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Q: DOES YOUR CHINESE MOTHER IN LAW LIVE WITH YOU? HOW DO YOU COPE WITHE THE SPITTING?

am  an African married to a Chinese and  because we need help with our 2 kids so we invited my mother in law to live with us but she pisses me off with her spitting. she spits everywhere around my apartment so i find it hard eating at home cos at the sound of it i lose my appetite! she even spit on the bathroom floor. am so irritated. Any if you have same experience?

5 years 45 weeks ago in  Lifestyle - Beijing

 
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Posts: 2494

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You done screwed up! 

 

You violated rule number 1 for getting married in China. NO MOTHER IN LAWS!!!

I bet your already wishing you paid for that nanny.

 

Your screwed, theres nothing you can do.  Shes gonna have your baby shitting in the street wether you like it or not.

 

How is your wife gonna tell her mom to stop loogying on the floor? Its a non starter.

 

Shes always gonna walk around  with her arm up to her elbows in her nose while sitting there eating an apple that makes the most horrific sounds ever known to man.

 

You, are screwed.

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5 years 45 weeks ago
 
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you are f*cked.  you should have put your foot down from day one.  since you couldn't man up and do it, you are going to go through hell for now on.  the chinese will do as the please whether it offends you or not, its their way or no way.  your only hope is to move her out, pay for a nanny that will obey your rules and culture, and hope your wife decides to side with you instead of her god, the almighty mother.... 

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5 years 45 weeks ago
 
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Luckily, my in-laws never ever spit, and they are born & bred in the countryside. However, statistically, by calling Chinese MIL to the rescue, you managed to open the Pandora Box, a rift to the Twilight Zone, a portal to Hell, while dividing by zero and opening a canister of highly radioactive wastes...

 

All you can do is damage control, slow & patient reconquest of the lost ground. It's gonna take months to improve, in the best scenario. We are talking of a situation were flamethrowers, nerve gases and bunker busters would do zilch. The idea is to have your wife acknowledge the problem, and have her gently explain to MIL that it's fine now, thanks for the help and goodbye.

 

So here what you can try

* Try to have a walk outside with your wife, when both of you are in a good mood. Talk frankly about MIL attitude, how much it's not ok for you, that even kids back home would not do that and would understand how bad it is. Keep cool while talking, don't be too emotional about it but say the things. Mention the influence it have on your kid.

* If your wife is in denial (a likely hypothesis), you need a bigger gun. Makes short videos of MIL spitting on the floor. Not one, but a dozen. Announce the date and the time at the start of the video. After saving the videos somewhere safe, show the compilation to your wife, saying quietly that this is just not ok. Tell to your wife you love her, but that they have to work on the MIL problem, and that you want to help you wife, doing it together. Also, that if your wife keep her head buried in the sand, you will deal with the problem your way. To be said quietly with your best "I'm sorry, babe" face.

* If wife is still in denial, you have to face the Gates Of Doo.... errrr, MIL by yourself. If you don't speak some bits of Mandarin or whatever dialect MIL speaks, learn some. Short of this, you can't solve the problem in a civilized way. Sit next to MIL on the sofa, tell her with your softest voice, you have something to show her : the videos of her spitting. Tell her, that doing this in your home is not ok, that you love her as the mom of her wonderful daughter.... But that she have to cut the spitting. Buy her some simple gift, even new socks will do. Rinse, repeat, until something happen, either daughter or MIL.

* Be warned, the reaction can be your wife doing a trip to the hospital for a nervous breakdown, MIL switching to emergency mode. You step on eggs here, the shit is very close from the fan,

* If wife acknowledge the problem, there's hope. One solution is to send MIL back from where she came, smoothed out with some gifts. Of course, you guys visit her sometimes, but she don't live with you. Or, you guys seat together with MIL, some good tea, good fruits, a gift for her, and gently ask her to stop spitting, please oh pretty please. Rinse, repeat, until MIL changes or go away.

 

The key is to stay smooth but firm, keeping your ground, accepting no bullshit, but being a bit culturally aware in the way to signal things. It will likely be a great learning moment for your wife, maybe (fat chances !) for MIL too. Good luck, all my support.

 

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5 years 45 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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so actually we should move on from your mother is so fat.... jokes to your MIL is... jokes :/

 

my MIL is actually quite nice but i really dont want anyone living with me.

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5 years 45 weeks ago
 
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HE WHO SACRIFICE FREEDOM FOR SECURITY DESERVE NEITHER surprise not exactly matching here, but applicable on situation. be ready to have hard life, but never ever accept MIL or even some auntie, live-in ... If your wife can not handle 2 kids, she have to ask my mom, we was 3 , or my younger sister, she have 3 kids too, and no husband.

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5 years 45 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Find a way for her to go back to her hometown.  I'm a very patient and nice guy who can endure a lot but now I've also had enough with my MIL living with us.  Chinese are trained to always look after mom and dad and take their side.  They go before the husband.  Most are oblivious to discussion when it comes to their mom so talking about it will likely backfire. . Chinese moms are used to being in total control which will marginalize your role in the family leading to severe laziness, depression and temptation to have a fling.  Get her out asap.

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5 years 45 weeks ago
 
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The Chinese mother in law..... the best contraceptive ever invented.....

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5 years 45 weeks ago
 
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I paid a large Chinese Triad to come to my apartment one fateful evening.

 

He totally accidentally "bumped" in to her and she "fell" down the stairs.. It is horrible, what a tragic accident... 

 

But hey... Now I can sleep with a smile! 

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5 years 45 weeks ago
 
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Pretty damn disgusting man. Play the disease spreading card. Have sincere concern that it may spread possible disease. Baby's health could be affected. 

Then

Ask nicely but firmly that due to her habit, she needs to get tested for EVERYTHING. Hope she's afraid of needles and all that jazz. Then the whole situation re: spitting is under review,she might clean up her act.

 

Otherwise get her a good old fashioned spit bucket and put a solution of disinfectant and water at the bottom. Clean the floor with bleach. Make her feel dirty and a health hazard!!!

 

 

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5 years 45 weeks ago
 
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I read this constantly on this site. It must be where you are or where the people are from that do the spitting. I spent a year in Nanning, some time traveling around and I never saw anyone spit. In fact one day I was walking in Nanning and a fly flew in my mouth and I spit it out, instantly and older Chinese man came up to me and give me hell for spitting in the street?

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delete this post... it is vile. It was even more vile. downvote it. something's wrong with me

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