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Posts: 37

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Q: How long I wait before sleeping with Westerner?

I met this beautiful austrian and we going out for a week. He really nice guy but wants my pants bcause all west are like that but he maybe different. I want to make it late as possible and wondering how long is too long before sleeping together so he does not breakup with me? Maybe we can marry he works as english teacher in private school.

12 years 34 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Ahhh yes...the great chinese culture and tradition:
kids shit and piss on the street
hawking and spitting...anywhere anytime....women and men..
poison milk scandal ..killing babies because of it..
100 other types of scandals...
filthy everywhere....
people litter everywhere
Little Emporer syndrome is retarded!! (thats why so much relationship trouble)
poison air..
poison food..
Guanxi for everything...police ,courts, BULLET TRAIN!!
Fake everything......in everystore.
Save face...EVERY local Govt fraud and corruption....
Frying oil rip off ...(why I never eat from a vendor)
Rude people push in even when clearly you are next...
Dont worry dear we understand the great culture and tradition veruoglan...trouble is...you dont!! Wink
.

luggi:

are you staying in china? i hope not...

12 years 26 weeks ago
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instant_noodles:

omg, what a true summary of China! 2 thumbs up

12 years 5 weeks ago
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12 years 32 weeks ago

Live your life...do what you think you might like to do...challenge your fears...life is full of risks..change is about taking a risk...if you dont take risks you dont grow and thus never change!

 
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Posts: 436

Shifu

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did you say he's an Austrian ?
an austrian english teacher ?

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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I'm not sure about Austrians but many foreign women wait till they are comfortable, which is different for every woman.

If it's not your choice, then he's probably a sleaze-bag you should avoid.

"wants my pants bcause all west are like"

It's a shame that Chinese expect us to understand China through your greatest individuals and achievements, but you insist on understanding us only through our worst.

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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you've been going out for a week and already thinking of marriage? ok, wait until you feel comfortable about it. if he doesn't like that, well his a douche and was probably not serous about it to begin with. and you save yourselve the trouble.
its your choice and he should respect that.

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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If the guy really likes you, he will not breakup with you for not sleeping with him. Just talk to him about what you feel and want. If he breaks up with you, then all he wanted was your pants. You will be better off without him, as you seem to want a relationship.
"All wests want pants" because sex is fun. It feels good. It is better, in fact very much better with some we care about. However we often do not want or can not have deeper feelings or attachments. Love is not a free choice, Love can develop from a relationship. I'm sure you understand this. A person can not fall in love with just anyone.You could not love Njord. But if you are still a virgin, maybe you could fall in love with me, because I'm a perv. (addressing your last post) sorry .couldn't resist that ,

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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A week together and already wondering about marriage? Having sex "too early" isn't going to scare him off, but that kind of thinking will.

Get to know the guy first. A week is NOT ENOUGH TIME to know anyone well. Unless you are just looking for sex with no strings attached (which is fine, you're allowed to have fun) wait until you know more about the guy before making any decisions.

You can't say "wait exactly 19.47 days and 3 hours before sleeping with a foreign guy" or any guy for that matter. It's a judgement call on your part. I can offer these tips, not just for western guys, but guys in general.

Get to know the guy first. Relationships ANYWHERE are based on common interests, respect, and trust .

Western guys get into relationships with people they are comfortable with and have fun with. If you do too much to try and "win" a guy, like doing things you normally don't do, if you no longer do these things after 6 months together, well you're not the person he thought you were and things may go downhill.

Respect and trust are EARNED. Yours for him, his for yours.

Get with the guy or any guy because you want to, not because you think he has money or will make nice mixture babies.

In the west, marriage is not really a goal as it is affirming a bond between two people that already exists. Not a lot of western people (men and women) get married because their parents expect them to or there is a made up expiration date on a woman's uterus.

and finally, just as much as you want the guy to respect and follow Chinese culture traditions, remember that he is a foreigner and has his own culture and traditions that you need to accept and respect as well.

