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Posts: 2

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Q: I am a female dealing with a Chinese guy's crazy ex-girlfriend, do you have advice?

I am a American girl dating a Chinese guy from Harbin. We have no language problems, because my Chinese is fairly good and because his English is not bad (he was educated in Europe). His ex-girlfriend is also from Harbin. They apparently dated last year, but they broke it off because my boyfriend was living in Sweden at the time (he is a Swedish citizen, but he came back to continue his education here). 

He explained to me that he came back to Harbin without telling her, but she somehow figured it out and has been bothering him since. A week before Christmas, I met his parents and their overall opinion of me was that I was "nice, pretty and spoke good Chinese." On Christmas day, while I was visiting my mom who came to China to visit me, I received a Chinese message from my boyfriend on my WeChat and on my phone: "I have come to the conclusion that I still love my ex-girlfriend from Harbin. Let's break-up." It was sent in the morning, and my phone number and WeChat contact information was deleted from his phone. He explained later that it was his ex-girlfriend who did this and that the only reason that he met with her was that she would not stop harassing him.

She also apparently found out my WeChat information and phone number. So after sending me numerous, numerous WeChat messages ending with me blocking her, she started sending me messages through a texting app that makes it where I would not know her number and sending me private phone calls (which I haven't picked up). The (translated) messages have been sent consistently the past few days and are along the lines of this: "He is not busy, he is just not willing to meet you." "(my name), you are so pitiful." "He doesn't love you. He will just find a lot of different girlfriends."

My boyfriend has said that he already told her to leave us alone. But I don't know if he is doing enough. For instance, I have blocked her on WeChat, and I am planning to change my Chinese phone number. 

Does anyone else have experience with this? I think the main problem is that he is considered a really big catch (高富帅), so she is really unwilling to give him up. Also, she has met his parents before. I will be here for the next semester, but afterwards, I have to stay in America for a year to complete my degree. I am planning to come back to East Asia afterwards to work, but I am worried about this girl. His opinion of her, however, is that she is crazy. 
 

8 years 11 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Has this guy changed his phone number so the ex gf can't contact him?

If not, why not?

 

Why do only you have to do the phone number changing?

 

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8 years 11 weeks ago
 
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Has this guy changed his phone number so the ex gf can't contact him?

If not, why not?

 

Why do only you have to do the phone number changing?

 

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8 years 11 weeks ago
 
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make it clear to the other girl, that you have the house, the car, and the money, and you only want the guy because he is great in bed, the other girl wants financial security, an atm machine, she will dump him immediately.

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8 years 11 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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by doing nothing.

 

you wanna deal with her? come on, don't let her drag you down to her level.

 

no one likes some crazy women like that. 

 

change your phone number if you have to. if the guy's enjoying watching women fight for him by letting her know your new number again. considering change a boyfriend.

Nessquick:

surely the case here i guess. while filled with  western education and being Swedish citizen, making him really valuable :)

8 years 11 weeks ago
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8 years 11 weeks ago
 
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I had a similar situation with a girl here.

 

I had a girlfriend and one day I started getting phone calls from someone saying he was her boyfriend and I should get out of her life.

When I called her directly after his call she was upset and said he took her phone and found my number, but there was no reason to believe him, he was a stalker who wouldn't go away. Yet he had her phone and was answering her calls.

 

I went with the assumption she was playing both of us and gave up on that relationship. I don't hold anything against her, she was under huge pressure from her family to marry and was doing what she thought was right, interviewing several candidates to see who was better on paper for the job. It's the culture,sell your daughter to the highest bidder.

But, it's not mine and I wanted no part of that sick shit so we broke up.

 

Sorry to say it, but I think your boyfriend is doing the same thing. She has your wechat details and phone number because he still lets her look through his phone history. Something I have learned since is that until you are married here, you keep juggling as many relationships as you can hoping one will be the cash cow that will provide for your parents. She is still on the scene because he keeps her on the scene.

 

 

 

 

 

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8 years 11 weeks ago
 
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Yeesh, how about just telling her to screw off or you will call the cops lol? Oh right, it's China... I left three months ago and I forgot China is the land of nonsense logic.

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8 years 11 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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hey, okay. so because of this you created new account, and while asking bunch of non-chinese people here, to make clear we understand your means you use the chinese terms ... good idea. 

