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Q: How to deal with Chinese in-laws who want to borrow money?
Is there a polite way of saying no without causing the relationship to go sour?
13 years 48 weeks ago in Family & Kids - China
Yes, say no, or do as my wife does and lie to them about being in debt
..and the in-laws don't mess around with 100 or 200...they asked us for 10,000. They said they wanted to invest it. My wife lied to them but I wanted to tell them to go to hell in a hurry. They got nothing from us and they told other family members and now they say I lost face in the family because they think I made my wife say no.
istri:
Something about 'lost face' here, 'loose face' here bother me almost 'zero'. I just don't adapt mutual standard and meaning of 'loose face' term with people in this country :)
As long as I know what I am doing is fair for everyone, then people can please go nuts with that term.. As long as I don't feel 'loosing face' at all.. :D
It would depend on the amount, who the in law is (close or distant relative), what the money is needed for, and few other coinsiderations. It is very much normal for Chinese families to ask for, or to give loans to other family members, and they are consider debts of honor in a way. I had a brother in law who drives a taxi in Guangdong Province and had an accident, and could not drive or work until he paid 4,500 Rmb in damages to the othyer car. I did agree reluctanly to loan him the money, and it was paid back in three successive months at 1500 per month. So, he got credit with me now, and I gained "face" (or points) with the family in their acceptance of me. But I have also said no a few other times too, but gave a reason for not doing it.
I guess it will also depend of what your future plans are. If you are committed to stay in China "forever", and if your GF or wife's family has accepted you, then you will have to sort of swim beteen two currents. You can not become the bank that gives money to everyone, but also can not refuse all requests. Just remember, one day you will be old and will need help too. You have to plant seeds to get a crop later.
I think that money will find it's way back round to you eventually, in one way or another.
It doesn't seem likely that they just want to take and not ever give something back. That's not very Chinesey.
dharma, you're kidding right, Chinese give back really, and when they do, it takes forever and you get a smaller percentage of what they asked for.
i never loan money its better to just give it to them because of to much friction if they dont pay it back on time
i never loan out my car my wifes cousin always calls to borrow my i car and i tell my wife no in the us i dont even let my kids borrow my car the car is my toy to play with and i dont like people asking me to borrow it so no you cannot borrow my car today 2 days from now or ever you can beat me you can kick me but you cannot borrow my car or golf clubs
