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Q: How do I get this crazy Ch. chick to stop calling me?
This is an interpersonal/intercultural question.
I met this girl one month before at an English Corner, innocently went "out" with her, and met some of the other western men she chases after, I had no intentions other than wanting a local girl to practice English with. After a few times of this, we met at an evening coffee shop and she invited a bunch of her other friends to come (free English lessons), I sat there waiting for two hours for them to come, then got annoyed and said I was going home.
Then she went ultra-crazy and started yelling at me on the street. "YOU CAN NOT GO HOME. YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND CHINESE CULTURE. IN CHINA YOU CANNOT THINK YOURSELF ONLY, YOU MUST TAKE OTHERS' FEELINGS INTO CONSIDERATION. THE OTHERS ARE COMING, YOU MUST WAIT." Blah blah blah for around thirty minutes, right on the street. I gave into the BS move (keep in mind that I knew I was totally getting used at this point), waited around for her friends to come, but now I must find a way to refuse her calls and additional invitations, which (despite my insistence that I'm busy) are coming about once a day.
So my question: how do you tactfully tell some Ch. person "I don't want to meet you again" without them "Losing Face" and going berserk? I've tried indirect communication (I'm busy, maybe I'll be free next week, etc.)like would work with most western peoples, but the message doesn't seem to be getting across.
Just ignore her. Dont even read her messages. Delete them unread. Do not answer her calls and most importantly, DO NOT GIVE YOUR MOBILE PHONE NUMBER TO STRANGERS!!!!
Also, it would be a good idea to stay away from that particular English corner....
sam239:
OK, my Chinese friend gave me the same advice, just ignore. And yeah I realized that the particular English Corner just attracts a bunch of girls trying to latch onto foreign guys. My intentions were 100% pure, to try to understand Ch. by meeting people who can speak English. Oh well!
GuilinRaf:
Actually, the reason why I advise to stay away from that particular English corner is because SHE will probably be there.
Tell her that your family insisted that you must get married right away...but you're gay. Tell her she must agree to have your baby ASAP. She does not understand western culture. In the west, you cannot think of yourself only, you must take others' feelings into consideration...etc. Or, ask to borrow 25000 RMB. (I have expanded this theme) Tell her you owe some gangsters 75000 RMB and you already told them that she is your "best friend" and will loan you the money. Ask for her address and parents' address.
When do Chinese consider others? And women are more self centered than men (sorry girls) If you don't want to talk to her, then don't answer the phone, or block her call on the phone. Eventually she will quit calling. You can change your phone number. You seem that you want to avoid conflict. You do not need to explain to someone that you don't want to see them, its not like you owe this girl anything. If you want a reason, then tell her that your mother won't let you go.
You really don't know how to refuse someone? How old are you?
sam239:
OK maybe I'm reading too much into this...but I did it before (said I'm going home) and got a big lecture. I'm close to 30 and have high IQ but probably low EQ. The normal approach I would use in the west for some pestering person has not worked so far. Maybe this is not a "cultural issue" and I'm reading too much into this.
it probably is not a good idea to give your phone number to random people. I usually say i can't remember my phone number (this is actually true) and ask them to write theirs down for me. Then i have the choice to call or not (usually not)
Do you use a smartphone? Download an app and add her number to the blacklist.
From what you described, the girl seems very impolite and not caring about others' feelings.
Just ignore her. Dont even read her messages. Delete them unread. Do not answer her calls and most importantly, DO NOT GIVE YOUR MOBILE PHONE NUMBER TO STRANGERS!!!!
Also, it would be a good idea to stay away from that particular English corner....
sam239:
OK, my Chinese friend gave me the same advice, just ignore. And yeah I realized that the particular English Corner just attracts a bunch of girls trying to latch onto foreign guys. My intentions were 100% pure, to try to understand Ch. by meeting people who can speak English. Oh well!
GuilinRaf:
Actually, the reason why I advise to stay away from that particular English corner is because SHE will probably be there.
could also add to Guilin's comment, don't agree to go out with someone so quickly. Give it time!
Number 1 solution: Have two phones. Your old one and your new one. The new one is for official purposes and the old one for the less desirable, or for when you don't feel like answering the phone.
Another solution, one that I have used- albeit rarely, is to not even answer the phone . Let it ring and ring until the other person gets tired of calling.
I made the mistake once of giving my phone number to a stranger who wanted an english friend..... I was annoyed by them and got made fun of by all my co-teachers, just like we will do to you on this forum. And hopefully you will do what I did and just ignore her....and dont answer any phone calls you dont recognize for a while.
And if you do have a face to face encounter, just say you have to go and walk off. Trying to be nice is only making it drag out
Wait I'm confused... You were trying to improve your English by hanging out with a Chinese lady and her Chinese friends?
I'm not judging, just wondering how that would work...
sam239:
No, I am a NES, I wanted to meet some friendly local people so I went to the English corner. I think I'm just going to ignore like you say. Oh well, a good story anyways, that's half the reason I shared it, plus to get advice. Thank You And Good Luck
What you can do is first you sneak into a dark room, next you hide your favorite article of clothing, finally you give her a call and in the end you keep the line busy but you become silent...you don't say anything not even a peep. You do this until she calls you probably the next morning, and when she does you sing the following song: "We are the world"!! 
sam239:
Yeah, but I definitely don't want to give her the impression that I WANT to talk with her by CALLING her. So I need to have a plan in place for when she calls again. Suggestions?
Don't answer her calls, don't call her back. She'll get it eventually. If you run into her, be as cold as possible.
