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Posts: 544

Shifu

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Q: How does one adjust to suddenly being more desirable to women?

Between moving to China and losing a bit of weight, I am facing some new issues with the ladies: I suddenly exist to them.In the US there were only ever three girls interested in me. In my small city in China there seem to be three girls a week expressing their interest clearly (not people looking to practice English). How did you guys deal with this? I have no idea how to turn a girl down, or how to explain that 23 years old is way too young to be thinking about finding a spouse. I can only imagine that attempting casual dating to see whether I really want to be with a woman long-term would only hurt her. And how do I get my female students to stop sending texts professing how "strongly" they feel about me. I know this sounds like a 'good' problem to have, but it really is making me feel terribly trapped and depressed.

10 years 49 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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You're toast. I found it too easy to get Chinese women to like me. I always said I had a girl friend. The next time I would see them, they'd say I made them cry. I think many young girls don't have that much experience, they are more like 13 year olds at home.

TedDBayer:

Part of my problem was I'll talk to anything with legs and maybe they don't get much attention. Young Chinese guys are just as shy as the women. So the women like a little attention. If you're not looking then don't talk. If anyone asks, I'll tell them you're gay.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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I'm going to get a lot of downvotes from the prudes and wimps for saying this, but somebody has to: just live for yourself. Do whatever it is that brings you the most enjoyment. If that means casual dating, then do that.

 

As long as you are honest about your intentions right from the start, and keep it that way, then you're not playing games or deceiving anyone so you're doing nothing wrong. If girls choose to date you (or whatever) and have expectations of you which are different from what you spell out for them, then that's their own delusional thinking causing the damage, not anything you did. You cannot feel responsible for immature girls' feelings, or you're going to be miserable your whole life!

 

Besides, if you don't try things out with any of them for fear of drama, emotions, etc, you could be missing out on some genuinely nice people.

dandmcd:

You forgot the golden rule which nullifies everything you said... Don't stick your dick in crazy!  Most girls here don't understand casual dating, no matter how good their English is when you explain it.  Having your way with a Chinese girl suddenly means you will marry her tomorrow in their mind.  If you don't, holy hell, you better run to a new city fast! Or, the worst would be a condom with a maliciously placed pinhole or girl who uses your emotions ot her advantage to bareback it.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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t91camp:

Man, I've met plenty of Chinese girls who don't think that way. Yes, the majority do, but come on, there's hundreds of millions of them, any foreign guy who doesn't look like Quasimodo can meet enough sane ones to have a good time. There's also a fair number of girls who are looking for one night stands, if you're not afraid of that. :P

 

Even more important than what the girls think, is what you think. A guy who buys into the "all Chinese girls are crazy" myth will definitely meet crazy ones, and then just give in to them and settle down because it's all he can hope for. A guy who knows there are a handful of cool ones out there will be strategic and ditch the crazies before they have a chance to manipulate him, never giving the girls enough hope (or personal information) to even begin their tricks. Filthy, tricksy hobbitses...

 

Now if you really wanted to beat them at their own game, you could just agree to their insta-monogamy demands, then be such a bad boyfriend that THEY break up with YOU. It's easier than you might think!

10 years 49 weeks ago
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GhostMan:

Damn t91camp that's some great advice. One could always have multiple girlfriends and the ones that suck they can always be a crappy boyfriend like you said and they will get the hint. 

10 years 49 weeks ago
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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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I would say t91camp's advice would normally work in any other country, but more of us here know that won't work in China.  Just be careful.  You can be as honest as possible with them but they will still stalk you.  But that's not to say you shouldn't date.  Just don't shit where you eat.  DON'T date anyone from where you work/study.  I don't care how hot they are, just don't.  Cos when it goes pear shaped, you're screwed.  

I would take tedDbayer's advice and say you have a gf......or say you're gay 

t91camp:

Oh yeah, I assumed "don't shit where you eat" was a given. That's the worst thing you could do in China as far as dating is concerned lol. But you guys are giving Chinese girls too much power. Come on, stalkers? Just turn up your music and lock your doors, or make them lose so much face they can't be near you, or don't date the really psycho ones...

