By continuing you agree to eChinacities's Privacy Policy .
Sign up with Google
Sign up with Facebook
Q: Head over heels for my Chinese guy - how to make him culturally more aware about compromising?
There is something about (some) Chinese men that fascinates me more than any westerner can give me.
I have dated Chinese men before, but this one is the one I want to marry. Yet it is so hard trying to convince him of my valid points but so easy for him to think I should follow everything he says...
It seems the cultural difference is immense, can this be overcome?
Is it me or him?
What do I as a western woman need to know to win his heart over completely?
11 years 2 weeks ago in Relationships - China
You may be fighting a losing battle. In my experience, the vast majority of Chinese people that I know do not have the slightest notion of "compromise". There are a few, a very few, but most of them will either not pay attention or brush off your concerns with "this is China" or "That is just how we do things".
I honestly DO hope that your partner is among the exceptions.
Good luck!
LiangMingZhu:
Thanks for your answer. Very helpful as I am coming to this realization too. It clearly proves to me that this is how China is run. "Our way or the highway." Not very global thinking! What a pity because everything else was so lovely but I can't cut down on myself anymore. I have given up too much already. It's time I take back myself and enjoy more compatible relationships. hahahaha
Good luck!!!!! You're going to need it!!!!!! It's him. :( Do not blame yourself or let anyone else blame you!
Your best chance is to take him out of his environment. This is Chinese culture and as long as you are in China, you don't have a chance to sway him. He has no positive examples to follow and he has the influence of society and his peers (not to mention his mother). If this is an important matter to you (and it should be), I would think very carefully about this before you commit yourself. What you see now is what you're going to get.
LiangMingZhu:
Yea you brought up a vital fact, his mother! hahaha. We get along very well, she even calls me her daughter and loves me as her own. But unless his parents are dead and he loses his job in the government (which will never happen) he will never leave China. It's clear now that most Chinese men are not about risks or long-term adventures, more so want a girl who cooks and cleans and waits for him to come home. And the fact that I earn about 5 times the amount of cash doesn't help. I guess this really is a losing battle, one I should get out before it's too late. Thanks
What is it with women?
You find the man for you then immediately try and work out how to change him. He either is for you in which case accept him flaws and all, or he isn't.
LiangMingZhu:
not change, just compromise. "if you want to do that, it's ok but then you gotta do this for me..."
it's just adapting and committing to a relationship rather than living the single life. i love my single life. lived it up like a man, so it's hard for me too. but c'mon what do you want?LAR:
"What is.....................................he isn't." What an ASSININE and RIDICULOUS POSTING! :(
Hugh.G.Rection:
LAR you'd know all about assinine, of course you also know a lot about being racist.
I feel sorry for western women in love with Chinese guys. While Chinese girls can look forward to a live of spontaneity and adventure following a foreign guy (usually), Western women must get used to a sedate, mundane existence in a Chinese household (usually). Most Chinese men are ruled by their families and family matters dictate their decisions. And when I say family, I mean parents. When i say parents, I mean HIS parents. When I say his parents, I mean his mother.
You cannot change the fact that you are second to his mother. If you want to change that, change the boyfriend.
And just where is it you are from?
crimochina:
this is clearly some chinese guy trying prop up chinese men. there is no logical reasoning to this post
nevermind:
Yeah, the posuers always lay it on real thick and use strange sentences.
you are a chinese guy. you are anything but a woman. your writing says man all over it. your miss use of some terms says chinese.
This might be too late to warn you that this question will be invaded by insecure Western males who got an ego boost since they arrived in China and who will only make negative and cynical comments about Chinese guys dating Western girls. They will then be backed up by their Black token friends.
nevermind:
I love the hypocrisy in this reply. Do I have an issue with Chinese guys dating western girls? Hell no. Why would I?
Do I have a problem with someone..say YOU... posing as western women on a website? Yes. Pretty sad, dude. You need a life. As far as I'm concerned I only WISH more western women liked Chinese men, then maybe Chinese men would stop doing shit like this and freaking out about Chinese girls dating westerners and calling the girls that do "whores" and such.
RoastBeef:
@nevermind
You replied to the wrong person. I am definitely a man and not a woman, and I am not Chinese. I think you are distracted, technically impaired, or you are probably trying to come up with wild guesses and suppositions.
crimochina:
i think we've found loke. it is funny. the op is complaining her experience dating a chinese man. sth that is a very big problem with chinese men in general. but yet you are attacking fthe answerers. no logical connection or reasoning.
fact: most chinese men view women as property or "disabled", to be controlled and told what to do. which is why they hide in the next room while their wife is being raped. instead of grabbing a knife and fending off the attackers before they even get to your wife. (i just realized sth, he was given 1 year in jail for showing up chinese men) then when the cameras were on him, he was crying like a baby (why are you crying your wife was raped while you decided to hide!. oh wait , he needs to buy a new wife now) 2 new accounts propping up the same failed idea. why don't you back your 3 inch mentality away from the computer. go outside, and learn how to be a real chinese man.
I am sorry to tell you that It seems your guy seems a bit selfish,In your case ,it's not really a cultural thing to me ,actually,more like a personal thing as he's well educated ,as you said,his mum treats you like her daughter,suppose it's a cultural thing,He won't find a western gf as we all know that most Chinese guys prefer Chinese women and his mum won't treat you like her daughter too,Probably you will have a hard time to deal with her. a healthy relationship especially you two are not from the same country which means you guys have different cultures,How to make a smooth relationship ? It's all about COMPROMISE .you did some changes for him which's great,but he did not,ask yourself,Can you accept it ? If no,You guys need a serious talk and tell him your idea,If he's not able to make a compromise ,You really need to think about your relationship.
Good luck.
I am a Chinese woman BTW.
I agree with Maggie above. Unfortunately you have to try and take a step back and ask practical questions. Any mature adult will be able to have a conversation on this question. I hope things work out to your satisfaction
