Get drunk. It's a lose-lose situation but you've got to do it so just arrive drunk (brush your teeth though, so they don't know) and smile a lot and try not to talk.

It sounds like I'm being weird or stupid but it's the only way I can handle my in-laws.

Run away far from him and look for a foreign boyfriend

I don't know too many guys who don't like to be refered to as slutty man freaks. So, I think you're fine.

Also, after all the girls in his village see he hooked up with a blonde foreign chick they'll be beating down his door without their clothes on.

You should only go back to his parents' house if you are very serious about the relationship and you believe that this could be your life partner. Taking a girlfriend home for the first time isn't as casual here in China; the implications are in fact huge. By taking you to meet the parents, he is telling his parents to accept you in to the family as a future daughter-in-law. If this is just a casual "year-abroad" romance for you and you have no intention to stick around longterm, respect his mothers' wishes because she does have a point.

Don't go... For so many reasons, don't go.

What kind of village is his family living?

Don't worry about that, if u r going to meet him family, that means u r serious and he is too. U have to do this, the sooner the better. Let's say, if things like other people said happened, u still have time to find ur foreign bf... If u r together for 10 years then u go to meet his family...

Maybe his parents like u.