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Posts: 796

Shifu

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Q: Do you think most Chinese get married too early?

In cities of China,most girls usually get married before they are 25,and boys would be married before 28.And lots of youngsters  will be married before they are 22 in the countryside.What is the average age for people to get married in your country?To go further,do you think many Chinese get married just with the thought of  having a baby?

12 years 5 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
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Posts: 1932

Emperor

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YES

I guess it's their culture or whatever, but I've seen a lot of extremely unhappy Chinese marriages. People who got married without really knowing their partners, people who were tied into condo ownership living with a practical stranger and parenthood just as they were beginning their carreers. All the difficulties of adulthood at the age of twenty-four, when they're really still children. To be honest, all it seems to contribute to the quality of their lives was anxiety in an already super-anxious country.

The happiest marriages  I've seen in China were people who ignorred the endless gossip and waited till their late twenties, people with a long courtship,etc.

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I think many of them get married before they really know who they're marrying. Do they take their future goals into consideration? Are their personalities compatable? Can they agree on how to raise their kids or what they do with their money? There are so many factors to take into consideration, and I don't think they even ask these questions of eachother. They get a girlfriend or boyfriend, and if they're at the marrying age, they get married. Future happiness is not really thought of, just the need to have a supposedly secure future. How can it be secure if they don't think about their relationship down the road? I don't know.

Me? I don't want kids before I'm 28. I used to think 25 was a good age, but now that I am 23, I still don't feel ready. Who knows, maybe when I'm 28 I still won't be ready. Maybe I'll never be ready. Although I do want to get married and have kids, it won't be the end of my life if I don't. Sometimes I think I'd like to have a kid, but honestly, I feel more like buying a dog at this stage in my life. I won't though, because it wouldn't be fair to the dog. Someday when I settle down and have a boyfriend, then I might.

Wolff:

In order to have two trees grow intertwined, they must be bent toward each other while they are young. Only then will they grow into one another, taking on the identity of an intertwined tree. If you place two adult trees next to each other, they will probably not merge, though their branches might become entangled eventually. It is the same with humans and marriage. In a successful marriage, husband and wife find their identities in each other and function as a unit.

12 years 5 weeks ago
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It's that part of the secret forumla to happiness here?  You have to get a house, get married, and have kid( s ). There's no need to worry about future well being or long term enjoyment of every aspect of you life, because if you can check off those three boxes everything will work out just fine.  Doesn't matter if you are just barely starting to learn to survive in the real world, tie the knot with someone else that is still working on figuring things out and that eternal bond will make sure you both discover (sometime down the road) your longterm dreams are the exact same. Right?

derek:

Right!

12 years 5 weeks ago
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MissA:

I know some people at home who think (and I use the term loosely) the exact same.

12 years 5 weeks ago
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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
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Thid might get convoluted, but here goes...

Single girls over the age of about 24/25 seem to be feeling the pressure to settle down.

Interesting thing, I have heard people say 'I want to have a baby, I want to get married', and they say 'oh you're so lucky you have a boyfriend you love' with no connection between the statements. My girl friends back home would say 'I want to find the right guy, and then we'll see from there' (occasionally 'the right girl', but that's a whole different thread).

Its like, the mindset here is that getting married is inevitable and to do it at the societally accepted time is the best thing to do... and then they just hope that the spouse is a good one! To my mind, that's putting your personal happiness down to luck and that seems very strange to me.

I only really hear the girls' perspective, I've absolutely no idea about the guys.

DaBen:

For the guys, they feel pressure from their family to get married early but don't face the whole being too old to get married mentality that the women face. One guy here gave me this advice, "Don't be in a hurry to get married, because you have a good job and are foreign. No matter what age you get married, your bride will be 25."

12 years 5 weeks ago
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MissA:

That's awesome. What happens if you meet a 26-year-old you like? "Sorry, honey, but you don't meet the societally-mandated maximum-acceptable-age requirement, we're going to have to leave it here..."

12 years 5 weeks ago
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kchur:

Nah, marriageable girls get snapped up so fast, they're afraid they wont get a good one, plus there's the slight disbalance between men and women, and in areas with foreigners they are absolutely convinced foreigners are stealing all their women. So they're panicking too.

Never the less, they refuse to even consider marrying a prostitute, which in their definition means someone who is older but unmarried, someone who does not have a hyman, someone who makes more than 4000 a month, someone who is in anyway tomboyish, a girl with a pHd, etc. The pHd one is pretty serious. I've met more than a few talented women throwing potentially great careers in academia away because they're afraid they'll never be able to get married.

12 years 5 weeks ago
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MissA:

Someone who earns more than 4,000 a month? Thank goodness I'm not looking, then :)

12 years 5 weeks ago
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They get peer pressured into marriage, realize it was stupid, then refuse to get a divorce because they still want to be one of the cool kids!
It's like a trend, but where yo-yo's have been replaced by life-changing decisions. And thinking ahead is for losers!

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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
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