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Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: How do you deal with annoying strangers asking for your number?
We've all been there at some point. Someone on the street starts chatting you up, you politely engage in conversation and the person wants your number after chatting with you for a whole five minutes. Assuming you never want to see or talk to this person again (which is true for me in 99% of such encounters) how do you deal with it?
So this evening I was waiting outside for someone to finish work and I got approached by a seemingly friendly enough stranger who wanted to ask me some questions about myself. I was initially hesitant and thought about pretending I couldn't understand Chinese but I figured she'd leave me alone after I told her how long I'd been in China, where I'm from etc. etc. Well she just kept going with question after question basically trying to interview me about American culture and differences between Americans and Chinese etc. Every time I thought she'd leave me alone she said she had one more question. I couldn't understand all of what she was saying and she would just repeat it in the exact same words and stare at me like a curious specimen of a child because my Mandarin is not fluent. It got pretty annoying pretty fast. Finally she asked for my number and I sure as hell wasn't gonna give it to her. So I gave her the number of a foreign friend that I wanted to mess with and said I was his name. I'd get a laugh when this weirdo started bothering him. So of course she immediately calls the number and I instinctively shut my phone off and tell her me phone has no power so that's why I didn't get the call. But then my friend picks up her call! She's all like WTF. That was awkward.
So how do you deal with these situations? Just flat out say you won't give them your number? Pretend you don't have a phone on you? Give them a fake number? Ting bu dong them?
I almost never give strangers my number. I used to but never again.
Now I have a (sort of ) system.
I try to be polite and say I don't know my number. If they are pushy they'll ask me to call their number and we can save each other's number.
Then I say I didn't bring my phone with me today. If they happen to notice I have a phone, which has happened before,I say it's my girlfriend's.
If they are still pushing for the number after that I don't have much problem just saying no. Someone here needs to learn to take a hint.
I would never give my phone number to a stranger.
i continue with the following answers if they insist:
it is not culturally acceptable to do so when i first meet someone
I don't know my number
my phone is currently being fixed
It is impolite to keep asking
please stop asking
no
I am leaving now
stop following me
*****
Like Stiggs above, I keep it polite for as long as possible.
while I want to be polite and friendly I hate being 'culturally bullied'
Im just a dick about it. If they are too dumb to not realize asking random people for numbers is akward and rude then they are far too stupid for any subtleties.
I just say i dont want to and walk away.
dongbeiren:
subtlety is really lost on Chinese, I thought this one would get the hint when I said I didn't have Wechat. I think next time I'll just go with "I don't give people my phone number".
mArtiAn:
This is truly the best approach. Like an orgy of midgets, everyone has a little dick inside them. Sometimes you just gotta take it out and show it to people.
RandallFlagg:
That's not being a dick. It's no ruder than what they do.
RachelDiD:
I agree--they don't run around asking random Chinese strangers their number. But we laowai seemingly exist just to teach them English and/or get paraded around for face, free of charge. It's an obnoxious attitude, one that merits a bit of rudeness.
Step 1 - Ignore. Works most of the time.
Step 2 - "I'm in the middle of something." Kinda polite, they usually get it.
Step 3 - "Oh, what are you doing?" *facepalm*
"Observing the air" Anyway, when it gets to this point, chances are it's a full featured pain in the ass already.
Step 4 - "Piss off"
Alternative : "Ok, 100 kuai".
I usually say I don't have a phone, if I happen to be standing with my phone in my hands I tell them it is a paperless fax.
Exchanging contacts among strangers is very common in China , so probably she doesn't want to call you or text you till she needs something from you. I used to give my phone number to strangers till one of them kept calling me at least 8 times a day even if I don't pick up the phone he keeps calling and calling like creepy. I decided after this incident never to give my number till I make sure this person wants to be my friend and has manners. I am friendly and I don't mind answering questions but I still want to know why would they bother to approach a stranger and ask for contact details if they don't want to keep in touch with him/her.
2 cases:
-If the stranger is a hot looking young lady I will give her my number, ask for hers and we will likely have some very good time together if you know what I mean.
-If the stranger is a guy or a not-so-good-looking lady then I will walk away.
As a foreigner in China I must continue the stereotype, 90% of my contact list in my phone contains hot looking ladies' numbers (and among them zero prostitutes because who needs to pay for sex in China?).
laowaigentleman:
My girlfriend is Chinese. I'm paying through the nose for sex
Eorthisio:
Haha, my girlfriend (at least her family) is much richer than I am and usually pays for everything.
royceH:
The real stereotype is foreigners bludging on the locals. That's what you're doing. Pay your own way mate.
I give them an email instead. This way you can look at there messages at your leisure and are can just ignore them if you want.
Simple answer to this dilemma:
1. Happily give them your phone number to shut them up and make them go away
2. Put number in your black list
3. Problem solved
Use the same procedure for wechat stalkers
ilcornalito:
I do this all the time. Same for WeChat. It's easier and saves time.
I usually don't give strangers my phone number. If I have to I would say I'll change my phone number next day so this number will no longer work again, I could have your number instead. But of course I never contact with them.
One thing i've noticed that the number of people trying to talk to me is inversely related to how nice i'm dressed. Like if i'm well groomed wearing a suit, i've never been bothered by anybody that wasn't trying to legitimately network. Like "hey do you work in *insert business sector*?"
But then if it's a weekend i'm wearing shorts haven't shaved in a couple days and my hairs messy I'll get those typical waste of time english practice, number asking approaches.
It's weird cause you'd think it'd be the opposite, that you dress like you're successful and people will want to talk to you. But my experience is if you dress like you're doing something important and people won't bother you, whether it's for being intimidated or just out of respect for someones time. If you look like what they think isn't a serious person it's open season.
