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Q: How often do you encounter passive aggression?
Old fashioned hot aggression is something that gets a lot of attention and is ridiculed pretty well I think. Most people seem to have caught on that this is not the way to handle things.
There are those, in small positions of power (something mundane, like a front desk worker at least) who have no interest invested in becoming aggressive. I've discovered that they use an equally nasty, but more secretive approach. They use passive aggression. Everything they say, the ways they say it, and the ways they treat others has a strong degree of passive aggression.
What is passive aggression? I say that it is being aggressive and mean, while covering it up with a "calm" demeanor. A form of offense that isn't so obvious to the casual observer. It's bullying while trying to be seen by others as normal.
For me, I get it the most when I deal with low wage front desk workers. They're usually always women. The men seem to be very emotionally stable for some reason. What is the deal with Chinese women? Is it because they are very low wage? Or? And should I just eat it up, and be on my best behavior?
What, like rescheduling someone's classes, moving them into another building, NOT INFORMING THE TEACHER OF THE CHANGE, then reporting said teacher to the Dean of Students for 'skipping' the classes?
timjames:
That's standard operating procedure here......Plan? What's a plan? Having a plan is just stupid foreigner talk. It's not hot, you're just fat. Drinking hot water cures everything! There is no cure for stupid.
What, like rescheduling someone's classes, moving them into another building, NOT INFORMING THE TEACHER OF THE CHANGE, then reporting said teacher to the Dean of Students for 'skipping' the classes?
timjames:
That's standard operating procedure here......Plan? What's a plan? Having a plan is just stupid foreigner talk. It's not hot, you're just fat. Drinking hot water cures everything! There is no cure for stupid.
I sometimes can't decide if it's passive aggression,or just stupidity and/or lack of training. Banks would be prime example of this.
If I worked on a front desk here I would find it impossible to stay in a placid mood all day. To have multiple people shouting at you and thrusting various papers your way for immediate attention. It would drive me mad.
If there are two people wanting something, and one person at a desk, have you ever seen one of the people wait for the first to finish? I dont think I have, unless there is a strict number system in place.
I was just commenting to my wife about this issue today. For the last 2 days, I've been in the process of renewing my RP. In the police office, I told her that I feel sorry for the clerks. Every day, they have to deal with this crap and behavior. They have to stamp everything and follow the strange government policies. My wife nodded her head and talked about it being boring. But it's not the boredom that's the saddest thing. It's the realization of the purpose of it all. The clerks know more than anyone why there are so many regulations and seemingly unnecessary checks and paperwork. They know it's because they are being controlled and handled. That realization alone is enough to make me want to jump from a high building if I had such a job.
My hats off to those clerks and expats who have to deal with China's crap every day. I don't blame them for the passive aggressive behavior. I'm not sure how I'd deal with working there every day.
Unfortunately they are everywhere, supermarkets, security guards, sales, you name it. They know they are in the wrong and will get disciplined when a customer file a complaint, so they resort to passive aggression which you described so well. Most people find it difficult to articulate it clearly enough to file a complaint. They know from experience who to bully and who not to mess around with.
If you are all smiles, in a good mood, appear to be a nice and easy going guy, you are asking for it. Put up an angry looking face, as if you are going to explode anytime, they stay put.
If they do their thing it means they (based on their experience with numerous customers) are banking on you not filing a complaint. Very simple, surprise them, have them lose the gamble. Experienced supervisors are well aware of these tricks. Just tell the supervisor what s/he said. Why should you be their punch bag? You are not a doormat for them to wipe their hooves (not boots).
ScotsAlan:
Ah. So you presume front desk will be passive aggresive, so you approach the desk with an "in your face" aggresive posture? Funny how the experts in customer service seem to have never worked in it. Smiles dont work?... Oh yes they do.
earthizen:
I am talking about the passive aggressive ones. If you find your approach works keep going.
As earthizen said, if you look like a nice happy person, you are asking for it.
My theory is, even though they pretend the opposite, many Chinese people's life can be summed with "work, go home, save money", they are unsatisfied with it, how could anyone not be? So when they see a truly happy person, especially a foreigner, they are envious and use passive aggression to punish this person for its happiness. Think of the waiter spitting in your dishes.
ScotsAlan:
Eorthisio.... why should you even consider if people below you envy you? Do you get a kick out of people.kowtowing to you because you are rich? Does that not make you a 2hao too ?
earthizen:
Yup, plenty of these are in the low income group, many are women in their 40s & up, in menopause. BUT, if you think it is this simple you are in for a surprise, these days guys and girls alike, young, middle, old age, anyone can be a serial 'killer', their number is growing unfortunately. It is war, worldwide.
How do you guys respond to those passive aggressive workers to finally get what you went there for in the first place?
earthizen:
The 'standard protocol', in the past, is to show empathy. Say things like, "busy day you have". These days, it doesn't work as well. Say that and you get the snap, "you have eyes" . Still, you can give it a try. If it doesn't work, then there is no choice but to declare war. Find out their weak spots, press deep into it. What else, since your question is 'I need it'?
The facial expressions some female front desk workers have really put me in a bad mood- the one where they look like they just sucked on a lemon, for example.
I don't expect or even like fake smiles and "have a nice day,". A neutral facial expression would be fine.