10 years 49 weeks ago
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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Yeah,xunliang is right,the simplest and most effective way:tell them you are a gay.

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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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I'm not bad looking... and I've been here for 1 year... and never ... ever.. ever have I noticed a girl interested in me... maybe I don't go out often... but still. and I'm only 24 years old.

Now I'm kinda jealous... I want to be desirable to women! Crying

TedDBayer:

Just talk to them, tell them that all Chinese women are very beautiful. That seems to be enough. At home I always had to have a line to get a laugh like, hey can I buy you a,,,,,car?

10 years 49 weeks ago
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dandmcd:

Seriously, where the heck are you?  I'm in a Tier 1 city, and nearly every girl who has hit puberty (I know, very icky) will give me the eye at least, and many try to crack a shy smile (which is about as extreme as flirting gets between strangers, unless you are rescuing them from a collapsing building).  The only ones who don't are the sugardaddy girls who prance around with their 10,000 yuan plastic sugery with leg extensions and their fancy yuppy clothes. 

10 years 49 weeks ago
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Relt:

I'm now in shenyang. a first tier city. I was in Shenzhen before... and still nothing. I did get "you are very handsome" a couple of times from high school girls... but that's it. no one actually proposed or even talk to me... even if just to practice English. Damn phone makes it hard to type.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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Hulk:

TedDBayer is 100% right! YOU HAVE TO TALK TO THEM!!! Chinese girls are ULTRA-SHY. If you don't talk to them, they'll think you're not interested in them. Seriously.

 

It's the same way back home, come to think of it... what kind of a girl approaches guys and asks them out, etc?

 

Maybe turn on WeChat and use the "Look Around" feature? Although I ended up with a gay stalker that way... so maybe it's not a good idea.

 

You need to approach girls and talk to them. I made like 75 female friends that way, some of them really close. I ended up marrying one of them. Just talk to them. Chinese girls freaking love to talk, and they love being listened to even more than that.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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TedDBayer:

I met my girl friend because I wanted to pet her dog. She was a cute little woman, but she asked me if I wanted to go to church and I did go, then she asked me if I wanted to go for a beer, which I did.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
Posts: 29

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Really, tell them you're gay? Tell them you have a girlfriend? Avoid them? I am disappointed guys. The only person making any sense on here is t91camp. 

Of course avoiding drama is a good thing and I agree you probably shouldn't hook up with students or coworkers until they are no longer your students... But you people are talking crazy. You might as well rent a storage room, put your dicks into some old chest and lock it away like a time capsule.  I'm ASSUMING you are a man, so here is some advice: act like it. Men have sex with women. That's what men do. You can look it up if you don't believe me, but you might have seen it in some movies on the internet. That thing in those videos is called "sex" and it's actually possible, as long as you man up enough and do it.
If they get all upset and sad because you don't make them your girlfriend, that is not your fault. That is their fault for for having unfair expectations. Adult women know that not every guy that pokes them is going to marry them, and they can deal with it. All men need to stop letting women call all the shots and walk all over us. I'm going to repeat this because it's important: WE ARE MEN. They are just little 90-100 pound girls, so what if they try to "stalk" you? Yeah it's annoying, but not dangerous. Be nice at first, tell them the truth and let them down easy. If they keep bothering you, delete them out of your phone and  ignore them. If they keep knocking on your door, keep a bunch of baby bottles next to your door so you can give one as a free gift to her to use until she grows up. I mean you show these girls a fun time, have a few laughs and have a few tumbles under the sheets,  but you don't owe anyone anything. Live your life for yourself. Have sex with these women already, god knows they could use at least one good lay before they get married.
 

Hulk:

Not dangerous?! You haven't met my previous girlfriends. cool

10 years 49 weeks ago
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GhostMan:

But you're THE HULK! You can Hulk smash.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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Hulk:

I don't hit women. Hell, I went out of my way NOT to hit my mother-in-law during that situation. I ended up hitting her anyway...

10 years 49 weeks ago
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TedDBayer:

see penis removal in China

10 years 49 weeks ago
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GuilinRaf:

Penis removal?