In the future, don't go on dates with girls you don't like.
ask her in a real dead-pan manner if she's into anal.
crimochina:
any girl i want to get rid of, i tell them i only want sex. i only want to meet her at my apartment alone. case solved. this puck's a loser
how old are you 6? why would you wait around while she is yelling at you? walk to a bus stop, hail a taxi. get the puck out, ignore her calls.
attention all expats until you have reached a certain level of maturity stay out of china.
sam239:
You're welcome to your opinion...but saying I'm a "loser" with no "maturity" and no social skills doesn't add anything to the thread.
crimochina:
yes it does. it explains why you can't deal with a simple problem on your own. it's a no brainer
sam239:
I already explained that I'd know how to deal with this in my own country, that there's something not getting across, etc. Your post did not add anything to the discussion and it's incredibly immature to come onto online forms where people seek help and instead make fun of them. Jerk!
crimochina:
what would you do in your own country? spell it out in detail
crimochina:
you are a nes but you think "read between the lines" answers "spell it out in detail?" is anyone else picking up on this?
Tell her your family are really poor. Add that you used to be homeless and had to, on occasion, raid bins for food.
If that doesn't work I would second diverdude.
Just Ignore her ,Don't answer her calls and read any of her text messages,I am sure she will be gone after a while. WHAT'S MORE,DON'T GIVE YOU PHONE NUMBER TO STRANGERS.
English corner girls just want to practice English with you,they won't give your mouth a rest but keep talking to them .In my view ,It's absolutely not a good place to meet nice local girls.
I'd say,Library is a good place to meet nice people.
Good luck.
I am a Chinese woman btw.
there is also block function on your cell phone? use it
Ignore, ignore, ignore. She'll get the hint, as I'm sure she's gotten the hint before from others....
Yes, I agree with crimochina. What would you do in your own country ?
sam239:
I might say something directly. I don't think that would work here, hence why I made the OP. That, and the fact that ignore, doesn't seem to be working.
crimochina:
he does not know. he has no clue that china is not so different from foreign countries.
(ask yourselves who is taught that chinese are too different from foreign culture)
"You do not understand Chinese culture. You must take others' feelings into consideration". 
Forget the rest of your post, did a Chinese person really say that? It perfectly sums up China in a couple of sentences. I suggest that the majority of 1.3 billion Chinese don't understad Chinese culture then.
crimochina:
i do not think that quote or this post is true, this seems to be some kind of poser.
sam239:
Yeah, yelling it at me on the street, in front of passersby. Completely unexpectedly too, after sitting calmly in a coffee shop for a couple of hours. I don't know where they get this nonsense about "Chinese culture" being too sophisticated to comprehend. The Thais do it too, when I pointed out some irrational things that happened there they simply cover it up with the non-jerk response, "You do not understand the Thai culture". Actually I think we generally understand the Asian cultures better than they do.
crimochina:
"Yeah, yelling it at me on the street, in front of passersby. Completely unexpectedly too,"
this says it all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hehehe i figured you out. you have no clue how this situation would be handled in any foreign country because you go around complimenting the answers given to you such as ignore her. don't answer her calls. according to you you tell her you're busy. so of course she's gonna keep calling because she thinks you are really busy.
you know why so many posters are telling you to ignore her, because that's how it's done everywhere not just in china.
you are either poser, or loser .
sam239:
OK, and actually real-life friends gave me the same advice. Would you rather I not post what makes a half-decent story (judging by the number of responses)?
Name-calling is one of the lowest forms of response. I'm going to report you for abuse because I want to know if ECC finds it acceptable to go around doing this instead of CONTRIBUTING something POSITIVE. What a novel idea, contributing something positive.
crimochina:
describing the motives/ actions of a poster or describing a poster is not name calling.
but i can concede the name calling is my bad.
but if i posted.
"I met a chinese girl, she likes me. I like her, what should i do? i know what to do in my own country, but she is chinese so it is different. "
if i posted this question i would deserve to be called stupid. do you get it?
sam239:
No I have no clue what you are saying. But I have a very high IQ and you admitted yourself that you are stupid, so perhaps communication between us is impossible.
crimochina:
yes i am stupid but i know how to handle your situation. and you are asking advice from me, what does that make you ??? high IQ ? seriously and you can't figure out that when sb is throwing a 30min temper tantrum that you should walk away at min 1, and not go back into the cafe with her. ?????????? high iq alright , say no to drugs children
The options you have in your home country can be used in china too..what's so difficult in china to ignore or avoid people we don't like..will they kill us or cancel our visa?
sam239:
I thought if I said to F--- off (in polite terms) it might make the other person start to stalk me, like it would make her to "lose face" and then to react with a vengeance. Like I read about people on here telling off girls and finding that they'd broken into their houses. Like maybe this girl would come to my work to try to find me. I'm going to keep on ignoring (what I've been doing for nearly 3 weeks now, the screaming incident happened three weeks ago) and see when I quit getting messages. I've gotten the answer I was after so thanks.
crimochina:
if she starts stalking have her stalk you into a hotel room, but i guess you would not know what to do next.
gzraj:
Yes, You may be right crimochina. If he don't know he could have raised another question here 
Remember people; a mobile phone is for YOUR convenience. NOT the convenience of others. If you choose not to answer it, that is your choice.
Just don't answer the calls you don't want to.
It's very simple.
Why does anybody answer these questions? Oh. I know. Because it helps us forget our own shortcomings. Good question, Sham 
sam239:
Well I can tell you why I asked. (1) Curiosity about people's responses. (2) I rarely socialize with other expats (too many bad experiences) and prefer to shoot banter on forums like this (3) I like when other people share random stories.
