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Q: Does almost everyone here think you have ulterior motives for everything you do?
Drama Hulk again. Here are some examples:
I inform the school that I need to take my wife for an immigration interview in another city, but tell them I'll be back shortly. "Quick! Steal his passport! He's trying to leave/quit the school!" (this ended up making me quit, but not before severely punshing them).
Need to practice for some pretty important job interviews back home in 'murica? Need a stable internet connection to in order to do it it? "He must be very angry at us. Now he's even moving to a hotel with a stable internet connection." (in-laws again)
Want to go and buy a cold drink? "He looks down on our boiled water." (anyone)
Those are just a few examples. Almost everything I do turns into a huge fight/debate on whether or not I have ulterior motives. Why? When I say I want to do something, it's just that. If I'm angry, I will pucking tell you. sflksgrl34ktealfsdkasdkk
You are preaching to the quire brother
Hulk:
Sleeping for a long time due to being exhausted? "He's trying to voice his anger by sleeping so much! He hates our food [some of the best food I've ever eaten in my life, btw]!" No. I'm hopped up on anti-malaria pills and they're causing me to sleep all day.
"Why isn't he eating so much? He doesn't like the food [again, it's delicious... my appetitie is not so good sometimes]!"
Hulk:
I love being force-fed until I'm about to throw up. "I don't believe you're full!"
Ulterior motives is something that Chinese people certainly do have in many, many circumstances. However, what you are describing sounds more like paranoia to me.
Hulk:
Yes, that too. But they think I'm secretly planning something bad most of the time. I think it's both...
It's a cultural thing. I've met many people in China who say something but mean something else, and in other times tell me that i am too direct. Sometimes, they would be indirect e to not offend the other person. When roles are reversed, those who think yhis way will automatically assume that you are doing the same and will beleve that you mean something else.
Personally, it's way too tirening for me to adopt this habit, and i can never guess correctly what he other person is tryng to say, or what is the messagethey are guessing other than what i actually am trying to say.
Concerning your inlaws, it just sounds like they want to treat you good (trying to please you, gve you company, prepare good food) and feel a bit hurt when you turn them down. Just try a bit of their food and say ut's the best you've evet eaten and that you'll eat more when you feep better, orthat you enjoy theur company and will come back later to continue the interesting convo after you finish doing your work. Just give them a little bit of face and reassurance and maybe avoid focusing too much n your actual reason when communicating with them, make it *mall and quick and make it more f a big deal thatvyou cant wait to come back to eat their cordon bley food while drinking amazingly refreshing boiled water to help with digestion
It might be the same with that school, they thought you were an excellent teacher, didn't want to lose you, and only understood that you were LEAVING to the other town and ddn't get the reassurung message that you were coming back at a specifc time
Hulk:
I understand, but being force-fed makes me puke. The in-laws cook better food than my mother ever has, and I really enjoy my mom's food. However, too much of a good thing will make me barf.
JustinF:
That's what my girlfriend does too. But now i undrrstand that it's just a habit : don't leave loved ones in hunger (after years of famine in the past). When i am full or don't want to eat, i just rub push my belly out, rub it with my palm and say "pfff woah! Wo chi baole (i am so full!)". This will make her happy that i ate well, or that i am planning to eat more of her food later, which she usually appreciate. She will ask one or two times more if i want to eat more and i just say i am really full
it has to do with one simple fact. we were taught to be upfront and honest. they were taught to never reveal theirr true motives, (face). people here are at each other's throats, ie one of my students told sth private to her room mate. then her roommate told the entire class, because she was jealous of her popularity. things like this are extremely common here. information about others is currency which is why they are so damn nosey.
JustinF:
That's one way f putting it. Also, cynical actions to sabotage other people, especially because they are jealous f their success or popularity is widely spread in societies where competitvity is taught to be a way f achievement. Justlook at any American highschool and the exact same pattern will be seen, although the mean*of sabotage will be different ie psycholgical vs physical un China.
crimochina:
i do not know what high school you went to. but that was not my experience. gossip girls / (i forget the other show that is popular here about the girl detective. but a tv show is a tv show, it is not real life.
JustinF:
I have no interest in tv shows for girls, but sabotage amongst students do happen, and nt only in usa or china.
It does seem that at times there is a suspicion towards people who are just plain honest or just do things out of the kindness of their hearts. I've a friend whose Chinese in-laws simply didn't trust him because he was just going out of his way to be nice and make a good impression; they thought he had something up his sleeve. Poor guy. It took a while but I think they finally grew to him as they saw his kindness was for real.
Anyway, I'm guessing this is the result of era like the Cultural Revolution where you couldn't trust anyone and even your neighbors would turn you in if they thought you were doing something perceived as bad.
I agree with easyrider's perception. The Chinese trained themselves this way. The Cultural Revolution (like any revolution) has left deep scars on these people and it wasn't that long ago when it was neighbor against neighbor, each one spying on the other. You can't wash that away in just a few generations. A tragedy took place here (and still is)!
Do you have an ulterior motive for asking this question?
(sorry, couldn't resist.
)
GuilinRaf:
Do YOU have an ulterior motive for questioning the asking of this question??!!
You must be very angry at us. Now you are asking questions about ulterior motives.
