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Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: Henan woman. Meeting her parents to confirm the engagement?
This is a question by proxy.
I have a British mate in GZ, who is heading up to Zhengzhou in Henan to meet his girlfriends parents.
Now this guy is not daft. He is GM of a western factory, that he set up, and he knows the score with Chinese women. He likes this woman and want's to marry her. They have been together for a few years, and they do make a good couple.
But since he agreed to go to Henan to meet her parents this weekend, he has had all sort of demands placed upon him by his GF, and he needs some clarification on a few things. I know we could bing it, but first hand experience gives a better answer.
Q1: What is the minimum deposit to get a mortgage from a bank in Henan?
Q2: What is the average price of a 100 sqm apartment in Zhengzhou. I estimated 250K, but his girlfriend is showing us photos of villas that she says costs 500k. ( Actually, my phone blocks all Henan real estate agents for some reason)
Q3: what is the average Bride Price for a Henan woman.
Q4: Any scams from uncles etc he should look out for?
As I say. This guy know the score. he is not daft.
But any info he can go armed with will be very much appreciated.
Edited to clarify Henan Provence, not Hunan.
8 years 20 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Q4... aren't Qs 1 through 3 all scams ?
His GFs parents should accept that he has a different culture. E.g. if you come visit me in my home land, I don't force some fucked up picked fish on you if you don't want it. I might offer it, and make you aware of it being part of what we eat, but I would never expect you to eat it. As a guest in my home(country) you are free to be yourself. If you want to come here and pay for women by all means, although the good people at the tax department will f you over good for doing it.
Lord_hanson:
Lol Scand, you've been in China long enough to know that's not gonna happen. Especially in Henan.
Why buy an apartment in Henan if he lives and works in GZ.? He should find out all he can about the property market in that part of the country, so he understands the risks.
There should be some give and take in terms of traditions. Why does it have to be the Chinese way only?
I understand the future in-laws want security for their daughter, but why can't he provide that by purchasing a nice place to live in GZ?
it may not be a scam, but they sound like they want to be in control financially.
ScotsAlan:
We talked about that. To me it makes more sense to buy in GZ, but he accepts that she wants security in her home town.
I suggested he pays to add a floor to her parents exxisting house. Should not cost more than about 80k RMB. But she wants to be in the city.
Hotwater:
But she's already in a city...GZ! Why buy a place in zhengzhou, that will stay empty?
DaphneNJ:
Wait, so he's planning on going into debt to purchase what will be an investment property in CHINA...in Henan?
Oh no.
The large villa will be needed because he will have 2 extra people moving in with him when he buys the villa. He should set some ground rules now. Things he won't find acceptable. If she really loves him then she will hear him out. It can't all be one sided. When they have kids does he want the grandparents to raise the children because WHEN they move in that is what they will do. "Honey we have so much room in our house, I worry about my parents, they are all alone with no one to care for them now they are getting old."
ScotsAlan:
I edited my question to confirm it is Henan where she is from, and that is where she wants to buy a house.
Englteachted:
The house will not be in his name and he will not be living there.
As a foreigner he can't get a mortgage in his own name. The loan will have to be in joint names or in his girlfriends names.
Minimum deposit was reduced recently from 30% to 20% of the price of the property.
Prices in Zhengzhou? Try www.mytophome.com but you'll need to use a translator site like Bing to read it.
Scams to watch out for? Don't have the house/apartment just in his girlfriends name!
You say he's not daft? Then why is he prepared to give in to his girlfriends sudden demands? Why buy a house in Henan when they live in GZ? Why pay a bloody bride price? Surely his in-laws should be happy that he'll buy an apartment for him and his wife-to-be to live.
Not enough info about the Chinese family. where are they on the socio-economic ladder ? What kind of free and clear fully owned assets to they have (do they even have any wealth ?). Is she a high income earner, or some farm girl from the stix. etc.
What Silver said, plus are they expecting to have kids?
And are they expecting to continue living in China? If so, where?
If not in China, are the parents thinking of escaping here as well? Or any other relatives??
What other relatives does she have? You mention uncles, but are there other BILs or other extended that need to be watched out for?
Cars??
Q3: what is the average Bride Price for a Henan woman.
.................. Really ??
Wait till the the GF sees this question.
making demands instead of helping out?hummmm seen this story too many times ....marrying someone in this conditons, without any trust what so ever...wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy
This is probably one of the differences between mainland china and developed countries.
In developed countries, if you fall in love with a hooker who is working in a brothel, or under some crime syndicate, I believe you don't have to pay the pimp or syndicate she works for a handsome lump sum to bail her out.
In mainland china, for thousands of years, if you fall in love with a hooker you have to do that. You negotiate with the owner of the brothel, usually a woman, known as the 'chicken mother' who has seen millions of guys and usually can tell how much you are worth in split seconds. The amount of bail also depends on the demand for that hooker. The more in demand she is the higher the price, a compensation for the loss of future business as well as the meals, shelter, education (yeah....), the brothel invested on her. Cost of sales.
