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anonymous
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Q: I hate match maker in Spring Festival ,is it in your country have something like that ?

I am a Chinese girl,Spring Festival is an very important festival in China ,just like Chirismas in Europe ,but sometimes ,as a troditional Chinese ,as a 27 years old single  girl ,i hate Spring Festival ,we have to be arranged by match maker ,it really make me crazy ,does it in your county have match maker for the single gril ,especially for the unmarry and over 25 years old gril and boys ?When will the get married normally ? 

Sorry for my poor English.

5 years 42 weeks ago in  Relationships - Guangzhou

 
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Governor

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Ahhh man that sucks for you. I would hate it to. Don't think my parents would ever dare do that to me. 

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5 years 42 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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Matchmakers in Europe are non-existent, people are excepted to find love by themselves. Parents might be worried about their son/daughter being single, but then they will say something "you never bring back a bf/gf, why don't you go out and meet people ?"
 

 

 

PS : Quite a few people on this forum live and work in China for years, and know the importance of Spring Festival, and the "special" aspects of life in China Wink

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5 years 42 weeks ago
 
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I feel sorry for you , Surly as a person you have your own thoughts that are right for you. What do you want ? to be paired up with the first Wang that turns up or a enduring relationship with somebody ? or maybe you are happy just being you and like being single? as for the age thing , it does not really matter these days in most places . Its your life do what you think is best for you.   good luck

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5 years 42 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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i know CNY is very pressured for single people, but if parents genuinely love their child, they will not force them into something they are unhappy with.

But it is sad when people put 'tradition' before happiness.

i am lucky in that i have never been under pressure from my family: 

marriage is such an important step in life that finding the right person is essential.

 

"marry in haste, repent at leisure"

 

i hope you have the courage to face your family as a single girl and hold out for the right man, not just the first man. 

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5 years 42 weeks ago
 
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I believe Jewish families have similar behaviours to Chinese with regards to matchmaking (but nowhere near ashysterical), but my knowledge is admittedly based on TV shows only. A half-Jewish friend of mine says there was relatively little resistance from his Catholic mom when he said he was gay, though since his father is already passed away, I dunno if that's an authentic Jewish reaction.

I've been called upon by friends of my wife to provide suitable dating partners for a Chinese woman; it's automatically expected that people know and introduce singles to eachother here. But I don't know any, really. I was scolded for showing a lack of effort towards meeting the needs of this "important acquaintance" of my wife. The two Americans I approached about it thought the whole idea was pathetic, and that the woman was desperate if she needed matchmakers.

In China, matchmaking is widely accepted and practiced, but I'm far more inclined towards the western method of finding your own partner when the time is right. Not only are Chinese being cowardly by not taking the step themselves (do you need reassurances of trustworthiness to go on a date?), the whole hysteria involving childbearing puts women in an overvalued position where they are being petulent and selfish. It's destroying the foundation of civil society when feminine values like safety and stability take precedence over morality and fairness.

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5 years 42 weeks ago
 
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Matchmaking doesn't exist in Europe. A friend might say something like "hey you should meet my friend ...." but parents stay out of it. 

That being said. One of my wifes friends she has been on a string of awful dates arranged by her mother. No quality control and zero potential for a match. It's not matchmaking at all. 

I think if your matchmaker is good, he/she will understand what kind of person suits you, and then the concept is OK. 

 

You are probably still living with your parents, right. This would be another difference to western societies (Italy excepted where men never leave their mommies) By living with your parents you are subject to their influence. 

 

Best thing to do is to go out and look for a partner yourself, if you feel ready that is. 

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5 years 42 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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The UK does not have matchmakers, but I think there is a tradition of matchmaking in some Irish towns. This is just done as a bit of fun these days.  Actually, I just found this:

 

http://www.matchmakerireland.com/newsite/history/

 

The pressure put on 25 year plus people to marry annoys me. I know people in this situation.  They are in the prime of their lives and they are worried sick by the pressure put on them to marry. My wife's cousin (29 year old male), is desperate to get married so he has a girl to take home this CNY.  He got engaged about 4 times last year to different girls introduced by relatives.  Every time was the same, engaged by the third date and split up within 2 weeks.  The reason for the split-ups was the same too: some relative of one or the other did not approve of the match.

 

There is far too much pressure in China to conform. It's a shame really, because most of the people I know who are really happily married met each other when they were both above 30 years old.  Most of the people I know who married in their 20's are divorced.

 

Best of luck to the OP for their visit home this CNY wink

 

 

 

 

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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Match Maker? Hell no! My mama ain't gonna live with the girl, I am so why search for me? Man you gotta decide for yaself, ain't nobody know what's good for me.

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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Match Maker? Hell no! My mama ain't gonna live with the girl, I am so why search for me? Man you gotta decide for yaself, ain't nobody know what's good for me.

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1633

Shifu

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Canada doesn't have matchmakers like that either.............and another thing regarding the anonymous post...............Spring Festival is in no way like Christmas.

In my lifetime, I can't say I ever had a "boring" Christmas. Spring Festival is a hit or miss at best.

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Some things that are acceptable in one culture, may be unacceptable in other cultures; and vice versa.

Arranged marriages are not uncommon in some parts of the world, especially some Asian countries like India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka.

Families and friends can arrange for two people to meet but the final decision to get married should not forced / thrust upon a person. 

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5 years 39 weeks ago
 
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Your English is fine.  Some religious communities in the US still have something like  matchmakers.  It is hoped that they will find a partner within their own community.  "Set ups" are fairly common, but friends (not parents) will probably do that.  They are just a chance to meet someone, and it's unlikely anyone will feel pressured.  

 

Can I give you some advice?  Just be honest with yourself, your family, the matchmaker, and your date.  You might have an OK time if you don't take it very seriously.  

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5 years 30 weeks ago
 
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A: Going to HK would be the best bet I reckon, especially if you were loo
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