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Q: Ever hooked-up with someone you met on a website?
I made friends with a girl on THIS forum through a PM that was sent to me. We've only talked on QQ and via text for about 3 weeks. She goes to a university here in Guangzhou and I work here, so there has always been the opportunity to meet, but I've never made an issue of it.
Yesterday, she sent me a message saying she 'lost her keys' to her family home AND dormitory and needs somewhere to sleep tonight. The girl has recently been very.. clingy with me, so I am curious if she really 'lost' her keys or just lost them for the sake of sleeping together? Today on the phone I offered to give her the money she needs to stay in a hotel, but she seemed confused when I implied we wouldn't be 'sleeping together.'
I feel dumb as hell, but in my mind if she implies that sleeping alone makes her feel unhappy, than this means she wants to have sex tonight, right? For all my experience, I've never met a girl online and then had a one-night-stand or whatever.. It kind of freaks me out that this 19 year old girl has NO qualms about sleeping in bed with a foreigner after only chatting online for 3 weeks.
Also, I do know that by posting this on THIS forum I will probably get murdered. I've actually decided not to go because I don't know her at all and it's too fast. Am I insane or what? Have you ever had a similar experience? Share your stories?
9 years 42 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Well mate...what I think is this.....You're a cpl of cans short of a slab. A sandwich short of a picnic. A chop short of a barby. A kind of a F I G J A M sort of bloke.
Basically you come across as a dickhead.
No offence, but that's how I see it.
mike695ca:
As per the norm, i agree with royce. If you met her here then shes obviously gonna read it. Which is kind of a bitch way to get her to scram. Also, were almost all foreigners. We all have crazy girls that want to sleep with us at one point or another. The reason you dont see the topic on here all the time is because its a moronic thing to brag about in any form. Its kinda like feeling proud for beating a dwarf in a height contest.
Vallyntin:
Why is that any time I talk about women or sex on this forum it is automatically considered bragging? It has already been stated a couple million times that this is normal. So, how am I bragging if I am doing the same as most other foreigners? Am I somehow different or special because unlike most of the fags here I have the balls to actually be "open" about what is going on in my life? I probably am a dickhead, so are most of the other people on this forum, including yourselves.
royceH:
Well, fair enough. I AM a dickhead. Duly acknowledged. And not just by me. My wife thinks I'm not much older than about 12.
But you're missing the point. If you and I knew each other reasonably well, well then you could tell my all about your capers over a few cold bevvies. That's the kind of setting that would be appropriate for a conversation of that sort.
But not on here. It just comes across as somehow unnecessary. Stupid.
Anyhow, good luck to ya...but perhaps keep it to yourself. Unless you want to catch up for an evening in the beer garden! 
royceH:
I'm gunna head over there right now. You know the one...where that little fella pissed all over the car while his proud mummy helped him a cpl of weeks ago.
Wonder what entertainment I've got in store tonight! Perhaps I'll have a skin full and see how far I can get. Maybe I'll try for OVER the car!
expatlife26:
Royce + Mike...I feel the same way here I did about juanisaac asking about dating a local celebrity, it's just kind of a...tacky thing to be bragging about.
and vallyntin, what advice do you expect to get? Either go for out and try to get her in bed and accept the consequences that it might backfire or don't. Keep your eyes open for warning signs/red flags and use good judgment.
The only foreigner/local relationship that's worth bragging about is "I met a really cool, smart woman with whom I have a happy relationship."
the other ones?
Sleeping around with lots of poor women? Tacky.
Dating a rich girl to avoid poverty (and becoming beholden to her/her family)? Tacky & ill advised.
Getting excited that a thin girl told you how handsome you are out of the blue? Tacky.
I actually don't even think that foreigners have as much of an advantage as loser locals tend to think. Show me a chinese guy in his 20s who can make 10K+/mth...with a foreign passport...whose parents (possibly) own a home abroad and each drive a car, and I'll show you a Chinese guy who has pretty much the same dating options as that foreign guy, except in reality way MORE options because no language barrier/foreign stigma..
The only option we have that he wouldn't is to date the rich girl who is genuinely attracted to white guys.
harvey2face:
your THE BIGGEST dickhead RoyceH who do you think you are?
royceH:
You, Mr 2 Face, can call me . . . . . . . . . . whatever the heck you want.
