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Posts: 133

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Q: Is it a big deal if I can't stand my boyfriend's Chinese family?

Just sayin as it is. I can't stand them. They're uneducated, vulgar, rude and disgusting. Every time I go to see them I just dread it. The problem is my boyfriend is really hell-bent on seeing them all the time. I dont know...it's a little weird how attached he is to them...maybe its the culture, not usre.

I'm an ABC, but my parents moved from Hong Kong when they were very young, so I speak Cantonese and that's it. I know next to nothing about the culture here, very little Mandarin. People can't understand that here, of course...so I get a lot of crap for lookin Chinese and not really being one.

12 years 33 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Posts: 7

Governor

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Yes, the joke is that you are a banana, yellow outside and white inside. but dealing with the family is very important if you want yr relationship to work. in the end he needs permission from his family to be with you. pressure is not as high as for girls but certainly Chinese boys do very little outside their family. You being a banana is both a little a prestige as well as a nuisance to them. you never become boy or gf to a person here when it gets serious, you are always bf or gf to the family, and somtimes to all of china. This is not America.

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 650

Shifu

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Why do u date him?
I guess if his family is that bad, he couldn't be much better.
And same people get along well, u r not same.

Although u look Chinese, u r not. Next time when people think u r Chinese, just tell them u r Japanese or Korean.

And it's true, relationship always involved with family for Chinese.

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 363

Shifu

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your pretty much screwed. nothing you can do about it. chinese are very close to their families. especially men. since they will take care of the old parents one day. i guess if you really want to be with this guy you'll just have to take it. he will never choose you over his family. and pretty much always do what his told.

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1006

Shifu

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Hey Ammia, pay no attention to wenna7, she's the product of family inbreeding... You're screwed though unfortunately,. the mothers tit never leaves the mouth of local men... HK men are completely different and are way cool on the other hand but mainland guys... Mama's milk is all they want... It would actually be worse after you marry you would become his mothers bitch/servant.... Run! RUN! R-U-N! Also on a side not, wenna7 said to not tell people you're Chinese, in fact you're likely more Chinese than she is, the cultural revolution wiped out any kind of culture that existed in China (they also learn a "different" version of facts and history), it's culturally void... HK on the other hand is alive and busting with the traditions and the best parts of being Chinese, you're blessed! So tell people, "my family is HK Chinese"... Are you in Guangdong by any chance?

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 133

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Hey Njord, thanks for the reply.

No, I'm in Beijing at the moment, though for how long, I don't know. I do prefer the South.

I don't know, I do love my boyfriend but it's very frustrating at the moment. The attachment to the family, and the presence of the family in our relationship is a little overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, my family's very tight too, but not like this. This is just...too much.

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12 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 650

Shifu

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Njord, it's so kind of u keep on proofing I am right!

Do u even know Chinese? U like Cantonese, and u r living in Guangzhou, u think u know Chinese?

I would say most of the foreigners I met in China r asshole (mostly male). And I guess I saw enough here.

U look more like product of family inbreeding. Look at ur profile photo……

AladinSane:

Proofing? You mean proving?

9 years 3 weeks ago
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12 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 37

Governor

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If u cant stand he family, u need to break! y stay if all his family u cant stand, because u have no future if u no like ur bf parents

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12 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 184

Governor

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U do not necessarily have to break if you and your bf can stay away from his parents. After all you and your bf should have your own life not to get his parents mingled with your life. Best solution will be to live in another city not the same city.

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12 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1006

Shifu

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wenna7, the resident 50cent.... Say what you like, you pretend to have traveled and have this opened mind when you have the tightest version of tunnel vision I've witnessed yet... I think the OP would simply be better with a HK man versus a mainland guy, my opinion but I'm 99% sure you're Wu Mao Dang (五毛党) and inbred. So in your opinion the Cantonese aren't "Chinese" is that correct?

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12 years 30 weeks ago
 
Posts: 650

Shifu

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What ever u say is right my dear~

And what does Wu Mao Dang mean? I don't even know that~

U r living in ur small world in Guangzhou.

Cantonese r Chinese, but Chinese r not only Cantonese.
How many Chinese do u know? 1billion? That's even not 1/10 of Chinese my dear. Wink

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12 years 30 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1932

Emperor

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Just grit your teeth. I've been doing that for years. My father-in-law is a great guy, but my mother-and-sister-in-law hate me more than you could possibly imagine. They only put up with me because me and the mrs make more money individually than all of them combined and can throw them a few pennies when they need it.

After years of knowing me, they still call me American (I'm not), often 美国佬, and they blame me personally for all of the problems in the world. Their most recent thing is that I invented genetically modified food to reduce China's birth rate, something I've been hearing a lot from other people too. What do I even say to that?

Try moving cities. Even if it's just the next city over, you'll get a lot of breathing room.

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12 years 30 weeks ago
 
Posts: 5539

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(no offense kchur) but he is a perfect example of screwed up inlaws and how they will make you miserable. ammia look at all his posts they will tell you run away from his family and him!! if you have a child with him think of the horrible things they will tell your child about you, you see first hand how rude and ignorant they are

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12 years 30 weeks ago
 
Posts: 121

Governor

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i dont think it is a big deal. Smile

because you date with ur bf not his parents Wink . if in future get married, still u live with ur husband. ur bf family is important , but more important is ur bf/ husband. if u and ur bf love each other, all other problems are not problems. if u dont like some habit of ur bf' families, u can tell ur bf frankly and see how he answers. i think ur bf plays a critical role between u and his families... Smile

if i were you, i would try to be silent when meeting his families. because if i really love my bf or husband, i dont want to give him any problems and make him worried. and, if a girl is silent , i guess ppl around you would think you are a quiet and peachful girl. because since you already saw some wierd and strange action(on your side), then in the mean time, your bf family may also saw something not good from you. so if u want to maintain everything good, just be silent!
multi-culture ppl getting together is not easy, treasure it and try to less the problems! Smile

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12 years 30 weeks ago
 
Posts: 5539

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emilychen you sound so naive. but in a sweet innocent way. your family and his family plays an important role in the marriage especially in china. and take it from someone who was once married
remember that when choosing a mate , over the next 10, 20, 30 years that anger builds up and will show itself in your treat of your husband, because you as many women will do you will want him to know there is a problem without opening your mouth and saying there is a problem. if there is a problem, take care of it from the start. problems are like oak tree seeds. at the begining they are small and non threatening but over time they grow into a big freakin tree

(the whole tree thing is copyrighted, if used you must make a 100rmb donation to the tedpoornomore foundation)

and to the stupid cat:(i dont mean to be so harsh , ive been drinking) Tongue i was a counselor for 4 years and i am an ordained minister i could show my credentials, where did you think i learned crap like that

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12 years 30 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3318

Emperor

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You mean "Chinese American" right?

he he
Anyway, odds are they already have you pegged as some snotty Hong Kong bitch who thinks she's better than them (Ain't saying you are, but you know how they LOVE to pre-judge in China).... I'd take advantage of that to act like one and STOP going to visit!

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12 years 30 weeks ago
 
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