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Q: Face culture and Chinese men's insecurity to Foreigners
You might have noticed this when walking around, more than stares of curiosity, Chinese men checking you out from head to toes. They are probably not gay, they are however very insecure about themselves and are trying to find your flaws in order to boost their own egos.
It has to be one of the most annoying part when living in China as a Foreign guy, the constant passive aggressive competitive behavior from the local men when you are just minding your own business. Some will literally stand near or follow you, observe you, just waiting and hoping for any tiny fault on your part so they can take personal confidence from it, "look at the stoopid laowai".
I was at the cashier of my local supermarket this morning and this guy was in front of me, after his turn when mine came, he just stood there listening to what I was saying, of course he didn't miss it, after I had a chit chat with the cashier he claimed to "tingbudong" my mandarin in order to gain face and put me down (as if I was even talking to him, can't mind your own business?), too bad for him the (female) cashier told him that my zhongwenz is excellent and maybe he is the one who should study more, he got angry and walked away, OUCH! massive loss of face for the dude.
Insecure boys being annoying.
They have been told for years how great they are
So coming face to face with reality is a big learning curve
silverbutton1:
*SMACK* "Darn, what did I hit ?!" ...Thats called reality hitting you square in the FACE. Exellent post philbrav, btw.
The funniset such incident that I can remember was in Inner Mongolia. I went to a business lunch with several local leaders. The chief of the traffic police was at the meal and he suggested to me that I spent some time at his police station before returning home.
He told one of his officers to take me out in a police car. The officer couldn't put the car into reverse to get out of the parking space. he tried, tried and tried again progressively getting more angry. I just sat back for a minute or two trying my best not to burst out laughing.
Anyway, I had to put him out of his misery so I leaned over and put it into reverse for him while he controlled the clutch.
You could see the major loss of face in his expression.
Mind you, by this stage I was more bothered about my own personal safety and whether it would be more prudent for me to drive.
philbravery:
One of my brother in laws is a cop and has failed the driving test no less than 8 times
Kaiwen:
I bet he's not employed within the traffic division though.
I love when I'm walking at my usual brisk pace and people try to out walk me . I'm 51 and I'm still faster than people in their 20's here . Makes me laugh every time .
RandomGuy:
At the gym there are always dudes who come on the treadmill next to me and put it at 1km faster to show off, they give up after 5 minutes all sweaty and out of breath, hilarious.
nzteacher80:
The exact same thing has happened to me at least 6 times.
They have been told for years how great they are
So coming face to face with reality is a big learning curve
silverbutton1:
*SMACK* "Darn, what did I hit ?!" ...Thats called reality hitting you square in the FACE. Exellent post philbrav, btw.
hmmmmm,,,, I always figured they were gay,,,, or at least a bit. they claim it was a regular part of Chinese society until maybe mao time or so...
most of the time I ignore because that is all they mean to me/interest me (none), but when I'm in a bad mood I'll look back at them and point to my richard and say things like 'ni xiang yao zhe ge ma?' , lol... cracks me up.
"Insecure boys being annoying."
To be fair, insecure girls are equally, if not more, annoying.
Given the moral-less PRC cult, insecure girls are not only annoying but extremely dangerous. Take for example, they would not even blink prying into their bf/spouse/friends' email/bank account/whatever to "protect themselves". This is also one reason behind the abusive and intrusive questions on your privacy. Granted some are truly morons who never received much of an education, but today the majority do that on purpose, as part of an attack to see how you react, this war-mongering attitude is pretty prevalent among both sexes in PRC.
In fact, my guess is that you find more insecure control freaks among girls than guys, be it in PRC or other parts of the world, it is just that with the absolute ruthless and moral-less cult around here that the effects are exponentially more serious.
Historically, from the date PRC was establised (Oct 1, 1949) all the way to the mid 1980s, practically the entire population lived in dire poverty. If they had remained in seclusion to the outside world like certain tribes in the amazon forest that's fine (maybe they should), the thing was, there were tourists (even before the opening up of the business world) from around the world. To the locals (emphasis, both sexes), foreigners were like ETs or Gods. "Look they have shoes to wear!"
The inferiority index was skyhigh. Today, many are like beggars with a twisted psyche who "made it", most of us never laughed at them for being poor but THEY felt humiliated just the same, thinking the 21 century is their era of revenge. Japan ISN'T the only target either......
Even when their GDP per capita is still at the level of Peru, the air-conditioned shopping malls, Mercedes, man in space....give many beggars a false sense of 'I am a wealthy guy'. So while many are still wagging their tails for export money and spreading their legs to foreigners for a foreign passport, many now dare shout a few loud "harross" to the "ETs and Gods".
So, to be fair, we shouldn't let the insecure ones among women off the hook and single the guys out because women can be used for "free sex" and we are taking advantage of that foreign passport in our pockets. Those who do that are the biased slaves of the nasty male ego.
yongge:
I agree with you and gave you a thumbs up.
Furthermore, those that think they have made it, and for this they have to show off their kitschy possessions, consider themselves the new gods, which entitles them to treat anyone else like shit. Respect is not earned, but bought, and loyalty goes out of the window the moment no face can be gained from a relationship.
earthizen:
Wow, couldn't have said it better myself.
The new local 'gods' are 100 times worse than foreign 'gods' (I can't say ALL foreigners are beyond reproach, there probably are a few rotten apples among the basket, but I have never seen anyone on this forum laughing at the locals for their poverty, condemning dishonesty, gutter oil, selfishness....sure but that is entirely a different realm).
The ways these local new 'gods' treat the have-nots are hair-raising. Many of the fu-er-dai (fu**-er-dai is more accurate) who (emphasis, both sexes) are born and brought up like little princes/princess, the ways they spit on the poor, trash and humiliate them can be written into a book. They are 1000X worse than the worst 'foreign gods'. Their parents aren't any better either but they are a quantum 'leap', the leap into the abyss.
RandomGuy:
I have yet to be HALUO'd by a girl here, they usually stare at me without saying anything. Also I would like to add that "traditional" girl in China means a premium hooker who will only open her legs to you after you bought her a house and a car, marriage for money or other personal gains is no better than prostitution.
earthizen:
Haha, that came across my mind but slipped away as I was writing the original comment. It is no secret that people who are good looking, both sexes included, have certain advantages. It is NOT your fault for leaving the scumbags among women out because as you say (and I have no problem believing that) it is true you have been treated nicely by most of the girls here. I am also fairly certain this is the same in other countries. Your manners and aptitude match your looks (i.e. inside and outside), that is what matters. Your fluency in Mandarin elevates you even higher (although unfortunately it also means you understand perfectly the venoms they (the guys) spit at you, a double-edged sword here).
Given the widespread jealousy among locals (emphasis, both sexes included), it is perfectly logical you are target of hatred and abuse. You are being forced to retaliate and protect yourself among scumbags, sadly. Your girlfriend is probably a target of local scumbag prc girls when being seen with you, same kind of jealousy. Anyway, I am quite certain you know china is NOT a long term habitat for both of you. If I were you, I would milk the cash cow and be on constant alert for new ideas and greenier pastures elsewhere. Neither you nor her deserve shits like these.