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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Hi

Don't make the mistake every western guy just want to have sex as soon as possible.

That's not true!

You must give him confidence you are serious.

And you must listen to what your heart is saying.
I say this because women can not hide their feelings. If you feel a lot for the guy and you have the desire to sleep with him he will normaly notice.
If you, however, reject this feeling the guy will start to doubt. At least, that's what I will do in that case.
And I know Chinese woman can ahve a lot of problems to listen to their heart.

Be there for him when he needs or asks you. Many guy's don't like it when a woman starts to make it complex by turning down requests for a meet.

Remember there is no difference in the basic between Chinese man/women and european man/woman.

In the basic we are all the same. Man and women like sex also equaly. Big mistake when they say man like sex more as women.
The difference is, and you show this also in your post, that the mind of a man goes up and down. He thinks more times about sex but shorter periods. A woman however thinks less times about sex but when se starts to think about it she doesnt stop anymore.

My advise is, just be together with him as much as possible. Let him a little bit free. Don't check him out how many girlfriends he might have (I really hate this when Chinese women do this with me) and give him the trust you are serious.

It's actualy very easy.

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
Posts: 91

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You're not really Chinese are you? This sounds like a total parody of how Chinese women supposed to think.

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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Are you always asking these retarded childish questions? . Time to grow up girl.

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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By the way, do you think it insults us to say we are always trying to get laid? Cause it doesn't. Damn straight westerners like to f***, we ain't scared of our bodies or sex. We're adults who admit we like getting our rocks off.

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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@toad
"You're not really Chinese are you? This sounds like a total parody of how Chinese women supposed to think."

To whom are you responding? Better to make this a little bit clear.

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
Posts: 91

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I'm obviously talking to the OP

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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thnk u for those with nice words. Its been week but we saw each other day everyday and he's the nicest. But some westerners want to mock us because marriage is important for us. You want we understand your culture but understand our and we r i China. Lot of friends home at Chengdu are engaged or married, it s only normal we want real relation too ! !

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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Sex is a natural phenomenon and there is no time for that it could be after one day or one year of relationship.

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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You don't get married just cause your friends are. That's really silly. I promise you, that after a week, this guy is not interested in marriage, unless he's the ugliest man in Austria

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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Firstly,
It's not fair to say all guys from the west only see Chinese girls as symbols of sex. Some of us are looking for long-term relationships leading to marriage.

It looks like you are experiencing a classic clash of cultures.

Most foreigners are really direct and open people to talk to. My advise is be very open with him and let him know your true feelings and likes and dislikes in the relationship.

After living her in China (3 different Cities) throughout the last 15 years, I can read, speak and write Chinese so I get to know what life here is like for a Chinese, not just for foreigners.

Chinese girls:
Are really afraid of losing face.
Never speak directly - instead drop clues to what you mean and hope the listener can guess the meaning.
Are very traditional - guy can never meet the parents unless it's agreed they will marry.
Care more about what others think and say about them instead of just getting on with their own life.

Western guys:
Not afraid of losing face.
Speak directly with detail.
Can adapt very easily with other cultures.
Don't care too much about what other people think or say about them.

So, with the above in mind, a western guy and a Chinese girl are like pretty much the complete opposite of each other.

That's not to say relationships won't work. It just makes it much more difficult to find the right partner.
I have been together with my girlfriend (Chinese) for 5 years and we plan to get married next year.
She is my second girlfriend since moving out here to work.

My first girlfriend was the - "lets get married, lets buy a house, lets buy a car, you should buy me a clothes store" type of girl.

My current girlfriend trusts me, loves me and leaves everything in my hands.

See what i am getting at?

If you give your new boyfriend huge pressure for commitment then he will take the backward step everytime because it is not normal in his culture to behave like this.

