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Q: How do you kill a crab?
The wife's cooking crab, but I don't want her to just chuck the poor things in the pot and let them boil to death, so what's the most humane way to kill them? I mean, I can kill a crab, it'd be easy, you know, I could smash them with a hammer or stab them, but as with anything, there's usually a particularly effective method that's relatively painless. The wife says her friends tell her she should get them drunk, which to me sounds very odd, I want to eat them, not get them into bed. So? Any advice?
Just cut off his head! It should die then . If you don't want to boil it alive and make it painfully and slowly die then do it quick! And please don't chop off his legs before he knows what's going on. At least let him get to feel his legs before he goes you know what I'm saying.
Don't like keep the poor thing alive and take off his crab legs that would just be cruel. Although, you would do that later when you eat him just don't do it when he's alive!
mArtiAn:
Just cut off his head? It's a crab, the whole thing is a bleeding head!
Not the answer you are looking for,,,, just a comment. Over in North America, on the Gulf Coast, we eat Blue Crab. Sad to say, but the crabs are tossed into the boiling pot alive... On reflection, that must totally suck for the crab, but yeah, we do it too.
mArtiAn:
As it happens that's what she did. I didn't eat any in protest. She got them drunk first though.
diverdude1:
well, if I'm berled alive, sure hope I'm drunk first too ! your woman is smart. 
mArtiAn:
Smart? I don't know, it seemed kind of twisted. It's a new level of passive aggressive behaviour when you offer someone a drink, then throw them in a pot of boiling water.
I throw em in boiling pan. I hear stories about putting them to sleep by stroking the top of their head. You really think the crab feels that much? Maybe you could try bringing them up the boil, sorta frogs in a bucket style.
I imagine that by eating seafood in China you're doing to yourself what your wife did to the crab- being slowly killed while drunk.
There is a cream and shampoo you can rub on them that kills them.
mArtiAn:
Ok, now this is just getting silly. So far I've been advised to get them drunk, give them a hair-wash and then stab them with an ice-pick. I mean, what kind of people are you? Oh. Wait there, I get it. It seems they're right; comedy is like venereal disease - you've either got it, or you ain't. And Ted.........you've got it.
I've read that if you throw them into your freezer or into an ice bath for a few minutes first, it puts them into a kind of comatose state; not sure that's a great theory - following that logic, the boiling water ought to wake them up pretty damn quickly.
I wish I'd got in before Ted with the cream joke.
Use a 12 gauge shotgun and double-aught buckshot. That ought to do it.
mArtiAn:
Finally a reasonable suggestion. So after i've got them drunk, given them a shampoo and perm, I simply stab them with an ice-pick and blow the motherf****rs away with my trusty sawn-off. Couldn't be simpler.
GuilinRaf:
Nah, I prefer to use an unmanned remote operated flying drone....
You don't kill a crab. You pull the claws off and when they grow back you can have a constant supply of crab claws. Actually the most humane way is you can put them in the freezer.They will just go to sleep.
mArtiAn:
They will just go to sleep? What like they did in that movie Titanic? i think the phrase you're looking for is 'freeze to death'.
Crabs need to be cooked live, simply because they become toxic to eat after being dead for a relatively short period of time. So, unless you kill them the instant before you cook them, it's a bad idea.
You can easily kill a crab by sticking a skewer in the space between their eyes and moving it back and forth - it instantly scrambles their brain. But be warned, even doing this five minutes before cooking will make the meat mushy feeling and gross. You must do it like this: quickly pith the brain, throw into boiling water.
In other news, crustaceans, being animals with an exoskeleton, don't have the same sensory nerves that humans do - they only have small nerves on their "feelers" to find food, and these would be burnt out instantly by dropping them in boiling water.
Either way, it will die fast.
PS - crabs and lobsters don't "scream" or "cry" - that's just the sound of heat forcing air out of their shells.
mArtiAn:
These ones didn't scream but after the wife soaked them in rice wine for half an hour one of them jumped up, sang three choruses of 'Life is a Cabaret' and then passed out snoring.
What Mr. Tibbles said. You can die from eating crustaceans after killing them. Best to cook them alive.
