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Q: Does your Chinese spouse's complete lack of domestic skills make you insane?
Seriously. I understand things like not being able to cook peanut butter on toast, it's not a type of food Chinese people are familiar with, but is it that hard to simply KNOW that a towel has to be spread out and hung up to dry, not just tossed on the counter in ball?
Or that you need to wash dishes in hot water?
Or that grown ups wash the dishes and keep the house clean?
Or that condiments need to be put back in the fridge when you're done with them?
I am at my wit's end with this stuff. I don't want to be a condescending jerk to my wife, but it seems like I have to explain this kind of stuff to her like she's a child. We plan to have kids, how can we have kids in chaos?
Jesus.
Rant done.
My mate told me that he had to kick his girlfriend out, because she was dirty. Apparently he got up and went to have a piss in the sick, and she hadn't done the washing up.
you forgot to mention that even though you are in Canada you are the foreigner .As for the other stuff I found it better to smile and walk away , muttering this isn't China but it may as well be
and this is why we Drink!!!
When I first arrived, my Chinese girlfriend and I lived together and she was exactly like that. I dumped her a while ago.
The thing that annoys me most in the kitchen is that after washing, before anything can be used again it must be rinsed with boiled water (water being boiling not a requirement)
A friend of mine wisely said "The problem in China is not the plates it's the food"
Boiling a kettle full of water when needing a teaspoon is just such a waste of power and time, when said teaspoon is to be used to stir a cup of tea made with water at 80C then I just don't know what the point is.
Before we moved to China I saw it as eccentric but it has become much much worse in China, and now she is basically just a slob. Strangely the other week at my parents place, things were what I would call normal, and not just an act to be nice to the in laws as they weren't there most of the daytime
Is this a "one child policy bonus feature" of our wives. I think the older generations seems to be more tidy
I'm very sorry for the rest of you. I really must have hit the jackpot!
My wife is fully domesticated (as am I) so our house and lifestyle is the envy of others.
Have to say, she made me more civilised and house proud after years of living on my own.
Wonderful girl.
Nessquick:
Yep, seems we have something in common. Hope is not the same women :-)
DO NOT HAVE KIDS!!!! Sorry I'm too late to say, "DO NOT EVER GET MARRIED!!!" but the kids warning stands. I have twins...my wife thought it would be "cool" to have twins. Three times the trouble and expense and she wants no part nor parcel of being a mother now (go figure - she wants to 'relax' and 'play' and 'travel' and...ad infinitum). I work each day, come home and then rather than the 50's notion of having a nicely home-cooked dinner, drink and read the newspaper, I am expected to do the shopping before I come home, babysit and entertain the kids (more time for her to play online games), clean up, fix things around the house, sign for packages that arrive by courier (more useless crap that she orders because, after all, it's not her money) and the constant reminders that other girls married rich Chinese men who give them money for absolutely everything at any time. DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS "WOMAN"!
Sinobear:
That's only the half of it! I didn't want to go into detail as either I or you readers would become suicidal. And no, she was not like this while we were dating...Mrs. Hyde stayed hidden until the kids were born.
Scandinavian:
I am not planning to have children with your woman !!!
This is why we have a dog. It is the test of how committed in caretaking I can expect the wife to be.
It is generally sad to see how Chinese parents make little effort in taking care of their children, until of course tiger mom kicks in when school age start. It is as if babies are nor humans.
Look at the positives; you get to spend time with your children.
Red_Fox:
You were suckered into marrying and impregnating a woman who has got the mind and emotional intelligence of a child. (No disrespect intended.) Man, I feel for you. On the other hand, I suspect had you married "closer to home", you would have been far better off...
You're trapped, buddy. Unless you man up and start calling the shots.