This is no big secret in mainland china, every mainlander knows this. To many locals this makes perfect sense.
earthizen:
Probably the same for Vietnam, Indonesia....and other developing countries. Mail order Vietnamese brides are actually quite 'famous'.
silverbutton1:
it can depend in western countires too. some hookers in both east and west have debt that needs to be paid off. i had heard many a story where the family is going to lose the family home, so the daughter(s) go "to work" and the brothel pays off the debt. but the debt has to be worked off.
WHAT!!! The woman should be submitting to the man's demands not the other way round! He is a successful business man, I bet he could get a wife very easily. If he wanted to pay for a woman he would find a hooker! Her greedy parents will ruin their relationship then suffer in poverty as a punishment for their sin.
earthizen:
Now you are talking my friend. This is where the trick lies. If you are a hooker dying to get the hell out of the brothel you are in, how do you get a few among your VIP customers to fall in love with you, and get them bidding like mad? This, is the time you reveal your 'real chinese kung fu, female style', hahaha.
Did you ever notice the word FALL in love? Now that is some FALL...hahaha.
I always wonder why they don't say RISE in love which is far more meaningful, to me at least!
Hearing stories like this sickens me.... If he loves her, good for him but he had better make it clear where to draw the line with her peasant relatives. A house in Zhengzhou? As others have said that doesn't make any sense. Hell he's probably a lot more in demand than she is, being a successful foreigner from a developed country. Why don't the peasant relatives acknowledge his worth and kiss his ass or give him a nice fat hong bao for taking care of their little princess? If I were your friend I'd run for the hills.
miguel82:
and her demands now are just a sample...the real nightmare will begin after they are married and locked up in the situation
DaphneNJ:
Exactly. If he's a GM and presumably on an expat salary, he is by far the best "deal" the parents will see. What greed!
How old is the fiancée? Over 25? Tick tock tick tock tick tock.
They sound like brain dead peasants, and the last people he should be listening to when it comes to mortgages, investments, etc.
"Henan woman. Meeting her parents to confirm the engagement?"
Why not? Engagement with wealth (financial) and laowailand is a form of engagement, isn't it?
sure hope these opinons get shared with your GM, not DAFT, sort of buddy Scots...no brainer to me... my way or the highway.
Hotwater:
A certain song popped into my head then Brian.....could it be the final curtain?
The woman should be careful, now that she has been with a foreign guy most Chinese men won't touch her with a barge pole. She is already a lot less marketable now. If he dumps her the chances of her finding another successful business owner who will take your friends sloppy seconds is slim.
Hotwater:
Harsh but true with guys here. Phrase I heard was "secondhand shoe". Horrible phrase...
Scandinavian:
I think the real problem for Chinese men is that only a few of them have a decent barge pole. Most have blown their barge pole budget on LEDs for the eScooters
Your friend sounds like many guys I've come across. They spend their youth making money and don't spend time in real relationship with women. They become lonely then fall hard for the first woman that opens up for them and they pay through the nose .
Find a good woman from a good family. A good family will ask nothing from you other than that you be a good husband to their daughter.
I'm not going to say your friend is dumb but he is clearly inexperienced with women and lonely.
Have you talked to your friend about everyones opinions guy?
oh wait ! Zhengzhou. You said ZHENGZHOU ! OK here's the deal. Chinese from Zhengzhou are not trustworthy AT ALL. I have been told this by many sources, including Chinese co-workers. BUYER BEWARE !!!!
RandallFlagg:
I've lived in ZZ the last few years, you mean people in other parts of China actually behave like decent human beings? My travels to the coastal cities haven't shown me much evidence of that but i would be glad to be wrong.
HeNan is a poorest province in China.
Tell you friend to run as fast as he can
Seems the tribe has spoken on this one, Scotty. Will you share this thread with him at all?
My feeling is that it's none of the family's business in any way. They can like it or lump it. He's marrying the girl, not the family.
ScotsAlan:
I sent him the link on wechat after I posted the question. Do you have wechat yet Royce?
royceH:
I don't. Seems I'm quite content to bumble along with nothing other than a 1964 Nokia and a sometimes functional laptop. I guess when the day comes that I start feeling left out I'll get hip. Or more likely my wife will come home one day and just hand me the new computer phone and throw my little piece of ancient history to the schizenhouzen.
At this stage I'm still happy with email.
A quick update.
My mate saw this thread so decided to postpone his trip to Henan.
Thanks for all the answers.
I'm not saying you swayed him.. But your answers persuaded him to do a bit more thinking
Englteachted:
He needs to take a break from her and get to know many different types of women in China. Not just girls that meet him at bars or clubs or runs up to him on the street.
silverbutton1:
Good for him! Although "due diligence" is applied in corporate and legal matters, To me it seems he needs to apply it here. Cheers.