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Q: Do you think dating a local woman gets you respect from the locals?
This came up in another thread, but I thought it was worthy of its own question. It was said that the Chinese will show you more respect if you are married to a Chinese woman than if you aren't. Didn't really make sense to me.
People ask me sometimes if I have a chinese girlfriend/wife and when I say "no" I never get a response like "Oh fuck you! Our women aren't good enough for you??!?" Considering the general local consensus that western countries (though not our cultures) are objectively nicer than theirs, I've always felt the more we have in common with our home countries (thus the fewer compromises we have to make) the more face we have to them.
I think in general coming off as any kind of Sinophile gives THEM face...not YOU. At best its seen as polite face-giving (and thus a good thing to do), at worst validation of someone's arrogance and a big strike against you. (as in their minds they would NEVER try to adapt or compromise to a poorer country than they came from)
In my experience of dating and living here I think you get the most "cool points" for dating (though probably not married to) a Russian (or other country national that they lump together with Russia), because they think they're the most beautiful and only date rich men.
I think you get the most respect/trust for being a "normal person" if you're with a pretty woman from your own country. As though that shows that you are a respectable person by your own country's standards.
Given though the gender ratio gap I never really thought that anybody would appreciate a foreigner dating a local woman, except maybe other local women who like western men.
What do you guys think?
and NO i'm not saying I live for their approval one way or the other. (I don't) or that i'm promoting shallowness or anything...i'm just reporting my own experiences and observations of how people react to things.
On the other hand, knowing how to play the face game can be genuinely useful...though I would never base my dating decisions on it!
No. She is looked down on as a traitor and you are seen as stealing their women.
I don't consider face when I think about my girl, though she sometimes does. I general I don't think most Chinese like interracial relationships and tend to assume the female is in the relationship for material reasons. I am sure some are, while others are not. I am with my girl because I love her and I really believe she feels the same way as we have been together for many years and overcome her parents disapproval. As much as she cares for her family I can not believe she risked being considered dead to her parents because of our relationship, just for the money.
I came to China 2 years after ending an 18 year marriage.
If I lived in another country would I have a Chinese wife? Probably not.
Did I come to China to get Chinese girls? No.
I would not consider myself a sinophile, I am merely a man.
crimochina is right.
I can't count the amount of times where Chinese dudes desperately asked my wife, "Little sister, why did you have to find a foreigner?! There are many good men in China/<Insert City Here>!!!"
Or said, "No, you should not marry him. You should find a countryman to marry. You have to do the patriotic," "You are a worthless whore; you have betrayed your country by being with a foreigner," etc. (WTF?)
Apparently I'm not the only one who has experienced this.
crimochina:
Chinese men are great. So they are surprised to see someone pass up their nose picking habits. Who wouldn't want to be with someone who openly regards them as weak and second class.
Right, I get the whole race-traitor thing...
but i'm not just asking what losers think (cause f*ck them), I mean in polite company, say at a company event, does it make one seem more respectable to arrive with a local woman or another expat? My hunch has always been that someone "desirable" from you own country makes you seem the most respectable.
Hulk:
I've never even thought of that because it never mattered to me, but when I had "meetings" in China, they were generally respectful -- except one dude who went out of his way to prepare everything I hated about Chinese food (he knew I hated it well in advance) and focused only on talking to my wife the entire time.
Neither of us had a good time there.
crimochina:
Women would respect you more. Men are extremely overly sensitive , petty and jealous. They usually start looking at your girlfriend and comparing her to his
Hulk:
^ that. Women respect us the majority of the time... but not men.
expatlife26:
Hulk, where did you live in China that you got that kind of reaction? Just curious.
Crimo, yeah I can totally see jealousy being involved.
But again you guys are probably talking about scummy losers you run into on the street. I'm trying to figure out what normal-ish people here think. Someone who is more or less secure.
CharlieB:
I can say that what has Hulk described has happened to us in Suzhou
Hulk:
All over Hunan, Hubei, Fujian, Yunnan provinces...
I dunno, these seemed like upper-class losers. They had houses, cars, etc.
crimochina:
I hate to break the news to you but 90% of chinese fall into loser category even the ones you think you are cool with. My first year in china I met good friend. And became very close with her family. Her father often referred to me as his brother. One day they invited me to bring my gf to dinner. After the dinner my friend called me apologizing for her father's rude behavior. I was shocked because I did not speak chinese, I did not realize that he was peppering my gf with "why are with a foreigner? Why not find a chinese guy? Let me find a nice chinese guy for you" bs. Wake Up call
Ive experienced What Hulk has. In Dongguan, Guangdong. Though it was during a fit of rage of his part. Yup I ended up in jail for that one.
As someone who came here with a foreign girlfriend, and then married a chinese I didnt really see any difference. Though to be fair, most of those times where spent in the wonderful Guangzhou city center where people just tend not to give a shit.
My wife doesnt see it as face, more of a hassle. She doesnt like the extra attention. Farmers view it negatively, shes a whore kind of thing. Never said it but I can see it on their piece of shit faces. The only face I think shell get is from the mixed baby.
My friends like it because theyre all married so more of the same, strength in numbers kinda thing. Her family doesnt get any face, they try to protect me often too much, so anything where im involved will be in nicer areas to save me more jail time.
Too be honest, I havent noticed that much of a difference.
mike695ca:
On the flip side, for every dude thats pissed im stealing another chinese girl, there has been a conversation along the lines of ( are you married? you should marry a chinese girl!) People here in Guangdong flip out when they find out I am married to cantonese girl. ( FYI Cantonese are not known for their hotness ) They get all proud, Like " if its good enough for a foreigner its good enough for me! "
Hulk:
I had very few chances to get violent in such situations. My wife had a habit of not telling me anything until after the fact - she was afraid I would viciously kill them and then go to jail.
Hulk:
Cantonese girls aren't known for their hotness? wat.jpg
I didn't see very many ugly Cantonese girls.
expatlife26:
OMG so its YOU that's the race traitor!!!! et tu, mike695ca?
haha just kidding man.
Yeah sounds about right, fuck those people. They/they parents had sex selective abortions and now they wonder why their they/their loser son can't get a girlfriend. Yeah it's all the foreigners fault.
I don't think winners here (or anywhere really) give a shit about interracial relationships, they have their own things going on.
mike695ca:
@hulk. My wife used to do that, but then Id get more pissed off so now shed rather them face my wrath then her. Plus, im not fluent in Chinese but im a professor of rude shit in Chinese, so i always pick up on it.
HK has alot of hot girls, but ask a chinese guy and Guangdong will be at or near the bottom of the list, plus they will alsways they they dress to casual. But too me id rather see a hot girl in sweat pants than an ugly chick in a copied 50 rmb dress. But thats just my opinion i guess. But do be fair, there are alot of rough ones here.
Also remember that half the population in these cities arent cantonese, so many of the hot ones you see, dont belong to us haha
Impossible question to answer as it depends on from whom. But in general probably not for just dating a Chinese girl. Everyone knows it is not that difficult for a foreigner to date a local girl and they can forever question your intentions as to whether you are just playing around with locals. However, there are some benefits from the society if you do in fact marry one as it seems to give you some roots here and a bit of trust so in that case you may get more respect.
Lord_hanson:
It is true, if you are married and even more so when you have a child they tend to think that you are more stable and responsible. A lot of Chinese people tend to think foreigners can't stay in one place and so are unreliable.
