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Q: I made a girlfriend last night, but I don't remember how, any help?
I met this 20 year old girl last month at 公园前 here in Guangzhou. We talked for several hours, had dinner together, since then we talk on QQ every other day. Recently, this girl said she liked me. I just started avoiding her at that point.
Last night she called me and said she cannot stop thinking about me and is in love. I told her she was crazy. After a long talk, I thought I had dissuaded her from her interest in me. However, for some reason, this afternoon she is now calling me her boyfriend.
I readily admit to taking cold medicine and drinking a bottle of Black Label last night. She and I talked on QQ this afternoon and she is now calling me 'honey,' 'sweetheart,' etc.. She's a nice girl. I avoided her for this exact reason. I'm guessing I said something wrong last night and there was some misunderstanding. Anyone have any advice? I don't know how to handle Chinese girl.. or any girls.
10 years 1 week ago in Relationships - China
I am gonna say you might be at an advantage not know how to handle girls generally. If this wasn't the case, the first piece of advice would have been "forget anything you know about girls from your life before China"
Now. Ask yourself this. Do you like her ?
If yes, invite her out for dinner tonight.
If no, invite her out for a cup of bubbletea sometime next week to set her expectations straight.
If in doubt, try to spend more time with her, see where it goes.
There might be a point to not making it a threesome between You, the girl and your friend Johnny W. As much as I am a strong advocate of being slightly hammered all the time, keep it limited. Alcohol moves decision making from the top floor to the lower areas.
She probably already announced her interest in you to friends. You are expected to become her BF now, and a straight NO is unheard of. Since they can't process the lack of consideration for someone's face/embarassment, the fact that you're not actively avoiding her is seen as enough evidence that you in fact do accept her as your GF. Sorrel also mentioned how irritating Chinese men can be, not understanding NO and just continuing down the predetermined path.
"NO. I'm not interested."
"That's nice, sweetheart. THis is my best friend; he can tell you what a catch I am. Tomorrow you'll meet more friends, and next week we'll meet my parents."
"NO."
"Aha. See you tomorrow, then."
"No" means "Yes", but "Yes" means "Yes" if the person wants to hear "Yes". Anything about reason or objective reality is out of question. That's how they roll here. Congrats on your new girlfriend. I hope you guys will have a good time together. She might speak about wedding & settling down rather soon, no panic, it's how they roll too (yes, there exceptions blabla, <usual disclaimers here>).
Vallyntin:
Yeah, she already talked about moving in with me. That ain't gonna happen. I haven't had my hand in the honeypot yet. No guilt there.
CharlieB:
Tell her your wife will not accept her moving in, and then ask to borrow some money. That should do the trick.
You met a 20 years old girl (Chinese time), which means you met a 12 years old girl (international conversion). At no point did you realize that when you had dinner or conversation?
Vallyntin:
I wasn't really thinking very deeply on the matter of her age. I'm a foreigner that speaks Chinese and I often feel lonely. A person is respectful to me and want's to chat, and I had the time, so I chatted with her. That's acceptable anywhere.
RiriRiri:
Don't take this the wrong way, but for a foreigner who can speak Chinese, you don't seem to know much about the Chinese.
Honestly, if you know the language and have her QQ, you have all the tools in the world you need to make the situation perfectly clear for both of you.
In relations or business, Chinese always seem vague to foreigners because they know how take advantage of the linguistic confusion. If you communicate in Chinese well enough, there is no escape and no dark spot, no room for confusion and no excuse to be had.
You shouldn't be in trouble at all.
Scandinavian:
Is your conversion done this way
<Girls Age> DIVEDED 0 (Zero)
---- Crash and reboot ----
<Previous value> ADD 12
???
Don't put all the blame on the girl and Chinese culture. By having long talks with her, taking her out to dinner and regularly chatting on QQ you gave her reason to believe you were interested. Yeah its kind of odd she would announce that to everyone but its not at all odd that she would think you were interested. Now If you are not then you need to make it clear ASAP and then stop this kind of behavior. Otherwise you will be in bigger trouble with her and likely encounter the same situations in the future.
Vallyntin:
Yeah, I get what you mean. In the USA it's okay to have female friends that you can talk to a lot without any strings attached. Here, talking frequently has some deeper connotation.
Some of my answer would depend on whether you touched her sexually.
If yes, then you have to hang with her a least a few more times. Then let her down with a "I have to leave China for a few weeks" and go on tech darkness until she figures it out.
If no, then you just have to man up and stop taking her calls altogether. Yeah, she might raise hell for a couple days but it'll subside.
As a lady, I have always preferred a nice, considerate white lie to the truth, when it comes to break-ups. There is NO right way to tell someone you're not into them. It's way better to make up an excuse ("I have hepatitis!!") and save your own conscience and her face.
Vallyntin:
We had one dinner. And that was because we met in a subway station while looking for our dinners. She talked to me first, I talked back. Then we talked longer. We both got hungry, so I said eat together. And NO TOUCHING. 
All good replies, here's the thing. There is a girl here that I do REALLY REALLY LIKE. I speak almost fluent Chinese, so I often make many new male and female friends. The girl that I like also likes me, but she is, how do you say.. a little underage right now? 17 to be exact. I'm trying to keep up with her for a few more years and then have a real girlfriend.
From reading everyone's posts, maybe I should just turn her on her head and say NO. The girl I really do like has been a friend for more than a year now and when she starts university I want to be her bf. I know from a moral standpoint it's not great to read that I am chasing a high school girl while a 20 year old thinks she is my girlfriend, but.. actually I am deeply in love with the other girl. So I guess there is no choice but to hurt someone. damn. 