My mate told me that he had to kick his girlfriend out, because she was dirty. Apparently he got up and went to have a piss in the sick, and she hadn't done the washing up.
i ve had flatmates from other ( Western countries ) who were also totally dirty and lazy when it came to doing the house work, so , i don't know why you complain so much, just an example- my Canadian flatmate would just use ANYTHING she saw on the table , on the shelves, without EVER asking if it was okay, or whenever she would make herself a cup of coffee, there would be coffee all over the place, and she d just leave it like that , and so on, and so on....
nevermind:
Cause we're married, there's a difference between older married people and college roommates.
instant_noodles:
we were not roommates back in college, this was just until last year, i'm talking about people in their 30-es, so, my point was that it's not only the Chinese who lack those skills...
nevermind:
Except it seems more prevalent with Chinese people. And it is not normal for a married person to be a slob in my experience at any age. And we're not just talking about being messy. We're talking about a complete lack of knowledge of HOW to keep a house. For example using hard core cleaners on the shower tile, not just dish soap.
instant_noodles:
well, i can only thank God that i haven't and will not have to live with Chinese
My GF is the exact same.
The only thing she does is cook (pretty darn good I might add) and absolutely refuses to do anything else.
Wet towels left on the bed in a ball...never hangs up or puts away clothes...never cleans or puts away ANYTHING...never washes clothes...but has the freakin nerve to complain when the house gets too dirty...even though she doesn't work and only watches TV all day and plays on the IPad.
I have to do everything unless I bring in the ayi.
I am away on business now so her mother came to stay with us while I am away...presumably to clean up after her so she can continue in her sloth like behavior.
My wife is the 1950's dream wife (46).... all the shopping, cooking and cleaning, washing and mopping. And she has an 8 hour a day, 7 days a week job...... I watch TV and occasionally go for a walk.
The sometimes live-in daughter (23) on the other hand is pretty much useless!!!! MOMMY, MOMMY........... and Mom puts up with it.... I have started on my teaching career, I will have her tending to me and Mom in a couple months/years/decades... whatever it takes, I am committed or more likely will be committed.
Scandinavian:
I am aware this may present a conflict with your partner, but wouldn't a 23 year old be better off living on her own ?
BHGAL:
she's just here for August ..back to work/school in Shenzhen next month..... Oh what a relief it is!!!
I work in an office full of women and I joke with them that I make for a better "wife" than they do. I can cook, clean, iron, sew, scrub, and have other domestic skills. But then again I learned these skills in the military, and from my mom who made me help her around the house.
I usually find that women and men born after the late 70s, and subject to the one child policy, have the least domestic skills since all was done for them. The only thing they had to do was study. That is still the same now. I know one girl who did not understand that when she put uncooked rice into oil it did not taste the same as the fried rice at a restaurant.
It is fine to study and have a good salary in a great career. But learning how to cook a bit and do other stuff for yourself can also save you a lot of money.
Hey nevermind... been there... Chinese people are incredibly ignorant in general, so it's pretty aggravating. However, if you can be patient and deal with her, she'll probably listen to you. Even if it really, really pisses you off sometimes. I'm gonna share some things with y'all, stuff I normally wouldn't share here...
My wife had no domestic skills when we first got married. At all. That's why she wouldn't do anything. Everything she ever needed was done for her by her parents. She never needed to do anything except study, and they couldn't help her with her studies because her entire family was uneducated.
Slowly, but surely, I showed her that it takes two to tango. I love my wife very much and divorce is not an option, so I just went out of my way to teach her what she needs to know. She's just really ignorant like the majority of Chinese, though a lot less ignorant than she was before. Her parents helped, too. They would scold her for being lazy and not taking good care of me.
She wouldn't do any housework, so I let all the dishes pile up, the dirty clothes, etc. I wanted to show her what would happen if she doesn't do anything. Turned our house in Changsha into a damn pig sty. Then I cleaned it up and told her if she wanted anything done, she'd have to do it herself: I was busy with school and work, and couldn't hold her hand all the time. She complained to her mother, and her mother was actually on my side... lol.
