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Posts: 372

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Q: Does anyone have confidence issues (or any other trauma) in China?

Does the constant staring effect how you live your life?
Does the lack of privacy effect you?
Does being with other foreigners make it easier to cope?

11 years 2 days ago in  Culture - Lanzhou

 
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Comments (11)
Posts: 1933

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My first girlfriend in China couldn't take the staring and the comments. she ended up having a nervous breakdown, not used to being the centre of attention like that. Soured the relationship considerably.

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11 years 2 days ago
 
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Does it count that when I visit a 1st tier city and don't get the stares I'm used to that I feel something is an issue?

Njord:

I think so my friend from back home hates coming to GZ as he loves the attention! I hate going to see him as I hate the attention....

11 years 1 day ago
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11 years 2 days ago
 
Posts: 2256

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I try my best to ignore the staring. I'm starting to get to the point where I just don't care anymore. I still have privacy because I can spend my time in my apartment alone. I really miss being invisible though, it was something I wasn't bothered by at home. Of course I haven't been here that long, I could still have a mental breakdown in the future for all I know.

GoldenBoy:

That's not life though, is it?

11 years 1 day ago
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11 years 2 days ago
 
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yeah whenever i'm not stared at i feel strange. i somewhat need the attention now

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11 years 2 days ago
 
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About the staring: I stare back, I am Brazilian hahaha
the trauma is to be the only western in my town, which made me the only expat here, and I have to drive about two hours if I need a Pizza or a Big mac, I hate KFC

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11 years 2 days ago
 
Posts: 1006

Shifu

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After 6 years I find it's like a roller coaster, love, hate, indifferent, hate, love, ok, hate, hate, hate, like, indifferent, love, detest, loathing, murder, murder, MURDER....

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11 years 1 day ago
 
Posts: 333

Governor

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If you have this issue or that issue here in China, it's the best for you to just pick up things of yourself and go back home.

this is not an unfriendly warning! just to give you a kick to understand you are IN A DIFFERENT CULTURE WORLD here. I think ppl in a foreign land all of us will feel things difficult, different than home, etct. What you should ask is how to enjoy your time while you are still here.... Smile

TedDBayer:

why not a friendly warning,?? ,the Chinese need to treat their guests better, no scamming, no over charging, no stealing, no starring, no rudeness, now behave or I'll break your finger cause we know how to do this easily,,> by punching you in the nose

11 years 1 day ago
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crimochina:

i know 2 thing from your comments, you are chinese and you have never been outside of china. if you travel outside of china you will understand.

11 years 1 day ago
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GoldenBoy:

I wondered when someone would be 'wise' enough to make the comment about sending everyone home if they are not as happy as they could possibly be here in China. Surely everyone encounters problems at some point or another. Shouldn't people work through these problems rather the run away from them? Genius.

11 years 1 day ago
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Njord:

Who the phuck are you, the sheriff? suck my dink. To use the words "culture" and China together blasphemes the word "culture"....Unfriendly warning?? What are you going to do? Tell your mom?!? I assume you're Chinese? Your English sucks, so only a guess....

11 years 1 day ago
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Njord:

So staring and acting like a retard is Chinese culture? Then the Chinese culture is retarded.

11 years 1 day ago
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Localla:

Njord and crimochina , both morons here. If both of you cant speak anything insightful, just keep mouth to your dink. stupif fxk. I'm not even interested to see your ids in my posts. Tedbayer where the fck do you give yourself a guest position here? are you a joke? who invited you? oh wait, you are not invited,you just like those losers back home who go to friends house for free foods, etc, don't you? and you can punch whoever here? i dare you, COWARD FOREIGNERS . Goldenboy,about stares and privacy issues, these are NOT PROBLEMS in Chinese culture, it's just YOU foreigners think it's a big deal in your life here. OK? I JUST DONT LIKE THE TONE AND THE WAY OF OP TO STATE HER PROBLEMS HERE, this is why i gave a KICK on HER ass. China "problems" can be found everywhere and seriously need to improve, however it's a long way to do it. What foreigners PROBLEM here i see is you CANT EVEN SEE CLEAR OF LIFE ESSENCE, just to come to a place to vent your frustration. THIS IS VERY RUDE, UNEDUCATED and NOT CIVIZED...try your best to say something inspiring and insightful..that way China may change quicker as you expect!