Catherine Kiu.........

10 years 49 weeks ago
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TedDBayer:

I don't think you ever told me your girl friends name before? Is that the ONE?

10 years 49 weeks ago
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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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Never been a problem

I am used to it

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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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Generalizations ahead:

 

The problem here is, you guys who are virgins (or close to it) in your home countries never learn how to handle women's attention and emotions. You'll pretty much fall in love with any girl who shows interest in you, and then you're easy prey for manipulation. Chinese girls respond better than any Western women to male dominance, but you guys never learned how to recognize that. Instead you just give in to their temper tantrums and act like you're victims of "crazies". You need to reach down between your legs and grab your balls, as a reminder that you still have them, they're not actually in her purse.

 

You thought Chinese girls would be easy? Well they are, but only if you act like a masculine man. You have to lead their behavior and be very clear and unforgiving with what you don't tolerate. That's why guys who are cool in their home countries are cool in China, too. You know the type. The guy who dates tons of girls and yet never seems to have any major issues with them. Then if he does settle down, it's with the most attractive chick you've seen in recent memory. Know why? Chinese girls can't manipulate them or take advantage of them, because they just aren't affected by silly little girl games. The tests and tantrums bounce off like they've got Iron Man's armor for emotions. And then guess what? When the girls realize that crap doesn't work, they stop doing it. Really, any girl can be mature if you guide her into it, it's just a matter of whether you value that girl enough to bother. Chinese girls are extremely feminine, which means if you're masculine man then you're a natural fit, but if you're a scared little boy they will walk all over you. I believe Phil when he says it's never been a problem, he seems like a dude who doesn't take shit from anyone.

 

Flame on. angel

t91camp:

Only -4? Come on, you guys can do better than that. Keep 'em coming!

10 years 49 weeks ago
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RRoy:

Completely agree!!! not much else to be said here as you've summed it up very nicely.

 

10 years 49 weeks ago
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bill8899:

It's really not such a bad comment. I upvoted it. 

10 years 49 weeks ago
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DaqingDevil:

Yeah I upvoted to keep you ahead!!

10 years 49 weeks ago
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t91camp:

Right on, guys. I just knew this would hurt some people's feelings, I didn't expect a (currently) 9-8 spread! It's like an expat ideological war in votes haha

10 years 49 weeks ago
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GhostMan:

I love how much support your answer got, it's completely true.

10 years 48 weeks ago
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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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Hmm. Been there, done that. I came here at like 300lbs (340 before coming here), and women were throwing themselves at my Obese self. "TAKE ME, BIG WHITEY!"

 

Now that I've lost 134 pounds, it's even worse. In Hunan and Guangdong, I had girls -- especially those outside or near the embassy -- trying their hardest. I always told them I was busy/married/have a girlfriend (when I wasn't married).

 

Method 1:

 

Tell them you love Japan and Japanese people. If they don't start running, then you should start running. The last girl I was with loved Japan, and some pretty... unspeakable things.  If I tell my wife I love Japan, she yells "Get out of my country! Go back to America you dirty foreigner!" Of course she's only kidding. Half-kidding. I think. I hope... cool

 

Method 2:

 

This always works for me in every country: ignore them. If you ignore girls, they won't talk to you. Ever. Walk down the street, and ignore every girl who puts her eyes on you, and she'll hang her head in shame and walk off. Those who don't -- especially in China -- are probably trouble. The first girl snatched me the same day I arrived. What a nightmare.

 

Method 3:

 

Freak her out. Tell her you want to get married and have 15-20 kids and become the Duggar Family v2.0. Start writing her all kinds of psychotic love poems, etc. Talk about how you feel dizzy and mentally unstable every time you spend more than 1 second away from her. Do it on the first date.

 

If she doesn't run away... never mind, that's how I ended up getting married. Don't do that if you're looking to chase them away.

 

 

Method 4: Does your significant other carry a large purse? My wife carries a large, heavy, blue purse, and I wear it as a necklace. That is the easiest way to make women avoid you, but they usually smile and laugh. I can be seen wandering around as Purse Hulk every time I'm with my wife. Buy a big purse and wear it around, even if you're single.

