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Posts: 22

Governor

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Q: Getting engaged - how long before people get married after that?

In general here, once couples get engaged, how long before they get married, and what are the expectations that come along with this?

 

I'm asking because I love my gf and I feel that us getting engaged would both be cement our relationship further, and would also make things easier on her and her family (showing that things are serious and that the horny laowai isn't going to run off).

 

Sometimes talking about her family with her can be delicate, which is why I'm asking this here. Does getting engaged mean exactly the same thing for Chinese and Chinese families as it does for us?

 

It's just that with the both of us getting our careers underway, marriage isn't the top priority right now, so I don't want the parents hollering a year after we got engaged to get married.

11 years 42 weeks ago in  Culture - China

 
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Posts: 9192

Emperor

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I think you should wait long enough for her to fill in the visa application. to get married.

Trust me, takes longer than you think.

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11 years 42 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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You don't want the parents hollering?? You are in China!!! A year after the engagement they will be chasing you with swords if you don't marry her. 

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11 years 42 weeks ago
 
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Actually, if you are engaged for more than a year, that will actually be worse because they will think, the "horny laowai (as you put it) is trying to dupe us".

 

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11 years 42 weeks ago
 
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Normally, during the engagement ceremony, an auspicious date will (or should) be selected for the wedding, and agreed to by both parties.  

 

It is my feeling that the engagement in China means more than it does to Western minds.  It is more like a binding contract, even though there will be nothing in writing.  Harder to break off, gifts must be returned if broken, etc.  After all, after the engagement ceremony you two can live together as a married couple for all practical purposes.

 

I do feel I have mentioned before.  My GF's brother became engaged about six months ago, and his auspicious wedding date came up as June of 2016.  And they will not get married until then, but do live together now.

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11 years 42 weeks ago
 
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