Scandinavian:
How old are you ? 17 is a bit young even if you're only in early 20ies.
xinyuren:
in love with a 17 year old? chinese girl??? do you have the brain of a pea???
....oh, yur a chinese boy.
"I'm American and a veteran of Afghanistan and Iraq. You think western people are more civilized? I've seen 'good ole' country boys raised all Christian like' act like freaking animals"
Further proof that this statement you made is a lie. "I made a gf", is chinglish.
DrMonkey:
If you're wrong => you sound like a paranoid
If you're right => you sound like someone very much on the defensive
Even if he's just playing a character and the whole story is fake, just play the game ! If somebody is talking non-sense, just point out the bullshit and dismount the argument, politely. And no, a syntax/grammar error alone is no touchstone. Don't be on the defensive, just wait, all relaxed and chilled-out, quietly ready for anything to come, <joke>Like a true alpha male would do it</joke> ^^
icnif77:
OP is 'Gaelic' and more!
Irish say 'No surrender' at the morning greeting
They are a bit different!
DrMonkey:
@Vallyntin Well, you mentioned in an other topic being a US war veteran of two theatres of operation. And now you say you speak Chinese fluently and mention your personal stories. It's all plausible... but Internet being Internet and China being China, it is to be taken with a zest of scepticism ;)
Vallyntin:
Although the nature of my anonymity urges me to in some way defend myself by insulting your niggerish way of imploring others to believe that I am a Chinese, I will instead give you kudos for referencing one of my past posts. I guess you do have a brain. Also, your avatar is strongly appealing... 
Englteachted:
DrMonkey: If I said I was a French spy and I witnessed other French spies raping 5 year olds and shooting nuns, would you like that?
Vallyntin:
@Dr: Yeah I get where you're coming from. Also I know people on this forum are always on the hunt for a Chinese troll. I don't really care if this cunt believes my words or not. Anyone visiting Guangzhou is welcome to discover the truth. I got the battle scars to support myself and the white monkey passport to prove I'm a yank. Any other sucka arse jizzle can eat a fat d1ck! (I'm listen to Dr. Dre now, so that's where the last part come from).
DrMonkey:
@Englteacthed Top that with 1 village burned to the ground. Yet, I would still be behind a screen sipping a coffee. You would still be being behind a screen, being a man, a woman, a dog, anywhere on the globe. I won't go apeshit over outrageous shenanigans, it's just the Internet being Internet. I would shake my head, a facepalm and move on. Eventually, if you kept making up stories, it would little by little become obvious, with more than a few typos and one bombastic claim to back it up. If V. is a puppet, well, let it be a puppet, it will look like a puppet soon enough.
But don't say bad stuffs about my mom !!!
Shining_brow:
And, if true, it would make him... how old? Chasing after a 17 year old he's in love with...
Vallyntin:
It would make me 29. And yes I know I am a morally despicable rotten to the core monster of a mothafuka piece of douche-bag shiat because I love a 17 year old girl. Hopefully and god willing someone will crucify because I kindly and respectfully wait for the girl whom also loves me to mature a little more and come into her own before being a real legit lover. It's so reprehensible isn't it?
Englteachted:
"If you're an American and didn't like my comment about soldiers raping young girls. I can understand how you feel. The Chinese way of dealing with anything unattractive is to hide it, bury it, act like it never happened. I wrote what I wrote because that was my past experience. I don't know your nationality or who you are as a person. You can make your own mind up on what happened in Iraq and Afghanistan. I suspect if you were ever a solider you would be defensive about what I said, but you would also know it does and has happened. And if you were never a soldier, then all you can make your mind up about comes from outside sources; nothing personally experiential.
To be frank, I was dishonorably discharged for taking revenge on the people that slaughtered my best friend; a fellow devil dog . I have no high ground to stand on, but I can speak for my experience. As for what you say about me online- do as you like."
More proof, I am not going to correct you anymore. And please do not send me PMs.
My question to you is this, who did you report it to? There are departments in the military and agencies outside the military that accepts reports like that.
You are wrong, because I haven't served is why I take great offense to some Chinese hired mouthpiece claiming to be a soldier in order to tarnish their image. Yes some soldiers have done some rotten shit , but claiming to be one in order to lie and throw mud on them is unacceptable. American soldiers moreso than anyone give their lives for people in other countries. And Americans along with our gov screws them over.
Englteachted:
29 chasing after a 17 year old, and proudly proclaiming it. And talking about seeing fellow soldiers raping a 7 year old. Don't you see he is here to make foreigners look like child molesters, as claimed by confirmed wumao Justin!
Scandinavian:
@Engtangled: To be fair he says he knows she is too young and is aware that wiating a bit is the right thing to do.
17 & 29.... not cool. 27 & 39, then it is the stuff dreams are made of (with more bitching than most dreams have)
Spiderboenz:
Ok, if this dude is an ACTUAL vet who ACTUALLY deployed, even money says that he was commo (radio), a cook, mechanic, or some other non-combat MOS and didnt do crap.
When you know exactly what is it that you want from her, then you will know what to do and how, whether to keep or reject the relationship. It's simple as long as you are not complicated in your mind and heart.
I don't get it. You speak almost fluent Chinese but don't understand the culture?
How can that be?
damn, I came to this post thinking you actualized making a girlfriend like in the show Weird Science....
