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anonymous
Q: I think this guy is creepy and I'd like some opinions?
On Valentine's day I got a text from a “friend” (I also worked for her last semester) that her friend wanted to meet me. I said I was free, so she gave him my number. I'm not really ok with that, but I didn't say anything. He texts me using text speak, such as “H R U?” which I find to be stupid. He asks if I would like to have dinner with him. I think about it for a while, and after asking a different friend's advice, I say ok. My “friend” was supposed to go too, but she was busy, not that abnormal for her, but a little sketchy because she never said anything about it later, didn't apologize or anything. So anyway, I dress up. After all, it's Valentine's day. We go to a nice place, as nice as they are around here I guess, and had some “steak” (that's what they like to call it). We talked for hours; I tend to talk a lot when I feel uncomfortable.
Then we went to a nice bakery, although there was very little left because of it being night and a holiday. I saw that they had cheese, which they don't even have at Walmart, so I got some, and then he dropped me off outside of my apartment complex. The next morning he texts me good morning, which I don't answer. Later he texts and asks if I'm free again that night. I wait a while and decide it is ok. This time we went to a normal dumpling restaurant, a little hole in the wall. Then we were supposed to go for a foot massage, which, I don't know if that's a normal thing or not, but it makes me feel more uncomfortable, if that's possible.
We did get foot massage, but also regular massage (fully clothed, of course). It was relaxing, as much as a massage can be in China, where they also practically beat you. The two women massaging us were talking with him in Chinese. Sometimes they talked about me, which I expected, and I understand enough to know they were, although not much more. They were curious about whether I had a boyfriend, and they joked that he was a nice guy. Awkward. His massage, he stayed on his back the whole time. My massage, I turned over, and she massaged everything which I guess is normal, but he was in the room....? I was really uncomfortable about that, but I didn't say anything. I was also sleepy. After that, he dropped me off outside of my apartment compound again and said maybe we could hang out tomorrow. I said maybe.
First of all, this is the kind of guy who only wants to be friends with me because I'm a foreigner. He told me he has been friends with all the foreigners who have worked here. Gee, thanks? I'm pretty sure he likes me, because it's easy to tell when a guy likes you when you're not interested in him. I think he's really boring, and he's not even good looking, not even a little. Yesterday I thought I didn't want to see him for a few days, but now I feel like I never want to see him again. I don't like people spending money like that on me, and he makes me feel uncomfortable. I can tell we will never be friends.
This post is anonymous because I don't want pity or whatever. I just want your opinion. Am I overreacting? Is he creepy? Is this normal behavior? I don't feel comfortable mentioning this to my friends because I don't want them to worry about me. He texted me again today, and I didn't respond. Should I just say I'm busy every time he texts me from now on? What should I do?
12 years 9 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Not overracting at all. He sounds like a sleazeball, or at the very best someone who is completely unempathetic to foreigners and has some friggy preconcieved notions about what a foreigner woman should be like.
It's your personal choice who you want to spend time with and you're obviously pretty uncomfortable. Don't let any Chinese person pressure you into being around someone you don't want to be around.
If he makes you uncomfortable, why keep putting yourself through it? Trust your gut and bounce him.
"First of all, this is the kind of guy who only wants to be friends with me because I'm a foreigner. He told me he has been friends with all the foreigners who have worked here. Gee, thanks? I'm pretty sure he likes me, because it's easy to tell when a guy likes you when you're not interested in him. I think he's really boring, "
Uh, this para kind of makes you sound creepy. Seems to me he's just an awkward but well-meaning guy.
sounds like he is inexperienced and trying too hard, and therefore just trying to do everything he saw on some soap opera.
If its uncomfortable, then just let it go. You dont seem to have any interest in him, so any more will just give him reason to try harder, which will surely be more creepy
I think it's not normal to keep going out with a guy you don't like. Just tell him to buzz off, if you don't like being with him!
If you really don't care, tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. If you want to to let him down easy, tell him you are Lesbian (as in "it's not you, it's me!"), and not interested in seeing him again. If that turns him on, tell him you are a Lesbian, and criminally psychoic.
But the end result, if you feel uncomfortable, is, as Panda said, "bounce 'im" so hard, there is no chance of rebound!
Don't lead him on like that...
It doesn't matter where the guy's from there should be some compassion involved here.
i really dont buy your story. too many unneccessary details. you try to use some colloqial phrases but you dont use them correctly. but yet your grammar and spelling is outstanding.
may i ask where are you from? how long have you been here?
you speak of some common chinese behaivior as if it is something special.
and most importantly , your selling this story not telling it.
but then again i could be wrong.
there is nothing to this, how old are you? you ask advice of friends before accepting an invitation? you dont know how to send a guy signals that say you are not interested? you dont know how to fire of a text that explains want you feel. you dont know how to blow a guy off (carefully worded) . in my entire life i have never met a female that did not know how to do this.
i dont know your purpose in this but your english writing is good, your teachers should be proud. but you made some common mistakes that chinese student often make. if you PM me i'll correct them for you.
atomicneon:
You could use a little... a lot of spelling and grammar correction yourself "Crimochina".
crimochina:
yeah i'm not trying to pass myself off as something i'm not. improve your reading comprehension and then you would understand what i was referring to.
