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Q: How to survive living with your in-laws?
Two bedroom flat with my wife, son, the in-laws and a baby on the way. It's kind of cramped. They're good folks, but i'm only human and admit to being tested at times. It's little things like finding plastic bags tucked into every crevice (the mother-in-law is thrifty and saves literally 'everything'), or having stuff moved around when you like things the way they are. Then there are the stirring, revolutionary anthems that get played at high decibels when least expected. (There's one in fact which sounds like 'The Vienna Boys Choir' hacking the hell out of 'Waltzing Matilda'). The mother-in-law's pants hanging out to dry and taking up the entire balcony. The mother-in-law clearing her throat in the morning. The mother-in-law leaving the bathroom door open when she goes for a pee at 3am, just as i'm coming in from having a beer on the balcony to have one myself. (Yeesh, that actually sent a small shiver down my spine). The mother-in-law having a telephone conversation.
So.........how to cope?
PS:Excuse the 'How to...?' form of the question; i've taught students that it is incorrect 1000 time, but I feel like letting my hair down and just.....y'know.....going a little crayyyzayyy tonight. Feels good.
11 years 13 weeks ago in Family & Kids - China
It's a complicated thing,I hope they are not staying with you guys all the time,just a short period of time.as you said,your wife is pregnant again ,Your son is under 2 years old and you have to work,suppose If they did not come to help you guys, you need to hire an Ayi and It costs money,what's more,it's so hard to find someone who you can trust. Sometimes,we can not expect people to do things the way we like especially old people and from different countries,it's even more difficult. you know,When I was in Sydney,We were living with my mother in law,even not a long time,I Sometimes feel like living in a hotel cause I have to be careful with everything there, My mother in law is a very nice woman.It's just not like at our house in Guangzhou here.
It's all about compromise.
mArtiAn:
你不是说你想跟我说中文吗？Haha, actually don't bother, i'm happy to study in my own time and pace. But yeh, it's all about compromise, and truth be told i'd rather have them here than not, they help with everything. In fact I don't think I want them to leave, especially when the next kid comes. But ohhhhh, those knickers, they're enormous.
maggiegirly:
呵呵，我想和你说中文呢，主要是我写得太多了，怕你看得很吃力呢。很高兴看到你的回复。其实吧，和老人家住在一起，多多少少会有些不方便的，睁一只眼闭一只眼吧（like a chinese slang lol),家和万事兴。
对了，多叫叫爸爸妈妈，他们一定会喜欢的。
You let relatives stay with you? I don't think they even wrote an Inlaws for Dummies book, thats how dumb that is. Only one way out, stay on your balcony, relax, drink all your beers, then when you have none, you have no reason to live. JUMP off your balcony. Aim for the center of the fountain. For extra zaniness, load your clothing with pennies.
mArtiAn:
Come on, you love the zaniness, be honest now, you'd cry tears like October cabbages if you didn't have one of my posts about ferrets hand-gliding through fields of banana truffles once a day, and you know it. No fountain to jump into below my apartment though, just a couple of e-bikes and a load of rats. Good job there's a gate across the window stopping me, 'cause one more experience of standing up drunk to find my head inside the mother-in-laws knickers hanging from the line above me and it could be pavement pizza, splat amongst the rats time.
TedDBayer:
I think you can make a hang-glider from motherinlaw knickers and beer cans, check out utube.
We own two apartments and the outlaws ( in-laws) are living in the one for the winter months, there from the north of China.
Can you rent a bigger apartment, one perhaps that has two balconies to dry clothing? That would resolve your knickers problem anyway.
My mother-in-law has lived with my wife and I since day 1 in China. One of the biggest keys to getting along is not speaking a common language. I ignore her, she ignores me and everyone is happy.
Actually, my mother-in-law is a very sweet woman. She has been a pediatrician for 30 years and that really helped when the boys were young. And she treats me well, so I really can't complain.
The only one that has a hard time with it, is my wife. Sometimes those two really get into it.
derek:
Yes John...same here. The thing that drives me crazy is the absolutely horrendous shouting matches they have. Usually 4 or 5 a week. I can count on one hand the number of arguments I have had in the past 5 years. Gives me a headache!
You've got to get a bigger place, and I would strongly recommend you get somewhere with a 'personal space' for you (and probably for your wife and in-laws) even if it's only a balcony or a bedroom. Somewhere you can study, or smoke, or dream, or play with yourself, just somewhere you can get away from the chaos, even if it's only for a short time, and as I've said, that applies to all of your extended family.
mArtiAn:
A private space is important, it's true; I have to use the balcony when I want to play with myself, and i'm beginning to get dirty looks off the neighbours.
Scandinavian:
remember, when finding personal space. when mother in law has to hang up her undies, she will walk through your personal space unless you can securely lock yourself in
(I am just guessing, a hypothetical situation that has never happened in our apartment)
Hugh.G.Rection:
mArtiAn, I thought they'd be taking pictures, after all, we all know how 'well endowed' all westerners are!
Talking of which, do you still want that contact for the XXS condoms?
mArtiAn:
You gave me that contact already, remember? I called them but they said you'd emptied their stock.
I hope you set down some ground rules with your wife before they moved in: i.e setting a move in-move out date for the inlaws. If not, they're there until the end of their days. You can't after a year or so, suddenly say "thanks for taking care of our kids but I don't want you to stay here anymore." If they have no intention of moving out and you and your wife can't bring it to tell them to leave, then your only option is moving abroad with the wife and kids (without the in-laws obviously).
mArtiAn:
When the time comes we'll just sneak off in the middle of the night. Either that or just change the locks one day when they're out shopping.
I feel sorry for you. I used to be in your shoes before. When we came to China 12 years ago we had to share an apartment with my in - laws. It was a nightmare because Chinese don't understand what privacy means. It was exactly how you described it - underwear hanging everywhere, loud, very loud TV working 24 hours a day, Peking opera that was making me deaf, etc. I started looking for a job which would provide a dorm room, that was the solution. Normally colleges provide their foreign teachers with accommodation, they also allow your immediate family to live with you but your in-laws are not allowed to live on campus
Just find a job in a college or university, move there with your family & leave in-laws behind.
My son is 12 years old, he grew up here on campus. We go to see my in-laws twice a year, but we never live together.
mArtiAn:
Haha, cheers, it's not 'that' bad though. Except maybe the knickers. I still wake up some nights with my head wrapped in a sheet, terrified that i'm caught up in a pair of those ginormous undies.