11 years 1 day ago
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lchickman:

Well, I actually disagree with you Localla. I have a good Chinese friend here who has lived her whole life (28 years) in China. She lives in Shanghai but is originally from a smaller city. I ask her often about Chinese norms, culture, etc. She told me that staring at people IS considered rude in China and you won't find many Chinese doing it to other Chinese, which I have noticed is true. For some reason, however, many Chinese have a tendency to assume that 1) foreigners can't understand them speaking Chinese and 2) that if we can't understand them we must not see them staring/pointing/laughing/making gestures etc. When I complain to my Chinese friends and coworkers about these things they are not proud, but extremely embarrassed. Thus, it is safe to say these things don't make up Chinese "culture", but more so Chinese bad habits and ignorance. If you endured the same thing in America or other western countries you would quickly describe us the same way. We unapologetically express our frustrations here because the treatment we endure is done so unapologetically. That doesn't mean we don't like the country and [some] Chinese people. So chill out. If the comments here bother you so much don't read them. Just like we have the option to go home , you have the option to go to other websites .

11 years 1 day ago
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Njord:

wow easy Trollzilla (Localla)!!! Learn to write English or stick to weibo ... Goof.

11 years 22 hours ago
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TedDBayer:

Also Localia,, what are you doing if not venting and very stupidly ??,,, BTW the breaking a finger by punching you in the nose,,,, very old joke,,,, but one obviously ,as I knew it would be,, beyond your ability to grasp. You seem angry.. My post was not written to be angry or violent,, BTW who ask you here?

11 years 11 hours ago
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11 years 1 day ago

I like a snowy Happy new year, rather than a no sky one...Beijing's time to ban the cars---the only solution for the time being...

 
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I love living in a fishbowl!! Instead of being intimidated, ask them if they want an autograph.
Grow a beard, and wear Bono sunglasses, even at night....some of them even ask for pictures with me!!

When I go home it feels strange blending in. Shock

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11 years 1 day ago
 
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I was waiting for someone to come up and stare at me, never happened. I was going to stare back with a snear and pass my hand up in front of my face and smile as my hand passed over and then bring my hand back over my face and change to a snear and do this again,, and then laugh at them,,,I was wondering if I could make them laugh doing this ?? I had a hard time getting laughs,, I had to explain why somethings were funny.

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11 years 1 day ago
 
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The staring is ok. I just smile with a big grin. It unnerves them. I offer to let them take photos of me, I provide them with my autograph. They think I'm famous. I have been on TV 2 times already locally so the autograph is now justified!!
Language is the big problem - tend not to go out a lot due to communication difficulties. By 'go out' I mean to local bars or restaurants on my own. Shopping and work - no problems.
Privacy - probably have too much and maybe not healthy but I am getting some stuff done that I never had the opportunity or time to do before and always wanted to do - guitar, computer, writing.
Yep, going out with the rest of the foreigners is a good break because you can speak in your own accent and as fast as you like and know that you are being understood. Being able to talk shit with a belly full of beer is great as well!
Smile

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11 years 1 day ago
 
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My Chinese friends have felt bad for me. One even wanted me to wear a hat when we went to another city so people wouldn't stare at me. I explained to her that they already stare like crazy here, why would it matter if they stare in another city?

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11 years 23 hours ago
 
Posts: 280

Governor

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I'm not traumatized (yet) but if someone told me they were I really wouldn't be surprised or find it funny . A friend of mine's young daughter (7) is very traumatized . When her family would be out people would take picture of the young daughter because her hair was in braids and they had never seen anything like it . They would come up to her trying to touch her hair . I'd prolly be deported for seriously hurting someone if I had a child here and people did that to her . Now my friend's daughter runs and hides when they have picture day at her (int'l) school because she's terrified of cameras . It's so sad

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11 years 22 hours ago

Before you judge someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you're a mile away and you have their shoes!

 
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