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Q: Does a man need to be taught how to love a Chinese girl?
Is love universal or personal? How do men and women expect differently from love and lovers? What would you do to make a Chinese girl feel truly loved?
From my experience Chinese women arent all that different from any other woman.
Perhaps you ask too much.
Perhaps he just doesnt care to give anything.
Either way, your not content and its been years. Time for action.
mike695ca:
I did. But my teachers told me that psychologists cant be crazy.
Love is universal, but the expression of it is cultural.
Don't underestimate the cultural differences. Open and honest communication is needed.
And. Listen to yourself, not your family. A relationship with a foreign man will be a lot different, and your family's expectations may be the cause of more problems than your own.
Scandinavian:
can't beat that comment for need of looking up "succinctness"
Scandinavian:
bill, I didn't bother reading your comment, it is too wordy. Monosyllabic please !
Because Chinese girl are a different species from other girls in the world ?
Because there is a standard way to love a Chinese girl, to be followed like a regulation or cake recipe ?
I don't think you have well-defined way to love someone. In a couple, both side adapt to find a balance that makes everybody comfortable. That balance is different for everyone and there might be many possible balances for one couple. No matter what balance works for you, it takes efforts and exploration. If only one side is doing efforts, you should really little self-confidence to not feel revolted. And if no balance can be found, you might as well break-up and move on.
Love is universal, what is expected by both sides in a relationship can vary depending on the culture and the individual.
My partner and myself have the same age, we both come from modest families and are working hard to succeed in life, we have similar interests and hobbies, still cultural differences are not to be ignored, she is open minded and so am I, but sometimes it can be hard to find a middle ground between our cultural "norms".
But with efforts and understanding from both sides we can overcome cultural differences, my partner is exceptional and we definitely complete each other, she is talented where I am awful and the opposite.
The mistake to never ever make if you are teaching in China is to date a Chinese teacher from your school, I know many people who did it, you will regret it soon or late.
Scandinavian:
Re the mistake to never make.... shouldn't you add. "unless she is really hot" because universally, that cancels out rules, common sense etc.
This thread is stupid and appeals to a week mind.
Englteachted:
Someone with sense! What the hell makes Chinese women so special.
What women need is some good ole fashioned sweet lovin'. I'd say in general it takes at very least a few tries till you find the right match for you, even when you have shared culture. A lot of people on this forum have cross culture relationships so I wouldn't say it's a "Chinese thang"
For Chinese women, men have to imagine holding your balls between their knees when they walk, this makes you walk like you are shackled, while carrying her purse with two hands. It is better to walk behind her so she does not see all of your faults and ones that you don't really have, if she does see you. You must never upset her or you will publicly be embarrassed by her loud crying or screaming. Men must buy her nice things like iPad and always agree with her. At night men must make her cry like a she wolf.
To try and give a little bit silly question a fair answer, obviously there is nothing super unique about china or it's women.
But there are personality types/traits that are gonna be more common in Chinese women than in other groups. Some guys are going to find them really great and others aren't going to understand the appeal at all.
What happens I think in expat/chinese girl relationships that go badly is that they were born more of convenience than anything else. A guy might fantasize strictly about latina women or blonde north european types, but since he's in China he ends up with a girl who for all the good things she might be, is just not what he's looking for. So after a while he gets bored and frustrated.
It's not something that can really be trained into someone. I could be out with friends and someone can explain exactly everything he finds sexy/appealing about a chinese girl...I can't tell him he's wrong cause it's opinion but he'll never convince me that local girl is half as attractive as the Brazilian or Slavic girls there.
And i'm sure somewhere in Shanghai there is a beautiful Italian girl frustrated that all the cool guys she knows are dating Chinese girls.
Most men and women have their type and there's no teaching them out of it. The danger in China is that it's easy for a guy to date a girl they have basically no interest in just cause of availability. The guy should some self control and initiative in that case and not waste anybodies time.
The question is, can a Chinese girl learn that love is more than a simple business transaction.
just do as you are told like the rest of us 
jetfire9000:
And whatever you do don't ignore them when they are nagging you to do yet another thing. The nagging will turn into a full blown temper tantrum.
Hello guys,
For those of you who found my question below your esthetic expectations but nevertheless had the audacity to reply anyway, may I ask you to think deeper?
I was kind of surprised that no one mentioned family as a factor that may hinder people's ability to love. As Quinn68 observed, love is not just a business transaction where the parties involved care about nothing but their own needs. Real, mature love should be the opposite, arising from concerns about the other party and settling in each other's best interests. Do we have this kind of love in this world? I believe so, but it's too rare for me even to see, not to mention having it in my life.
Based on your ideas and my own thoughts, I now come to understand that anyone, foreigner or Chinese, man or woman, needs to learn how to love someone they hope to establish a meaningful relationship with. Why? Because love is not a subject taught at school. And we humans are supposed to be more advanced than animals in terms of reproduction and sexuality. We require spiritual and emotional satisfaction as well, and giving it is not something precast in our genes. It is an acquired skill schools do not teach. The only place to learn it is your family. Like most skills, the earlier to learn it the better.
The next question is, who is/was your teacher? I'd say anyone that set up a good example for you to learn and learn actively. They may be your friends who love their (potential) spouses. Your uncles and aunts who have spent 30 years in marriage still content with each other. But the earliest teachers can be no other than your parents. How they treat each other and what they say to each other form much of your love education that can hardly be undone. You have problems with one woman/man? They may be attributed to compatibility issues. But if you have problems with several women/men, you may need to stop complaining about the world and think about your early love education, and that's something the younger generations of many countries need, particularly China.
To put simply, the verb form of love is a piggy bank. No one knows how to love if they are empty inside. Filling you is your and your parents' responsibility. Do it now before it's too late.
expatlife26:
I learned about love from a little show called Xena: Warrior Princess
coineineagh:
So, your question was rhetorical. You cared only for the answer you wanted to see. By the definitions you've made, my childhood doesn't bode well. Born a bastard (raised alone by unmarried mother), behave like a bastard. There were no proper role models in long term relationships for me to copy from. But here I am, awaiting my second baby, and never going to abandon them. Sometimes it's scary how much people think and deduce following storytelling narratives. When I grew up, I encountered resistance from people who felt I *should* fail in life. I didn't want my life to be a posterchild for single parenting, but that's what it appeared for many people. If I was successful in life, why should couples stick together and care for their children? If I could be smart without growing up with popular friends and expensive toys, why make an effort? No offense to your well-intentioned opinions, but i spotted a lot of the logic failures and judgementalism that has hounded me in my own life.
flyingheart:
@coineineagh, I have not made myself very clear, sorry about that. There are many ways you can learn to love, parents are just the EARLIEST way. Statistics show that children who grow up with family violence are more likely to be violent when they have their own families. When parents show love to each other and appreciate it, they will likely have children who are more likeable than those in love-deprived families. This is science.
I have a friend who was orphaned when he was young. His uncle took him in and loved him as one of his own sons. More importantly he knew he was loved. Now he is a successful business man, a good husband, and a proud father.
Another friend of mine lost the love of her father at a young age and started to hate him when her parents got divorced on very bad terms. She ended up having 6 or more relationship failures and currently sleeps with a boy to whom she refers as "friend".
There ARE exceptions. I'm making a broad generalization here.
This is not a rhetorical question, and all the answers have something that opened up my mind (or eyes). But it doesn't mean I can't talk about my own ideas for the benefits of discussion, does it?
There is a difference between the ability to love - which we all have
and the way it is expressed - which is a learnt ability, primarily from the earliest care-givers or peer group
Scandinavians answer sums it up best
