By continuing you agree to eChinacities's Privacy Policy .
Sign up with Google
Sign up with Facebook
Q: How have your feelings about living in China changed over time?
My first year in China was a blast - I didn't have to work very hard, I did a bunch of traveling and I really enjoyed the craziness of it all. I became interested in Chinese culture and made a concerted effort to learn the language. I would actively seek out chances to talk to locals so that I could practice my Mandarin and get to know people. I was excited about living here long term. I loved being an expat living in China.
Fast forward a few years and I have a better job that I like more but I have undergone a 180 about actually living here. I don't want to talk to any strangers because I am tired of being viewed as the outsider and hearing the same questions and comments again and again. I don't really try to make Chinese friends. My language level has stagnated and I see little point in continuing my study unless I need it for work. I have a solid foundation and see little motivation to learn more vocabulary because I have no interest in having conversations with most locals here. The more educated ones with interesting things to say generally speak English anyway. I have learned a lot more about Chinese society and I dont' like much of what I see. Although my city has improved in terms of transportation infrastructure and dining options I just don't like living here anymore. I am here for work and family only.
So how has your opinion about living in China changed over time? Did you go through a honeymoon period like me? Do you still love it after being here for years? Have you always hated it?
Never hated it, just need to vent a bit from time to time and I do it here mostly. Good career opportunities here, nice salary, not much work. I would be really happy if I could just get rid of all the people...
The answer to that one is an emphatic yes. When I first moved here and everything was new, I enjoyed every minute of it. Making friends was a breeze. Being treated like a movie star seemed great. I just couldn't get enough of it.
Over the years, that feeling gradually deteriorated. The negatives soon outnumbered the positives and also the negatives felt more of a drain.
These days, the negatives well outnumber the positives. I no longer have the desire to make new Chinese friends. I find banquets and drinking sessions a complete waste of time. The dishonesty, deceitfulness, xenophobia, duplicity, connivance, and victim mentality of many Chinese people drains the living daylights out of me. They used to go over my head but the drip - drip effect of facing these traits on a daily basis for a number of years has worn me to the bones.
Stiggs:
It's those negative traits, and quite a few more that have finally got to me too. That and the disappointment of seeing too many people l I thought were better than that show their true colors. It really makes me wonder what sort of society I'm living in.
Anyway, I'm planning to see out my commitments here then leave and probably not look back. The people here can continue to treat each other like crap if it makes them happy but I don't want to see it.
I only went through a little honeymoon phase, but I never really hated living in China. As long as the work goes smoothly and I have my own community of friends, all is well. I just don't let China get me down.
I have the very same evolution as yours. I came full of hopes and optimistic 3 years ago, after a previous 1 year experience that went really well. Things were exciting because they were new, things looked good because I painted what I couldn't see in a good light. I met that very special person that would become my wife, career wise things went very well, etc.
Then, as I dived deeper into China's life and society, it became increasingly painful. No room for integration, the harsh society, the emotional approach on all things, poor place to raise kids, etc. I'm to the point of packing-up and leave in a few months. I can't take it no more.
It is a love-hate thing... for sure.
After the honey-moon period you start to see past the facade and dislike Chinese. BUT if you start to see past that, you will see that many of them are actually good people that are just ignorant or brain-washed to the extreme.
There are also charming things about China like night markets, the ability to almost do whatever you want as long as you don't hurt anyone... but overall, China is not a place to live and build up a future. It just isn't...
Visiting for a while, sure... but not living here for extended periods of time.
I share your feelings exactly (except it took me about 2 months to burn through the honeymoon phase, not a year). I came over because I really wanted to learn the language. I was excited by the novelty of it all, and I enjoyed what I considered to be friendly behavior on the part of the locals. But, I've been here too long; I've seen past the veneer.Nothing ever has more worth than the facade here.
At this point, I just want to serve out the remainder of my contract here, and be done with it. The filth, the childishness, the opportunism and empty materialism, the pettiness, the small minded behavior, above all else, the SELFISHNESS...I'm sick of it.
I stopped learning the language because it felt too much like I was setting myself up for a terrible life sentence: You start learning it. Then, you dislike China, but you stay to finish learning the language. Next, you get a job dealing with the Chinese--after all, you worked hard to acquire the language...and then, one day, you wake up old, having spent your life fighting an uphill battle with dishonest screwballs and idiots.
When I came here, I came here for a reason. I wanted to learn Chinese, and this country was my best option for doing it. When i hated it, i felt that admitting that this country sucks would make me unadventurous, or 'not cut out' for traveling. So, I really wanted to like this country. More recently, I've looked at the map, noticed those 195 other countries that exist. I don't have to like China. The world is not that small.
hi2u:
You should move to Taiwan where you can also learn Chinese and appreciate all the positives of Chinese culture without all the negative crap, or at least a considerable less amount of the negative crap.
RachelDiD:
Eh, I could do that. Right now, I feel the same things about Chinese culture that I do about Christianity, though. In the sense that, while I imagine a nicer version than I have experienced must exist, too much of it has egged my life for me to care to continue dealing with it. Not while Japan, Vietnam, and Indonesia are still there.
My feelings have changed enormously in the last few years, before I had kids I could get drunk, that felt great, I was on an adventure and I was hammered. Now I spend my days dragging these carpet monsters through the supermarket with the world screaming "CHANG CHANG CHANG CHANG CHANG" in my ears and I can't even stop at the booze section.
As per above. Can't leave just yet awhile though. A year or two more will be about it.
All the negative comments listed above are the reality. But some of the positive ones aren't wrong. I do love my wife.