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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thx for advice shanghaifinest. But if i make effort for him, y no make effort for me? what if i want to marry beccause i think hes the perfect one. we r maybe different culture but we r in China no?

hiddenjelly:

Westerners do believe in love at first sight but that doesn't mean they want to get married after 1 week, It seems he understands Chinese culture well enough to know that meeting the parents equals marriage. Maybe he will marry you in the future but needs to make sure you are the right one, why would you rush into having him meet your parents after 1 week to find out later that things didn't work out and you break up, wouldn't that be a loss of face?

 

Yes, foreign culture is sex before marriage and definitely before meeting the parents! If you are not willing to adapt then there are plenty of girls out there who are, and he will just go find someone else instead. I and I'm sure he would understand if you are a virgin and you want to wait until married, but if not and you are trying to force him to meet the parents or no sex, then I hope that he leaves you ASAP.

 

BTW, are you still with him? it's been over 1 year now since you posted. Did you get the iPad also?

11 years 20 weeks ago
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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
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How low can you go??

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 335

Shifu

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You know he's the perfect one after a week?

Then follow your heart and marry him. I hear it's easy for gold-digging Chinese women to get a green card in Austria.

This isn't a problem with 'Western guys after your pants' [sic], it's a problem with Chinese womens' overly romanticized views of marriage and a clueless approach to what constitutes as 'love'.

They really haven't got a clue. There's so much pressure from families and other friends. The comment about having an expiry date on their uterus was spot on.

Chinese women need to start thinking for themselves and ignoring any pressure their old-fashioned family ideals puts on them. Marry when YOU want to, not when your peers tell you to.

As far as this Austrian guy is concerned, he may well be the one, but don't rush to find out. Take time getting to know him. If that means sexually, then don't be afraid to explore that side before marriage (if your religion permits it of course). What a tragedy if you get married then find out you are not compatible sexually.

And above all... wear a condom!

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1153

Shifu

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just wait you will know when the time is right ,,, 1 week is such a short time ...now if its 4 or 5 months the relationship is strong you will know whats right and whats wrong never rush this situation let it nurture and grow the right way
if he is unwilling to wait he is not worth it trust me take care

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1084

Shifu

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When you're ready. I'm sure he's been ready from the first second. So don't feel pressured. Nature will be nature.

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 37

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If he ready from first second, do it mean he cares not about me whole but just my body? And Ludovico, he say he want settle in China, not go back to austria!

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
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if he didn't make any effort for you its probably because he has a few others laying around.
er nai, san nai etc etc.

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 650

Shifu

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Poor girl~
U know how relationship works for westerners.
Even u sleep with him for 6months, he might not see u as girlfriend.
And never believe whatever a man said to u, as I only love u, I will stay in China for u. He might be married back home, has 3kids, who know.

The thing is if u can do it, if u can, just have fun, go ahead, don't put urself into him too much. If u can't better back off, u will get hurt.

And from what I know, most Chinese girls cannot do that, I mean only sex fun, even to start it's hard. What should I say, let's learn from western girls..

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 650

Shifu

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Yeah, u should date a Chinese, and marry one too, forget that Austrian, English is not even his mother language.
It's hard.
Especially, most of them think we r gold digger.
They think it's too much to ask for a house. And we think only sex is out of question.
If u cannot agree with each other how can u live together.

It's hard, we r different, marry ur own people. But u don't believe, go to try by urself, but if u get hurt, it's no one's fault.

Guys too, listen, if it's ur choice to date a Chinese, gold digger, don't complain how much money u paid for her, it's ur choice. Everyone gets what he/she wants, everyone is happy. If u don't want these, don't date any Chinese. I think we have enough foreign females in China too.
Like my colleges, they date Korean, Cuban~ Chinese is not good for u~ only think about money, go to find a really whore, she will never want to much besides money.

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 91

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Wenna, you're an idiot. You can't get married in CHina without legal proof you're not married in your home country.

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
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