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Q: How many people have you lost since coming to China?

An unfortunate aspect of life is that it is always ending, even when we are far away. How many friends, family, or former colleagues have "passed on" since you've come to China, and how do you deal with not being able to make it to the funeral?  
I've lost five family members, four former classmates, six, childhood friends, seventeen former colleagues, and nine close friends during the eight years that I've been in China. 

1 year 35 weeks ago in  Family & Kids - China

 
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been there.........

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1 year 35 weeks ago
 
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One. I had a family member die when I was in China.

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1 year 35 weeks ago
 
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been there.........

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1 year 35 weeks ago
 
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One family member.

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1 year 35 weeks ago
 
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You lose people all the time. They don't have to be dead to lose them. Some people are still alive, and yet they're dead. Other people are dead, and yet they are still alive. There is nothing unfortunate about life ended just like there is nothing fortunate about having a life. That's life. You live it or you don't. What I don't like about it is being a victim and whining about other people's death.

sorrel:

while death is part of life, and has to be accepted, mourning a loss is NOT 'whining' or playing the 'victim'.

Mouring and grief are the humane and human reactions to death of a loved one.

I would never dismiss or diminish another persons reaction to death.
for a child, the death of a pet can be as intense as the death of a relative.

1 year 35 weeks ago
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Lard:

It's good to mourn, however, no need to mourn online and list the numbers of dead. It doesn't sound very respectful. The dead should rest in peace and not be mentioned and discussed as a topic. What I am really skeptical of is, do the math, 41 of the people you are close with are dead while you are away. What does it say about you?

1 year 35 weeks ago
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sorrel:

do you not talk AT ALL about family members who have died?
mourning/grief/remembering the dead has changed significantly over the last few years with people keeping in contact on social media.

why is it wrong to acknowldge that being far from the immediate family can have unwanted consequences such as not being present when a family member dies?

there is nothing wrong or direspectful from saying that a family member died while you were in China - there is no way of idetifying who it is, just that this sort of thing happens when living and working far from home, and it sucks that your did not have some extra time with that person.


and death is part of life.
it should not be hidden away or pretend it does not happen.

 

BUT , IMO
there is a difference between personal grief for a family member/friend and 'public grief' as a way to be 'part of the group'
some online 'grief' has become a form of 'virtue signalling' especially when it comes to people who you never met in real life and did not have a real relationship with:
the BLM 'navel gazing'.

 

1 year 35 weeks ago
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Lard:

Does one really need to seek for online help for such situations? Eight years in China and a bunch of people you know were gone. If I were you, I'd get use to it.Or I'll find a way to fix it. If not, I'll live with it. I get it now, maybe you are seeking for emotional support. If you are seeking for emotional support, it is fine. No need to start the question with how many people have you lost. If someone is truely seeking for help, they would not try to bring more parties into their problems. Inviting more people to talk about their families' death does not sound like a geniune question to me. Does it make you feel better or worse when you hear other people are facing better/worse situations than your own? Perhaps you will feel better if you see you are not alone. But so you expect other people to feel better too? Perhaps you are feeling better at the cost of other's inner peace. And really, if you are dead, do you want to be talked about this way? The one who knows the most dead people wins the game?

1 year 35 weeks ago
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sorrel:

@Lard
who is you last comment aimed at?
me or the OP?
your comment sounds a lot like those from a certain group of people who don't understand the benefits/necessity of small talk or shared experience (no matter what the topic), and go straight for the jugular when in a group or relative strangers.


there is nothing morbid or emotionally needy about talking about death.
we all encounter it and have to deal with it.
nor this does not seem to be a pissing contest about 'who experienced more grief', as you seem to imply.

 

it seems that this topic has touched more than a nerve wtih you...........
 



 

 

 

1 year 35 weeks ago
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Lard:

@ sorrel I am new to this website. Sorry I was confused. I had been talking about the OP. I thought you were you were the OP...

1 year 34 weeks ago
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sorrel:

@Lard

sure, 

I can see how easy it is to confuse 'sorrel' with 'Spiderboenz', especially when you don't bother to check.

no

1 year 34 weeks ago
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1 year 35 weeks ago
 
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I lost my best friend to a seizure, my last remaining gran parent to a home invasion????????????

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1 year 34 weeks ago
 
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I've lost no myself ... while in China.

 

Now. some 3 years or so since I left China, am slowly coming back ...  

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1 year 34 weeks ago
 
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