I had to teach her a lot of things because these things simply aren't "things" in China. For example:
- You need to use hot water to wash dishes
- You should wash your hands after handling eggs/meat, and not rub it everywhere.
- You actually need to use soap to wash your hands. Hot water too. Not a cold rinse. This isn't China.
- Anything Japanese is "evil," but I've been trying to get the brainwash out of her with great results.
- When she saw a black person, she would actually say out loud while giggling, "too black." I've been telling her not to think out loud and that people are different everywhere. Notice the past tense.
- When she saw a morbidly obese person (this is America, they're EVERYWHERE), she would laugh and say "too fat." They could hear her. No doubt they went home to depression-binge on ice cream and cake while crying and watching Richard Simmons tapes on VHS.
- You need to take your calcium supplements (iron too; she was anemic due to chronic beef rejection). This is not a joke: Chinese have weak-as-fuck bones, as evidenced by a story I'll tell you below.
My wife recently broke her collarbone, while pregnant and almost broke her NECK by not listening to me. Not once, not twice, but four times in a row. She failed to listen four times in a row while I was trying to teach her how to swim. The last time, she super-panicked, grabbed onto the end of the pool, back-flipped out of the pool and landed onto a solid rock and pump... totally unexpected.
She cannot have surgery until she gives birth. By then, it may heal incorrectly and she may lose the full use of her arm. Then they'll have to break it during surgery and set it up again. It took a situation like this for her to realize I am not fucking joking, and she should actually listen to me.
My wife suffered malnutrition all of her life, and that's why she's so short (4'9"), but now that she's getting proper nutrition due to vitamins and a good diet, her hair color has changed from discolored to coal black. Her body is doing much better, and her "thinking" has improved considerably. Moreover, her broken collarbone has healed rapidly. Get your wife on a vitamin set... calcium and iron most likely. Take her for a vitamin checkup as soon as possible to see what she's deficient in. Check for vitamin D deficiency too.
She does none of those ignorant things anymore. She's only been here two months, but I took an active interest in the unbrainwashing of her mind. I fully understood that she had a lot of problems that come with being raised in China and brainwashed by the CCP. I've simply showed her the truth, now that she can access the outside internet.
I plan long term. When we were in China, I tried to get her to access many websites, but they were all banned in China. When we got home, I showed her the same sites, and she began fully realizing the truth about everything in China. She was able to see things for what they really are.
I've actually had good results. She just doesn't know a lot of things, and she's ignorant about many things as well. Just be patient, man... remember that she's still dealing with the loss of your child and her mind is wandering everywhere. I know it's easy to get angry with her, but it's not worth it. Remember, her parents probably never told her they loved her, and probably never even gave her a hug in their lives -- just like my wife's parents, and all the other Chinese girls I know. Psychologically, that causes a lot of problems as well.
Just be patient, bro... show her what to do. She'll make mistakes as she forgets, but that's to be expected. Just try your best to get her to do what she should do, so you don't have to do all the work. And get her on some vitamins if she isn't.
Scandinavian:
Actually there is no hygienic reason to use warm water for hand washing, it is just comfort and typically soap rinses off easier. In terms of bacteria removal, you must rely on the cleansing effect of the soap, not the temperature. The reason why dishwashing requires hot water is that is softens the fat left on the plates. Remember, if you want to kill bacteria with temperature you need to go up to 60C (that is 140F to those of you who are still on the old system) and I doubt you will stick your hands in anything 60C
When it comes to taking iron supplements it is relevant to know that coffee, tea and milk (or substances in these) binds iron and thus prevents the body in properly absorbing it. A glass of orange juice to wash down the iron tablets is the way to go.
I don't put up with sloppy women. I'm too anal, I like things nice and orderly, no mess, no clutter.
actually my gf and I have been together for a few months. At first, she had almost no skills, then I started taking her to other western friends homes. From then on, she learned the beauty of a clean home, the freshness you can get from opening the door. She is now quite good with everything except using the dryer. Its still so foreign to her, but we're young, She'll get there.
