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Q: I have been invited to attend a family celebration, any advice?

i have been invited to attend '百天' : the celebration of 100 days after the birth of a baby.

Can you please advise on what i should expect: such as gifts i should bring etc

 

is gift money expected?

 

10 years 13 weeks ago in  Culture - China

 
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If you've been invited, then, of course, money is expected. Depending on the parents, you may also want to have some high-quality baby clothes be sent from home, imported milk powder, etc.

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10 years 13 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Hohoho....a red packet (hong bao) will be in order....depending on how close you are with the inviter. If you are a direct relation, no less than 1,000RMB, close relatives and friends (aunt, uncle, cousin) 500RMB, distant relatives and friends 200RMB will do. There is no need for other gifts but to show our foreigner custom perhaps a toy can be added for good measure. The feast will last for about an hour with drinking, shouting and lots of fire crackers! How elaborate the party will be depends on how well off the family is. Enjoy! 

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10 years 13 weeks ago
 
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thanks guys.

unfortunately no time for gifts from home as suggested by Sinobear. 

Hong bao is in order then  

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10 years 13 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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I second what louis says. 200 or 300 will suffice.

10 years 13 weeks ago
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Honestly, I think you could get away with giving them nothing because you are a foreigner haha... 

 

But money is always good, but they may try to reject it from you (just a way of being polite) just insist and then they will take it. 

 

If you need a quick idea for some more warming gifts... vitamins for the baby or something related to health is considered great gifts (baby may be too young so you can get it for the mother, tell her it is for her to recovery her strength after having the baby, this is a very thoughtful gift in China). Fruit would also work. I would give one of those and some money if they are close or you want to make an impression. 

sorrel:

excellent ideas !!

10 years 13 weeks ago
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Shifu

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My baby has her 100 day thing this Thursday. We are not inviting anyone. It's a close family thing. Plus they know I think it's idiotic.

 

Anyway, I suggest 200RMB if you don't know them too well. It looks like you are being invited to provide the family with a bit more 'face'.

royceH:

You're correct, Mike.  It is definitely idiotic. But congratulations to you and your little one.

 

10 years 13 weeks ago
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just this weekend I was involved in a family thing.....not 100 day baby, but Qingming Festival. Day one, I refused to go out for dinner. My wife and family went out and bought almost ridiculous amounts of seafood (expensive stuff, even here) and cooked it here at home. Brother-in-law is/was the "shopper" ... food all gone and I saw everybody handing him 100RMB bills .....not my wife, she did the cooking, mostly. Day two ... no more cooking ..... going to a restaurant that they know I like....very good place, clean and "delicious", and for the most part you can eat what is delivered to your table (i.e. not too much spitting bones)......but

again But ...  a different brother-in-law  paid the bill.....I asked my wife why we, meaning she, didn't pay the damn bill. No doubt we can afford it better than they can. she shrugged it off as, lucky us.

This kind of thing has taken a couple years  .....  they don't expect us (me and my wife) to pay for every flipping thing. I have over time, let them know this.

 

A baby thing... baby only turns 100 days old once ...."can't do it to you again" , and baby's are special, no matter where you come from....  whatever you are comfortable with giving is my response....  don't succumb to pressure ...  200 good, 500 lots, 1000 must be a guy you like in the family.

 

I am "Uncle" to the only baby born within my family since I been here....  I have worked hard at trying to figure out how to get my niece a bank account (college fund) (she is 1 now) ...can't be done, not even overseas, yet...  

BHGAL:

my reason for the desire, for the bank account.

Mom spends ridiculius amounts of 10-30- 100RMB on taobao .....like a daily thing....on her daughter... I think these silly bits of clothing and STUPID  baby things should be used 17-20 years from now

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it is ok about the 'face' thing.

it is for the cousin of a family i known for a while and i am happy to be included

 

another question:

do i give the gift to the mother as soon as i arrive or when?

 

louischuahm:

You give it to the person who invited you. Be sure to note how much you gave because at another baby thing the amount you give will be compared and if it's different people will gossip about it. 

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a big plastic "baby bottle" piggy bank .. money for the kid, nobody else ..

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Bad luck. Can you get out of it?

If you can't, or you're actually keen to go, then give the mum a small gift.  Anything else just plays into their money grubbing hands.

 

 

sorrel:

i actually want to go, as it is the cousin of a good friend

i have been warned that the other relations will probably be just plain curious, so i know what i am letting myself in for 

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The cousin of a good friend.......only in China!

Scandinavian:

that is how you maximize hong bao and if you can get a white face there, you literally buy face. 

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Shifu

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the only time I attended it's one of my best friend's daughter's 百天 in 2010,since we know each other pretty well,so,I spent a lot of time checking the clothes to make sure it's something she would like, finally, I bought some clothes for her daughter and a toy,it cost me under 500 RMB,she liked my gifts so much, even said to me,it's something she wanna get rather than money and I agreed.

everyone is different,some people love clothes ,toys or something like that  like my friend,and some people love money.so,You have to figure out what your friend likes.

Hope you have a good time.

sorrel:

thanks

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