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Posts: 41

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Q: If I marry a Chinese girl, will I be expected to financially support the in-laws?

..or would me bein a laowai cut the leeching to a bare minimum?

8 years 48 weeks ago in  Family & Kids - China

 
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Posts: 3046

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You do not marry a Chinese girl, you actually marry the whole family, and from wedding day onwards, since you will be consider rich, must provide help as needed, mostly in the form of cash.

Unfortunately, and this goes according to their way of thinking, family is a very loose term, and could include very close friends too, called "cousins", "brothers" or "sisters", "aunts" or "uncles" even if not blood related.

Maybe this is why a disclosure of finnancial condition is very important for groom prior to marriage, so everyone is clear and has accepted your views.

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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You will probably be expected to give some money to inlaws. However, you can speak to your wife about it beforehand, and figure out how much money you are willing to give. You also have to remember that most people in China have to retire before they are 60, so in the future they might need that money. In comparance, you are "rich," and they probably won't expect a lot of money.

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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You'll likely have to send some money every month. $100 a month or even less could be a huge help from a son in law who has an established career. 

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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they will expect you to give money, and they often make up situations (operations, schooling etc) your status as a foreigner will increase the demand because in china"all foreigners are rich". talking to your wife beforehand wont really help . the idea here is to not follow a previous arrangement or agreement. 

my advice wait 2 -3 years before having a child, if her family is placing too much demands on you then divorce her. each situation is different if her family is poor expect to pay early and often. if her family is wealthy or has many other children you maybe able to slide.

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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Depends a lot on the family's situation. I married a chinese girl who had more money than me, and her family can be considered wealthy. I only paid for a part of the wedding expenses, and it stopped there.

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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Considering her parents held a dinner with 500 guests that gave Hong bao in our honour and we weren't invited and got none of the money.....they are on their own. Especially since they had three daughters and did it for all of them. 

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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It really depends on the family.

Before we have a child, my wife would give some of her salary to her parents, but never my money. Now, with a child, we keep all the money.

Once her cousin wanted me to buy a computer for him, because I was a laowai....My wife sent him to hell for me.

You have to step in your relationship and don't let your Chinese wife or in-laws to justify anything by "it's a Chinese tradition"....It's difficult, but as for me, after two money-sucking girlfriend and their relatives, I finally find a wife that doesn't give a damn about money and never asked me to look after her parents or relative. But, things had to be cleared up since the beginning.

Then it's up to you.....but don't forget that a little is never enough, people always want more....

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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Yes, you will

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8 years 48 weeks ago

Before you judge someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you're a mile away and you have their shoes!

 
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Ive had the problem in reverse

 I got in trouble for wanting to put the hotwater system in and fixing up the bathroom

They never ask for anything and are just happy that their daughter and grandchildren come to visit

I couldnt ask for a more kind and considerate family.

you can find leaches and gold diggers anywhere in the world

as they say

Love is blind devil

 

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
Posts: 36

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It depends on what kind of girl you will marry.
Besides, i have to say, more and more chinese girls come to know that not all the expats are rich. So they don't expect a financial aid from them. But talking about citizenship, it will be another story:)

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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I married a chinese and it was the worst thing i ever did....she took alll my money put it in a bank a/c which i thought then was for both of us  how wrong i was  we seperated after 6 months now i learn that she spent all the money that was supposed to be ours.....be very careful women in china control the money and you....good luck

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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Looking after the in-laws (specifically, his/her parents) is a standard custom here (and in other countries too, I might add!).

 

The parents (and grand-parents) give their all to look after their children when they are growing up, supporting them through university - including giving them pocket-money - with the expectation that those children will look after them in their old age. As HappyExpat said, when you marry your spouse, you are also marrying the family... so yes, you would be expected to contribute! You could, of course, have your in-laws live with you, as so many Chinese have...

(NB: this is the theory!)

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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It totally depends on what kind of girl do you want to marry and what kind of family she comes from.

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
Posts: 961

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I agree with those who say it depends on the family. My partner's family I would not call rich but they are self sufficient and have never asked me for anything. They are also a large family.

If you happened to be involved with a single child from a very poor family then of course you would be expected to help. If your parents were doing it tough then you would help them would you not.

I think where you must draw the line is in being able to make a distinction between genuine help and the situation where your apparent wealth is being taken advantage of and expected so the family can live a much more extravagent lifestyle that to which they are accustomed. But then again it is how much money you have and the relative amount that it takes to accomplish this.

So when all is said and done it is a very complicated and individual decision.                I   

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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i never bought anything for my wifes parents, they are not rich but do own an apartment...her Mum is retired and her Dad is close...ive told them i wont give them money to support them as i wont give my own parents any either...

 

My wife says she will give alittle from her salary and thats ok...

 

I dont give any money to my wife, she buys her own clothes etc we buy food and pay for holidays together with both our salries...

 

If you accept the situation where you give them all money you obviously dont mind them taking it so dont complain!!

I never wanted to give money so i never accepted when anyone asked...now they stopped asking....

 

I would not mind if in the future when my wife and I buy a house together if her parents move in, it would save doing the house work and I would have someone to make a pack lunch for me everyday - but i would not like to move into their house as then i would be following their rules, if its my house its my rules....

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
Posts: 73

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Family comes first and foremost.  You come last.  You will soon be miserable if you do not accept this.

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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