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anonymous
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Q: Does my girlfriend love me?

She is Chinese, I am Canadian. I have come to China 3 times total; the first time we met when I was a teacher, the next two times to see her for extended periods(1 month and 6 months).

I go to visit her just because she won't come to Canada, because her family doesn't want her to. They want her to live close to home.

We have a great time when we are together, and she knows I love her and will marry her after she experiences Canada for a bit.

She has a busy, low-paying job, and her parents are below middle class (which is a pretty insecure and poor life in my books).

 

She says she can't come because her parents say no, but is it just because she doesn't love me?

Is her family selfish?

 

I just don't understand.

11 years 16 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Comments (2)
Posts: 2409

Emperor

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Welcome to Asia.  This is a very, very common situation here.  Family ties will almost always win over romantic relationships.  

 

Your only hope would be to stay in China for a year or two so the family could get to know you and make sure that you won't steal their child and abandon her once you get to Canada.   (This may sound silly, but for them it is a very real thought.)

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11 years 16 weeks ago
 
Posts: 5539

Emperor

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first you said you "come to china to visit her..."  and then you said you "go to visit her" wait are you in china or canada?

 

you said you will marry her after she experiences canada but earlier you said she can't because her family won't let her. so when is she going to see canada? plus you said her family is poor, then how exactly is she going to get a visa. (every real expat knows this)

"in my books" this along with the other chinglish confirms that you are chinese. but your english is very good. 

how is a poor family gonna afford for her to visit canada? much less qualify for a visa? the problem is your story is bogus. too much chinglish too many logical disconnects.

 

JungleLife:

'in my books' I use

11 years 16 weeks ago
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11 years 16 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2536

Emperor

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Love is a loaded word in China with women.

On a side note the odds of you even getting her a visa when you are not married and she is from a poorer family is nil.

Your only chance is to marry her and stay is China for at least a year or 2 and apply for the visa at this stage...with the help of an immigration lawyer.

I think using a visit to Canada when this is not possible as a red line in the sand to force her intentions in wrong.

You should have done the research before putting her in this ultimatum.

If you really love her you will put in your time in China first...

My girlfriend has doubts about Canada all the time...she thinks maybe she will like it and maybe not...she would prefer I stay in China because she doesn't understand yet.

All parents have concerns about their Children leaving them far behind...even western parents.

Most Chinese women...regardless of how much they really love you...will respect their parents wishes above all regardless of the intelligence behind them.

My GF would prefer parental agreement but will do it regardless because she loves me and wants to...unlike many Chinese women.

Think about this carefully.

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11 years 16 weeks ago
 
Posts: 50

Governor

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I am wondering whether you actually need to ask your girlfriend this question.

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11 years 16 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1693

Emperor

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Who cares. Get a dog. You know it will love you.

BiLi:

Dog is to hairy. Yuuuuck!!!

11 years 14 weeks ago
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11 years 16 weeks ago
 
Posts: 614

Shifu

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Man,let's face the reality.

Firstly,Can't you stay in China for more time ?and do some work to show your GF and her parents as well to let them know that you are a nice man and care for her.

Secondly,Since your GF has a busy job with low paid and her family are poor,How can she get a visa to Canada? things you need to do is,stay in China with her and prove that you guys live together for more than 1 year,then she can apply for a visa to Canada for a visit,Otherwise,it's not going to work out as per her situation  to be honest. as we all know that,it's so hard to get a visa for single Chinese women to travel to developed countries.

I am a Chinese woman who married an Australian BTW.

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11 years 16 weeks ago
 
Posts: 205

Governor

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I agree with basically all the above posters.  If you love her and want to marry her then stay with her in China for a few years.  A healthy relationship requires some sacrifice.  Get married in China and then apply for a spouse visa.  If you aren't interested in marriage then do both of you a favor and find yourself a Canadian girl. 

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11 years 15 weeks ago
 
Posts: 113

Governor

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I think you do not love your girl friend.If you love her.You should consider her family.why you must require your gf go to Canada with you give up all the things in China.

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11 years 15 weeks ago
 
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