 

Hmm... Maybe #2 or #4.

 

EDIT: Added Method #4.

t91camp:

Hahaha I love #1. For some reason I hadn't thought of that. 

10 years 49 weeks ago
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crimochina:

hmmmmmmmmm outside the embassy you say. .... i will verify your story. 

10 years 49 weeks ago
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Hulk:

Well, in my case it was the consulate in Guangzhou. I meant to say that... use WeChat with your real photo, and make sure you're wearing a suit in that photo.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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tell her your wife only allows one small wife at a time, but you will take her resume for future consideration.

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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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  That's the worst question i've ever read on here. Jesus, i'm married. Married! Gimme a week with the problem of how to juggle a ton of females who are all chasing after my goodies and you can clean up baby shit instead, how about that!?

  Oi vey.

  How do you deal with it? You're 23! Lay pipe son! Lay pipe! Just be careful not to piss off too many big brothers. I know a fella got his hand chopped in two for doing that.

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Maybe it is all in your head. It's not that the girls are attracted to you, it is the "white monkey" effect you are feeling. You can double the effect by getting a golden retriever puppy. 

MissA:

More than double the effect - if he carried around a cute retriever puppy, everything else on the street will become irrelevant. Top Gear proved that one pretty conclusively.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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Here's my simple advice.  If you don't want to get involved with girls or be tempted by them then try your best to make some guy friends and/or just stay busy pursuing your own interests.  The lonelier you are and the more free time you have the more they will likely be able to trap you or make you feel depressed. 

 

 

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puck you white guys i even get turned away at massage parlors. 

 

 

i have to go through a 100 women to find a gf. they are afraid of having their bodies "damaged"

t91camp:

Damn, is it really that bad? To be fair, though, you might actually damage some of them. 

10 years 49 weeks ago
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DanielC.Cooper:

lol, I never got turned away, got lucky, my pick up line is simple
ni hao
wo gang cai kandao ni , 
ni jiao shen me mingzi lol
never had a problem. 

10 years 49 weeks ago
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Hulk:

I've gotten that several times despite being white/red. Some of the more "knowledgeable" girls are afraid of foreign... penile instruments. In fact, I've been told, "I am Chinese. I cannot withstand this."

10 years 49 weeks ago
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happywanderer:

This is awesome.  Tell them it's a new kind of yoga stretch that helps their skin tone and stops hair falling out.

10 years 36 weeks ago
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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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General

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Yoh, some real Cassanovas here. Real "players" you all are. Real men. You must be so proud of yourselves. 

 

I'm actually happy for you bunch of miserable losers that you finally have some woman who are interested in you (although its purely because of the color of your skin but this doesn't seem to matter to you lover boys) because its clear to see, by reading what you have written, that you have absolutely no idea how to treat and therefore attain a REAL woman. It therefore goes without saying, and again this is proven by the drivvle you have written here, that you were never able to get a decent girl in your homeland. So now you feel you have to try prove your manhood and cover up your insecurities by sleeping with as many Chinese girls as you can. Well done you guys. Top notch blokes. You can all be very proud of your achievements! 

 

Enjoy being in china for the rest of your life because you're clearly trying to be something here in china that you were never able to be in your home country. Unfortunately at the end of the day, despite all the attention from naive Chinese people, you're still a bunch if losers!

 

So man up and learn how to treat a lady...

TedDBayer:

I love idiots like you that believe that foreigners can't get women at home. You are just jealous. How do you do with the ladies? Come to a foreign country and see how you do. And THIS is your first big post? What are you 13 years old?

10 years 49 weeks ago
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Hulk:

Hmm... sounds like a 450lb American girl with a colosssal cameltoe and an all-encompassing foofer. A girl so mad that she couldn't find a man in America (or China, or even Nigeria where fat women are highly prized), that she had to go lesbian to even get laid.

 

Unfortunately, her lesbian lover is addicted to methamphetamines, and is so strung out on bath-salts that she thinks kuenmilne is actually a guy with a rather large member. Too bad for Bath Salt Betty, kuenmilne's past abuse of Human Growth Hormone and Testosterone -- two substances which she used to butch-up, so she could jam out with her clam out -- have left her with a gargantuan appendage that would make John Holmes blush.