You don't owe them anything though. If someone wants to practice english and you're in no mood to talk that's on them for imposing on your time. Same as Jehovahs witnesses coming to your door. They're rude for bothering you, you aren't rude for rejecting them botherments.
Eorthisio:
That's probably because in their eyes a casually dressed foreigner is always an English teacher. Anyway many Chinese still think that every foreigners in China are teachers.
dongbeiren:
That's an interesting observation, I suppose that a foreigner in a suit appears as less of an object for the amusement of the Chinese.... though I'm wondering if a filthy looking hippy would be avoided too. Perhaps someone who looks decently normal enough but not in a hurry/too intimidating is the most approachable target.
expatlife26:
Keep in mind this is strictly based on life in a big city. I've never been to a smaller place dressed up for work so it's possible in a small town it would be even more of a spectacle.
Probably does just have to do with looking approachable. I don't know if they think all expats are teachers, but there is absolutely 100% a kinda teacher-vibe that people give off.
I wonder if they understand the trope of being a hippy. I always figure they just assume that person is really poor, probably makes them angry that person can be here.
As an aside, it's interesting to me how things like getting to be a hippy or a goth or any of the subcultures we have in developed countries, as much as they are a rejection of mainstream materialism, are only possible because of the basic wealth of our societies. You can afford to be a pothead on minimum wage in the west...here not even close.
The opportunity cost of not being mainstream is so huge (absolutely filthy conditions, no respect from anybody) that nobody does it. The only things that kind of person can afford to do here are lame, like playing free online games or I guess blow drying their hair constantly.
dongbeiren:
I wonder whether these anti-establishment phenomena will begin to arise as China grows wealthier. Honestly, I doubt it. While it's true that most Chinese can't slack off because they would starve, I don't see the rich Chinese eschewing materialism any time soon. In New York City (where I was born) there's a new trend of being "downwardly mobile" where rich kids with trust funds choose to slum it out in sketchily trendy areas of the city barely working. They avoid luxuries whiie their trust funds sit idle but will later propel them into middle class life once they get bored of going to raves and pretending to be an artist. I just don't see the Chinese espousing those kinds of values because the culture of conformity/materialism is just too strong. Chinese rich kids seem to either A)use parents' money and connections along with own abilities to get richer or B) use parents' money and connections to live it up and not do shit professionally. But little in the way of rebelliousness.
I don't give my number easily. Practically never. I get out of it by telling them I don't give out my number. When asked why I simply tell the truth. That I'm antisocial and don't want random people calling me.
That said, I'm always happy to engage in conversation for a minute or two. Doing that is no big deal at all. The conversation will rarely last longer than that because the only questions they are capable of asking are "what's your name, do you like chinese food, how old are you, what's your telephone number?".
Answers rarely vary...."what's YOUR name...not particularly as it's swimming in oil and salt and is slowly killing me....27....and no offence but I'm not telling you".
Both parties usually depart happy.
Speak some japenese!! it will help a lot
DrMonkey:
Playing the idiot who think he is in Japan, and persist by talking *only* in Japanese. Masterful trolling. I should learn some Japanese RIGHT NOW !!!
Strawberry66:
I spoke English to make fun of them sometimes. One day me and an Australian guy are hanging out on East Nanjing road of Shanghai.Thosesales ppl kept bothering him for making him buy bags and shoes in the only few English words they know.This Australian guy then asked him to give strong big pennis. I was freaking laughing.
In my early days in China, boys would ask my phone number. I naively though "Hey, why not, we might end-up having nice conversations around a few pints, I might meet people here, etc". It never went anywhere, just one or two messages to say hi.
Now, I just say the plain truth. "I don't use my phone much, only wit my wife for conversations that last two minutes at most. I like to keep my life as simple as possible." Picture the trademark "deer in the headlights" look ("does not compute"), or just an embarrassed smile ("what a weirdo"). If the guy insists, then I explain that it's easy to meet me, I work at this place, eat at that place, just say hi and we can chat. Annnnd there, I made *one* Chinese friend in China.
I usually just say,Sorry too personal to tell, I am kinda cold to strangers.
Some will give me their phone numbers or name cards,I've never called them back.haha
Shake your head and walk away. It's not difficult. Body language is the true global language.
I usually say: 'I don't know my phone number! I rarely call myself!'
Just smile and say "Bu Xie Xie" or simply change the subject. Unless they are brain dead they should get the hint. If they don't say "Wonderful I can call you ever night and we can talk about how Jesus can change your life and read the Bible together!
I look afraid and say that my husband will beat me if I give my number out to people without his permission. That usually takes care of it, and kills the stupid 'blatantly a free English lesson' conversation, too.
Strawberry66:
It doesn't work everytime.I got approached by a Chinese weido in the park.I lied to him I have bf.He then said my bf won't know if do something with him.I then kept walking and left the park.What crap. My advice is just ignore or just say no(if they arent act crazy) or tell them to fuck off.If things get weird,may call 110. I don't give a shit about this and I have no patience for dealing with all the craps.
I got annoyed by those martketing ppl a lot as I live in the city centre.Depends on my mood,if I am happy I will tell him that I don't want to give.If I had a bad day,I will tell them fuck off.
One day I told the lady to fuck off,she got scared and did not annoy me anymore.
dongbeiren:
Haha you don't take crap from anyone, I agree there's no need to be polite to advertisers bothering you on the street
Strawberry66:
I guess I don't.Direct way to drive them away. I got bothered almost everyday.No time to be polite.Hahaha
I got annoyed by those martketing ppl a lot as I live in the city centre.Depends on my mood,if I am happy I will tell him that I don't want to give.If I had a bad day,I will tell them fuck off.
One day I told the lady to fuck off,she got scared and did not annoy me anymore.