are perfect gentlemen? Don't make me laugh! Do you know what most guys in America or other countries are like? Because I can tell you, there are plenty of jerks. Meanwhile, there's this Chinese guy that I like, and he's been nothing but a gentleman to me. All those guys you think are whipped, yeah, they're nice guys. Of course I'm going to treat a future boyfriend like a man. He won't carry my purse, thank you very much. China has some of the sweetest guys I've ever met, although they are a bit too shy. Don't mistake eating habits for rude behavior. And don't forget that some behaviors that local men do, the local women do too, like pushing people out of the way to get on a bus. Maybe you're skirt crazy or have only met men who are total pigs, but whatever you're doing, gentlemen are always a minority. And yes, that minority exists in China.
In any country, any culture, any social class, you are going to find gentlemen, you're going to find assholes, and you're going to find men who act like gentlemen and turn out to be assholes. When we find the first, good for us! Even when we find the second, it's good... we can ditch them faster. It's the third ones that suck.
Sounds like you needed to vent a bit. That's one of the good things og this site, venting to other expats feels a little better than venting to a taxi driver...
Wow, dude, or dudette, s the case may be, chill out.
There are plently of nice and awesome guys here in China. Glad you found one. Hopefully he will stay true to that.
BUT
Honestly, a majority of Chinese guys I know are just plain dogs. They can be married, and their social lives revolve around having enough money to have sex with KTV girls.
Don't assume that your ideals of love and marriage apply here. They don't.
MOST people here still get married due to family obligations, out-dated ideals, and peer pressure - not for love.
Sounds like you may have found a genuine guy - the do exist here - and if so, I can only recommend that you stick with it.
JUst don't be surprised if later you find out he is actually gay or goes out with xiaojie every night.
HugAPanda:
Mr T., we have sat here and read some of the men do nothing but put down chinese women, calling them gold diggers and users (to be nice); they've put down western women for not being the ideal of fem that they're moms were 40 and 50 years ago and earlier, for not being petite, for being too strong-willed, etc. SOME men, not all of them. Some come across as misogynistic, chauvinistic, and down right... cave man. SOME! NOT ALL! So if Jnus needs to vent a little... what's it going to hurt? We don't (always) tell the forum cavemen to chill. :)
TedDBayer:
Oh sigh,, Caveman,,,,the good old days,,Friday night raiding ememy camp sites for women and furrs....mostly women,,,,,,really make me nostalgic
Hi,
Im a US guy, married to a wonderful Chinese lady . We have a daughter and they live in the US. I work in China 10 months out of the Year because I can't find work in the US to support our lifestyle.
In answer to your question, most Rich Chinese men I have met are dogs and have Xiao Tai Tai's everywhere.
Some of the middle class Chinese gentlemen and poorer people I have met are OK, and still respect family and women.
Its just my opinion from working 8 years in China from Xinjiang to Guangdong and up to Shanghai, Shandong etc.
I hope this helps!
In any country, any culture, any social class, you are going to find gentlemen, you're going to find assholes, and you're going to find men who act like gentlemen and turn out to be assholes. When we find the first, good for us! Even when we find the second, it's good... we can ditch them faster. It's the third ones that suck.
Yes, I think some men here are gentlemen, just in a different way than back home.
As gunslinger says...almost all rich Chinese men are pigs, and as I know many of these types here I have formed an opinion...rightly or wrongly.
It's easy for us to trash on the local men, but there are some very nice and honest ones...I know a couple myself, and they are very loyal and good to their woman.
here's my attempts to make friends with local guys
1. somewhat good guy, but kept whining and crying about his ex- even after 1 year, and still after 2 years, also he uses his friends and borrows money from all his classmates and friends. imagine being the only person in a class of 56 students not to be invited to your classmates parties
2. nice guy i thought at first until he wanted someone else's gf, he would wait until the bf was out of town then he would verbally abuse her because she would not leave her bf for him
3. this guy simply turned out to be a spoiled rich kid that refuses to grow up
The more educated and cultured men here in China can be much more of a gentleman than many Western guys. I have met a number of really awesome, interesting and smart Chinese men here whose attitudes to life, family, relationships etc. are far more developed than many Western guys I've met. Sure, you have cheaters and guys who go to hookers, but that's not solely limited to Chinese men...who keeps the Thai sex industry alive and booming if not sleazy, old Western men? Anyway, the point is, you can find any kind of man any where...whether it be in China, in the US or the Middle East. Derogatory statements like "Chinese men are dogs" are purely racist and don't demonstrate a high level of culture or intelligence.
ambivalentmace:
glad you find some here, but i have never met any of these men, guess i hang around the wrong crowds. i do see alot of ment talk on a phone through the entire dinner while the gf or wife eats and never complains.
if i bother to dine out with a beatiful lady , i will turn off the phone.
The vast majority don't seem to act like gentleman. However, I've noticed that many of the Chinese men I know always make sure to hold doors open for people, push people's chairs in, let old people and women take bus seats, etc etc. It's catching on. But yeah, in general I think Chinese men have a bad rap.
No, I don't really think that Chinese men can't act like gentlemen. Why do you ask?
This is a year old! WTF?
mattsm84:
I think Chen was bothered by it. Going out on a limb here, but it wouldn't surprise me if he felt that Chinese men treat women comparatively well because of the way that they defer to within the context of a relationship. You know, holding the purse, taking her shopping, stuff like that. That said, that's only a guess because he didn't really offer up any opinion.
bill8899:
I see. That could very well be. Well Hell, thumbs up for him!
the man that carries the purse is the same man that hits the lady. i wont carry a purse for my wife but i take care of the chair and coat, i have seen many men hit women in china and have huge arguments in public, if a woman ever starts an argument and hits me in public , she can find another man to support her , and i will just start over. but men here stand there and take it like a sheep.
i think chinese men are not worthy of the women in this country in anyway, that being said , i feel sorry for the chaps, spoiled like an emperor, no confidence, women smarter than you that act dumber and manipulate you at every turn, superior attitude from brain washing, and everyone in your family kissing your ass and no criticism whatsoever and you get in the real world at about the age of 25 and you say "what to f happen to me."
the live in perception and one day reality kicks them in the ass, no wonder they drink and smoke so much.
derek:
You certainly hit all the correct points in that post. Nicely done.
Go jnus! I'm sure you'll find a great guy.
I think there are decent guys and arseholes in every country.
All the Chinese men I've actually met behave very well and have good manners so I would happily call them gentlemen. Of course I've seen people behaving badly in public and you read about the idiots in the press, but as has been said, you get those types in any nation.
I also think even if the bad men were in the majority that will change over the next few years as the gender gap will empower women to make sterner choices on what type of man they date and marry and what conditions they will endure within any marriage. This will lead to better behaved men as those with no manners won't breed I think it's called Darwinian natural selection.