 

But don't worry, you keep telling us about real women, and we'll stick to our submissive and naive little China dolls since it's obvious we can't find women back home.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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crimochina:

att all chinese men, if you make a woman happy she would not look elsewhere. ask japanese men. instead of trying to steal their land you should hit them up for advice.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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GhostMan:

I don't know about most other expats, but when I was living in San Francisco US I was a dating coach for men and was quite successful at meeting women. I could meet women in almost any country. So your assumption is wrong at least in my case. Also I'm not good looking or rich.

10 years 48 weeks ago
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Shifu

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I have done extensive travel all over the world. I live in California. As soon as Chinese women knows you live in California they think you are rich? This same situation exists in more easterly European countries. Unfortunately this is not the case. Most Americans are not rich, they buy everything on credit and appear to be rich. Credit is god. My neighbor has a new Porsche and Mercedese both on lease , a big house with a big mortgage.they are were paying on their washing machine, refrigerator etc.He looses his job and a month later, they have to sell their house and move into an apartment. This is the American way. Franck3

GuilinRaf:

Let me get this straight: You are a limey who hates America, and looks down  Upon that country and its citizens,  yet you are happy to live there?

kinda hypocritical.......

10 years 49 weeks ago
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crimochina:

if you really lived in usa you would know it takes a lot of money to lease 1 Porsche. rich folk typically lease cars. because leasing a car is a complete and total waste of money. please no one tell him the details. 

10 years 49 weeks ago
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One more thing I will say, about the gentleman who thinks we can't get girls in our home country, your stupid.

GuilinRaf:

DONT ASK WHY. JUST ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 years 49 weeks ago
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First of all "yes" the culture here is way behind ours as far as age and maturity. the college students here are like 13 year old "girls"  and most have never dated or had a boyfriend (not allowed by parents). Which brings us to the second point "you are forbidden fruit to most parents" and so they may be exercising a bit stepping outt from the new found freedom (so ask to meet the parents before dating and they will change their mind quickly). Third we are all rich in their eyes and maybe some are sincere but most just want somebody else to take care of them the way that daddy does and you might be a better choice than the local riff-raff of their hometown. and as the other reader suggested to tell them you have a girlfriend in another city and they should leave you alone Find a picture from the internet or something (the students will back off then).
I have 4 kids in America (older and I am divorced) so they all "assume" I am married (even when I tell them directly I am not). Plus not many Chinese girls wants to imagine more than one child (pop out one and set for life).If you say you have a child somewhere and not taking care of it then you are a bad person and they don't want to get stuck like that.   I'm older but even the age doesn't matter much here.. Unfortunately your are in the prime target age (and single and foreign) so you are like a trophy to to seen with but I doubt it will go any further than that if it came down to business.
I go places with some of my students (guys and girls) for show and that is a status thing and credibility for them..celebraty status they pay I'm happy..So think clearly and you might be reading more into it than is really there. If they still hit on you then you are doing something wrong and not being straight forward. Be wise they can quickly end your career in China if you are not careful or piss off the wrong one in the wrong way. be safe and stay in a group and they won't be as forward. Most of it is just talk anyway  (depends on the age group). Closer to graduation they would rather get married than work. My opinion.

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10 years 49 weeks ago

LostinChinasomewherehavingfun :)

 
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A: "... through ..."?  Only "through" comes to mind is "Shenzhen agent can connect you with an employer, who's authorized to hire waigouren ... and can sponsor Z visa." It's not like every 10th person you meet in Shenzhen's hood can sponsor work visa ...  The only way to change from student to labourer visa is just a regular way by: 1. Finding an employer, who'll apply for an Invitation letter; 2. Exit China and apply for Z visa in your home country's Chinese embassy; 3. Enter China in 30-days after Z visa was stamped into your travelling instrument ...As I am aware, you won't be able to switch to Working permit by remaining in China....,so make ready for a return to your home .... -- icnif77