 

 and, btw, jia jou, you will win that fight Smile

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8 years 11 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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He is not as international as you thought, kick him to the curb

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8 years 11 weeks ago
 
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I agree with the comments above. Something doesn't add up. How did she obtain access to his phone to send you the original message? I've been in a relationship for 6 months, and my GF doesn't know the password to my phone. I would NEVER give an EX access, especially during a "hey, its really over" meetup.  Do you have his password? Can you send messages on his wechat?

 

I think you're being played. Sorry.

berrycrusher66:

She probably went through his phone whilst he went for his after sex pee.

8 years 10 weeks ago
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8 years 11 weeks ago
 
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And my opinion of you is that you are crazy.  At least you would be to continue with this bloke who clearly can't get his shit together.

 

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8 years 11 weeks ago
 
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I think - you should go to your BF, and tell him to deal with this shit! If he's got balls, he needs to start using them.

 

It's quite possible, as the others above hinted at, that because you're not Chinese, his parents don't want you two together, and they've said that to him (and maybe even to her!).

 

So - he either mans up (do you want to be with a MAN, or just a boy?) and deals with her effectively... or if he won't be a man, then dump him for someone who is!

 

And - as for the above - I too agree! WTF is she doing with your contacts???? (wechat I can understand... although he's an idiot. It means he hasn't changed his password from before, and she knows it, and so has hacked his account and gotten your details. But phone number??)

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8 years 11 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Miss, can you think with your brain for a second please?

 

YOU ARE A RELATIONSHIP AIRBAG!!

 

Under no circumstances can anyone get access to my phone without going through me. An ex-girlfriend? No way. Unless of course she knew my screen-lock pattern and she stalked my phone during my sleep. Then I'd be asked, will you really be sleeping with an ex? Hmmmm...

 

Maybe, there's this very slim chance that she drugged him...That'll be the first thing he'll tell you, isn't it?

 

The truth here is: HE IS NOT OVER HIS EX, AND YOU ARE USED.

 

He knows, better than anyone that he can get around this. You are American and thus you have independent personality and he'll be using all those cultural differences as cover, to have 2 women as his girlfriends, for him to better negotiate the price he must pay to get a wife, but only if that's what he really wanted.

 

'She was coming on to me.' That's what he always says. '"She was so sexy. She was asking for it." 

 

You see what I mean? 

nzteacher80:

Congratulations Uniqlo,

 

You gave a somewhat coherent answer to a question without referring to genitalia or intercourse. Well done.

8 years 10 weeks ago
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Englteachted:

OMFG Vocky is smarter than all the other posters!

8 years 10 weeks ago
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Uniqlo:

thanks courtney. 

8 years 10 weeks ago
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8 years 10 weeks ago
 
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Reputation is everything out here, so you need to expose her, post her life and pictures and stories about her and use the evidence shes given you to back it up, than make sure she gets it so she knows that its time to back down.. use wehcat moments, weibo, facebook and all others.. Trust me reputation is very import here. Your man should know her family and contact information to help expose her..

WooMow:

I'd be hesitant to involve her family, the apple never falls far from the tree...

 

I've found embarrassing a Chinese person commonly escalates things and causes unpredictable, sometimes violent, actions.

8 years 10 weeks ago
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8 years 10 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Begin flirting with her father. Once he starts sending sexts back then you can send them to her mother and cause untold chaos.

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8 years 10 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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are you really american??smiley

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8 years 10 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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OP is full of BS. Has not replied nor added any new info.

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8 years 10 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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OP is full of BS. Has not replied nor added any new info.

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8 years 10 weeks ago
 
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The best way to forget a guy is to find another. Find her a boyfriend!

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8 years 10 weeks ago
 
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You are clearly Chinese practicing your writing , very good. Your story makes no sense

bill8899:

Finally, someone said it.

8 years 7 weeks ago
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8 years 10 weeks ago
 
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The luckiest Chinese guy in China - he banged a western girl hahaha

 

has neither one of learned that your smartphone has the ability to block contacts. As does Wechat , you can block and delete someone 

 

"Stupid is , as stupid does" Forest Gump

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8 years 10 weeks ago
 
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