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Q: Does China make you feel stuck in Limbo?
For all of you that haven't lived here for more than a year or so, you probably still have the sense of being a guest. So this question is more directed to what Chinese refer to as "Old-China Hand". Which basically means foreigners that have been in China for three years or more... and have gained a strong knowledge of some of China's inner-workings.
Anyway, I have been in China for seven years. There are parts of China I absolutely love and there are parts I just can't stand. I thought initially the problem was my tolerance and patience. So I learned Mandarin (to try and connect with the locals and understand), spent time in both large cities and very very rural parts of China. This helped but not much, I realized it wasn't the way I looked at them but the way they looked at me that caused most of the problem.
I thought being an English teacher may be causing a bit of the problem as well so I did my own thing outside the normal realm and created my own business. I did this to try and feel a stronger sense of freedom (of course bigger financial gains) but also see if I could exist in China with a stronger sense of SELF-RESPECT. Many of you know, that many teaching positions (NOT ALL) will seriously destroy your self-respect. My business can be moved or changed to anywhere in the world, so I DO NOT need to stay in China.
Another factor, I also married a Chinese local (that I loved) and did my best to try and be polite, understanding and educate her in the way foreigners think and work as well (a marriage is a two-way street right?). She has done her best but overall she can be very childish, selfish, careless and does very little to truly understand my side and help her Chinese side of the family to understand a foreigner's view. She should know as she is an English teacher and she has been abroad and has seen probably as many western movies as you could name. Her family is from a small village and their Mandarin is very poor... I have trouble communicating with them. So I rely heavily on her as a bridge but she has done very poorly in that area.
I am sure I am not the only one is this position but I feel like I have tried but I am still stuck in Limbo. I am not the type of person to truly be satisfied with being in a place but not becoming part of it. In China, it seems like no matter how hard I try, I am always repelled somehow. I feel like China is designed to be a revolving door for foreigners and nothing more... they don't really want us here... they just want our ideas, our money and our novelty.
Do you feel like you are stuck here in Limbo? Do some of you share the same sentiments?
China = Hotel California...
Red_Fox:
Robk - More to come... I want to share my China experience with you so you don't feel so downtrodden, disillusioned, or whatever makes your heart ache. Peace out, bro and later...
Couldn't have said it better. (mostly can't be arsed to type that much)
I do feel like that sometimes. What keeps me going is the thought that I will go back home after I graduate (maybe doctoral studies somewhere near home, maybe). I am definitely not planning to start a family in China. Perhaps a relationship or a marriage. How do you mean you loved your wife? Not anymore?
Basically, I'm here to learn more about China, travel, have some fun. I'm not trying to fully integrate into Chinese society, so it's not that bad.
Paulberger:
this is how it starts... I'm sure most long term expats have said this at one point...
angelina8:
I'm not exactly a neophyte. This is my third year in China (including long-ish breaks last year). I can speak Chinese, I'm going to lectures alongside Chinese people. One failed relationship with a Chinese guy. Lived in different parts of China. You are right about one thing. I wouldn't have a life to go back to. Meaning, I would have to start everything from scratch. The older people get, the less willing they are to do this. Who knows what will happen. However, I'm sure I would rather start a new life AGAIN than be miserable because I am not Chinese and feel like an outsider.
Robk:
Yes, I still love her but that kind of love may have changed. China is a remarkably interesting place. But I am with you, I feel like if I have children... you do what is best for them, without question. And China may not be the best thing for them, at least right now.
By the way, I wouldn't call relationships "failed" or "a failure"... If you have learned from it and it has somehow enriched your life, I would say that a success.
angelina8:
Right. One successful attempt at learning more about Chinese dating customs. Plus a glimpse into Chinese parenting style and family life.
Yes mate, what you said. Except the learning Chinese bit.
As your business is portable why not operate it out of another place?
You will keep your link here through your in-laws.
Red gives me the impression Spain's a good spot to kick back and I can recommend King's Beach to you.
ps...if you need a helper let me know, as my self respect could be nearing its use by date.
Robk:
Thanks, Spain may be an interesting idea I haven't looked into. Are you any good with IT or design sort of stuff? Haha.
I realized it wasn't the way I looked at them but the way they looked at me that caused most of the problem.
Very well said. China is China, you cannot change their way of thinking.
Life in China have a bitter-sweet taste, strong in the bitter side. It's the 21th century's Far West. Opportunities, ruthless society, fortunes are made and unmade quickly. It's not Hell. It' a Purgatory. Unless you wander in Yunnan free of duty, which is as close from paradise you can get in China ^^
Robk:
Funny, I was thinking of possibly Yunnan or Hong Kong. But wouldn't the problem of how they view foreigners still persist in Yunnan?
DrMonkey:
Good point... I went in Yunnan only for fun times, not for living & working. For the few hints I saw, I would except the same usual bullshit as any other place here. But the weather, some local form of melting pot and the surroundings have something going for it ?
I think everyone feels like that sometimes, but then again I feel like that at home...
I never fit in at home, so the need to fit in here has never manifest itself. Many of us have some idea of what we were getting into when we choose China. The melting pot ideation that we are use to in the west and other part of the globe have not materialized here. I think that is what China is pushing for, but it is going to take some time to get that concept into the mind of the common Chinese folks.
There's absolutely no planning here - people can't see past their next group eating frenzy. With no thinking about past events, and no consideration for the future I reckon stuck in limbo is a good description.