For I lose no sleep at all over your personal attack on me.
Why are you offended so?
The mate asks for advice, myself and a few others dole it out. Nothing malicious in any of it.
What's your problem?
Are you normal?
Are you American, Canadian, Australian, or from any of those "developed" European countries? If so, it might not be as simple as a one-night stand. Young Chinese girls can be much more evil than foreigners. Be ware online or offline. Good luck to you.
Vallyntin:
American. Yeah I know what you mean, the girl PM'd me from here and after brief chats online she is acting clingy and now wanting to sleep together because she 'lost' her keys. I get the impression next week she'll be telling me I owe her an iphone 6 or some other luxury item because I tapped that ass.
I think you are wrong. With the exception of axe wielding triad chicks (they account for less than 42% of women in China), what is there to loose in meeting up ?
Vallyntin:
Every woman I have ever slept with (not so many) have been people I have known for a longer time and developed a relationship with them (friend with benefits, girlfriend, side-chick, etc..). I've never had a one-night-stand before or jumped into bed with a nearly complete stranger before. I know what this girl looks like, she's not bad looking.. The man part of me is saying "DO IT!!!!" However... my brain is saying there will be consequences.. so I'm on the fence. Thanks for your reply!
Scandinavian:
I can understand you, I wasn't much of a one night stand type of guy myself.
A completely different viewpoint. If this girl were to be the future Mrs Vallentine, then it would be a shame that the two of you wasted the first weeks of knowing each other. Meeting doesn't have to mean sex, it can, but could also just mean a chance to talk face to face, and this would be where you'd really get to know each other. Call me old fashioned, but digital communication can't make up for real world encounters.
Another thing. Many years ago, I shared an office with two other guys. We were all in our early 20ies. A wedensday morning, the quiet one of us came and said he'd call in sick Friday, as this girl he'd been chatting with asked him to come for a visit. They'd never met, been chatting for some weeks. Today they have two kids.
Scandinavian:
@royceH. "Whippersnapper" not sure I am familiar with the term, but does it equate to "spring chicken" I am probably halfway through my life (here factoring in living in China as a reason for not reaching my expected living age)
Scandinavian:
I thought, when given the chance of guessing numbers, most well read people would go for 42, but 37 is more correct.
royceH:
I have read the classics, all four of them.
They're A Weird Mob, Cop This Lot, Gone Fishin' and Gone Gougin'.
you are thinking way too much and kinda sissy, for what i ve noticed but...What you are afraid of?Waking up in a bathtube covered on ice and and a brand new scar to show your mates ?Getting robbed? She crying for help the next day and accusing you of rape?....
Girls can be easy to meet up with, but the men f*cking hate you for it whether you are single or not. Actually, everyone but the girl hates you for it, so be on your guard. Keep an eye on your safety at all times. It sounds like you opted for one of the safer responses, so good on you.
Girls have a variety of intentions here, so it's important not to let attraction cloud your intuition. Easier said than done, of course.
Forum regulars criticise you for the theme of your posts. This isn't a guys' dating advice forum, and you use it that way a lot. Not every regular appreciates it.
Rent a hostel room to meet her, don't tell her where you live, Chinese girls like them. If Google is working search ''Penis removal in China'' BTW Vicky is in Shanghai. Are you sure it's not a dude? I never get PMs and half the QQ requests I get are dudes (refuse)
Met my wife on plentyoffish.....then had coffee in Guangzhou....and been together since.
As to the OP.....she could be after your body, your money or your kidneys! Or she could be totally naive and think you'll be a gentleman and not try to shag here!
Couple of years back, while living in Zhongshan, I got chatting with a young lady on weixin. Few weeks later, while chatting, I mentioned I was heading to Macau for the weekend (visa run). She asked if she could go with me. i told her quite straight out that I'd only booked a hotel room for myself but she still wanted to go. So I made sure my booking was for a twin room, picked her up Friday afternoon and we headed off to Macau. That was the first time we'd actually met. I told her before we went that she shouldn't trust men she'd not met before but she said she trusted me. Very naive young lady! Happy to say that she had her twin bed all to herself for the weekend but I had to suffer being dragged round cosmetic shops when I'd planned to have the weekend relaxing!
