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Posts: 9192

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Q: Face, what will I have to change to keep it?

I'm trying to understand face, defined:is something that is emotionally invested, and that can be lost, maintained, or enhanced, and must be constantly attended to in interaction. In general, people cooperate (and assume each other's cooperation).
This doesn't sound what I think of as face. I'm going to have to change some of how I conduct myself in order to get along. I now do whatever I want and don't really care what anyone thinks. I speak my mind, I'm pretty open about things, I joke, love to tease.
  How or what must I change or have you to keep your face?

12 years 7 weeks ago in  Culture - China

 
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Posts: 1932

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1) Half the people will have already made up their minds that foreigners will never have face. There is no changing these people.

2) Face is built gradually, over time. When you start somewhere new (whether you're Chinese or foreign), you wont have face unless you have pre-established connections. Don't show your anger and try to be unassuming and casual, but really social.

My wife's best advice for gaining face is to take colleagues out to dinner once in a while, and to always buy snack food and share it around the office.

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12 years 7 weeks ago
 
Posts: 458

Shifu

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I've decided to pay no attention to 'face,' it's a cultural thing I won't be adopting. As I'm here for a year, I really don't see the point in playing the game, if I was staying long-term I might think about it more.

When it comes to buying snacks and taking people out to eat, that's not a problem. It's the kind of thing I'd do back home anyway, more for special occasions though if I'm paying for a full evening thing. Otherwise we'd go Dutch. Food buying seems much more important in China than going for a beer after work. Truly, the after work pint is something I miss hugely -- in my home country it's considered normal to say that you don't know someone until you've been disgustingly drunk together.

Forget face though, I'm a foreigner and don't think I'd ever quite understand it anyway.

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12 years 7 weeks ago
 
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The after work pint!!!!!!
I remember it well. That's another thread I guess.
I could cry now. lol

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12 years 7 weeks ago
 
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Be friendly, be social. If you're a likeable person, it won't matter as much.

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12 years 7 weeks ago
 
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trust me, the coolest people here will gravitate towards you becoz you dont care about that face crap. the smarttest people here are looking for an escape from that Bs.i watch my students hug each other, always hanging out together. but they say i dont have 1 true friend. they cant confide in their classmates. they cant be themselves around them. they must conform or become an outsider. they will love spending time with you becoz they could do as they please.

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12 years 7 weeks ago
 
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Sorry. Just be who you are. No matter what you do, you will never "fit in," mainly because you will never be completely accepted by the society at large.Treat your extended family like family, and your friends like friends, and those who are intelligent enough to recongnize honest behavior will be interested in knowing you better. 

Anything else is playing games with relationships. Everyone knows it's just for show, so when they are faced with someone who is real, it will shock and surprise, which has to account for something.

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12 years 7 weeks ago
 
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Ditch the blue eye shadow and pile on the red lipstick.

TedDBayer:

dam just bought a new blue and you know I look good in red lips

12 years 7 weeks ago
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12 years 7 weeks ago
 
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