Not sure if you're looking for advice on what to do here, but if I were you I definitely wouldn't do it. I'm not a big guy on conspiracy theories or being cynical, but when in China my natural reaction is to assume that people have the worst intentions. Think about this girl that wants to sleep with you, and weigh the best and worst that could come out of it. The worst things by far outnumber the best. Of course... if you apply that thinking to many things, you'll end up a loser in life. But this is just one girl in China, and there will always be more. She may be out to blackmail you about getting you fired . She's had all the time in the world to make her plan up til now, and you wouldn't know anything about it. If you wanna play it safe, do it with the girls that talk to you as a result of having bumped into you or met you somehow.
I have a rock solid rule: Never hookup with a girl who chases you. I must do the choosing and I must do the chasing. Wolf chase the sheep, not the other way around.
That being said, I also met my wife on qq. But not blindly. Another qq friend introduced me to her. Before I came to China, I tried out sugardaddies.com on a lark. I hooked with a Korean girl. Will never do that again. But I contacted her first. she didn't chase me.
royceH:
Hey, mate. I've rated you pretty highly before. But not here. You come across unsatisfactorily now. Are you really as sexist as your reply suggests?
xinyuren:
I don't feel it's sexist. It's practical. If a girl is chasing me, it's harder to find her motives. I mentioned the rule in relation to the OP's question. Perhaps I'm a little bit of a control freak, but if it's just for a hookup (i don't do those anymore), I prefer to be the one in control of the parameters. I don't like the idea of being in the position of a sheep and someone has me by the balls, figuratively speaking. Especially when I am in the possession of something more valuable to them than just my body (like money, foreign passport, etc.). This rule doesn't just apply to women. I don't do business with anyone who approaches me, especially in China. If I want to do business, I will choose them. I don't accept taxis from drivers who approach me. Are you getting to see a pattern?
royceH:
Yes I am. A privateer. Good luck to you. I've combined privateerism with incompetence for a long time. I hope you do better than me.
Meanwhile, I'm listening to Fleetwood Mac. Cheers!
xinyuren:
I'm not sure I know what you mean by privateer, but I will confess one thing. There is nothing more sexy than a girl who is smart enough to make me believe I was the one chasing her.
coineineagh:
No worries, you're not sexist. I understand your thinking: If someone approaches you for anything, they WANT SOMETHING from you, and you don't know what. It might turn out that what they want is something very bad for you. When you approach a person, YOU want something from them, and you know what it is. It's a sound approach, but not foolproof. People *you* approach may still decide to exploit you, and feel at an advantage because you already want something from them...
Yup, I have once. We dated for three years...
Was a good relationships until the end. I don't like clingy girls... it makes you feel like you have a daughter rather than a woman.
How was the threesome (or was it four, my memory is blurry) with a dildo, was it great ?
I met my wife on Internet. We chatted on Internet a bit, I didn't think much about it, but it was always nice to talk with her. She had a spark of life and personality. One day, she sent me a postcard, it was cute and touching. I promised to visit her, but I kept delaying it, too much work. Spring Festival came, I got time, so I visited her. We spend a day walking, talking. We felt good together, we felt like we were a couple already. Now we are married and happy.
royceH:
Thanks Dr. I appreciate your candor. I also first made contact with my wife through the computer, but not as per usual. It wasn't a dating site. When I met her I wanted to meet her again. And after that we met again. It didn't take me long to realise that she was the girl for me. I've been around a bit. I'm 54. Love is grand. Zhen da!
DrMonkey:
He he, yes, it sounds quite candid... The time I met my wife, I was willing to commit and settle down, that was good timing. Before, it was far more complex ^^
I reckon there's a good chance you'll wake up hog-tied with a cucumber in you ass and all you valuable missing.
xinyuren:
Exactly! This is why I'm the only one that does the hunting.
I met my wife through someone I had met on a dating site.
The girl I was speaking to was never relationship material but we became friends, then she introduced me to her friend and a year later we were married.
xinyuren:
your story is very similar to mine. I met up with a girl on qq, but she kept yabbering on about money. She later introduced me to my wife. She regretted that later and became bitter about it.
