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Q: Is it fine for me to date diffrent guys at the same time?

What if many guys like me,is it fine for me to date diffrent guys at the same time before I committed to one guy?

10 years 4 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Victoria

this is a public forum.

you can not prevent people from posting comments.

 

Some of us genuinely want to help you with the best advice we can, but from you all we get is insults because you don't read the replies carefully and react with your first thoughts.

 

As i said on a previous thread of yours, most of the posters here are foreign guys and have given you a very good idea about what they think of Chinese girls.

There are a lot of foreign men happily married with Chinese wives on this site. they have shared their frustrations and concerns on relationships, as well as their joys and hopes for the future.

 

You might not like the advice you receive, but that is the thing about advice, it brings reality and a different perspective to your problem. Yes, you might not agree with it, but courtesy is the key if you expect help from others.

 

If you want people to re-inforce and validate your choices, go to your 'wise friends' with your problems. Not a bunch of diverse foreigners who can share the benefits of their experience with you in the hope that the choices you make will mean your happiness.

 

most of your recent posts have followed a similar pattern:

  you ask for advice

  people give you good advice

  you insult the people for their good advice

  people mock you

  you insult the people for mocking you

 

we can not help you if you don't want to listen to what we say, however painful you find it.

Remember, none of us are under any obligation to help you on this site.

some of us do because we want you to have a happy life

maggiegirly:

Well Said.Sorrel.

Actually,a while ago,she tried to ask me for advice about how to get a nice bf especially a western bf something like that,I did my best to give her some good advice,No kidding with you, I even asked my western husband for help LOL.Unfortnately,she did not take my advice at all for some reason.Since then,I decided to give up.

 

10 years 3 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

What last word to you.Never answer my question.Your fake white pig.

10 years 3 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

That is the reason your Chinese date want you to act in the very sexy way.Because indeed you are just worthy to be a slut.lol

10 years 3 weeks ago
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sorrel:

it was lucky then i dumped that guy before i let him touch me then

i can at least acknowledge a mistake an move on

10 years 3 weeks ago
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10 years 3 weeks ago
 
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Posts: 15

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nope!

if you can't resist, then you must tell the guys it is strictly just sex with no emotions attached.. 

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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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....and is it OK if the guys compensate me with money after each 'date'?

 

Hi Vicky!

 

1. If you were dating a guy, and he was also seeing other girls, would you feel bad? Probably. That's a good indication that it's not fine. Most people would feel better being someone's exclusive partner than "partner #14, Saturday mornings before 10:00".

 

2. What you do with your body (and infamous booty) is entirely your decision. However - most men would not consider a woman who is in several relationships to be a long-term prospect. The short-term joy of wallowing in a sea of foreign man-flesh may impede your long-term plans for matrimonial happiness.

 

All the best, and your new picture looks much nicer than your old one.

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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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A girl did that to me in the past... she kept me 'waiting' so to speak, until the other guy could come over on holiday. She didn't want to decide before then. I helped her to make a decision Wink
She told me the whole story after I broke it off, but nothing I hadn't already guessed. Last I heard, they were still dating.
Do what you want with guys, but get a blood test every month if you really have lots of sex partners. And ask them to wear a condom!

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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Do you mean go out and boom boom with 2 or 3 guys at the same time and together. Sure if you want. I think you are ready for 3 guys, but consider video.

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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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It is ok, just be honest and let the guys know you are dating around to find the right guy. But this does not apply to Chinese guys, they are afraid to death of competition.

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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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only if you have an identical twin

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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Victoria, 

you may remember in a post you made last year you 'could not understand' why other Chinese girls were calling you a slut - (your own words)

 

people are quicker to judge a girl in how she conducts herself than a guy 

 

Take a look at your question.

Take a look at your behaviour

 how do you want to be preceived ?

10 years 4 weeks ago
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TMaster:

I remember in a post she made last month that she intended to free us of her pathetic self-centric presence "forever". So, you know...

 

I am amazed so many people still answer to her posts, knowing perfectly their answers and thoughts aren't even computed as long as they're not on the expected line.

10 years 4 weeks ago
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sorrel:

'hope springs........'

i like to believe that people are able to change 

10 years 4 weeks ago
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TMaster:

Then you're a better being than I.

10 years 4 weeks ago
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Grumpy:

Its her life. Let her do what most expat guys do anyway.  When she meets a guy she really loves and he find out about her past,  she may have to pay for her consequences. Plus if she lives in a big city she has a 1 in 27 chance of getting an HIV infection. (quoting Ray Yip at China's CDC).  People all make their own choices and then they have to live with them. Let her do the same people and stop judging her.

10 years 3 weeks ago
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syedabu:

wow Excellent answer

 

10 years 6 days ago
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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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I just met an American guy from the dating site and it was my first time to meet him in his birthday.We flirted a bit and he hugged me.Latter on he told I am the only girl he likes.It kinda of giving me pressure.I even do not know him a lot.Does it mean I have to stop meeating new guys?He is very handsome,tall,but 10 years older than me.At the moment,I am flirting withthe German guyI used to date with,I still like him.But I know after i choosed someone in Shanghai,I have to stop flirting with my ex.I know he almost won't come back to Shanghai.

sorrel:

this is a no-brainer

do you like the American guy? 

If you like him just say you want to get to know him better.

if you don't like him, be honest with him.

 

As for you ex - just finish with him

he is an 'ex' after all.

10 years 4 weeks ago
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Robk:

Stop "meeating" new guys? Sounds dirty, Haha.

 

You don't have to stop meeting new guys doesn't sound like it's serious or anything but consider the fact that men (well respectable men) don't like girls that get around town with the boys... know what I mean? 

 

 

10 years 4 weeks ago
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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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I like the American guy.I told I wanted to get to know him.But does it mean I have to stop meeting new guys during the period I am getting to know him?I will finish with my ex,it takes me time since my ex is so cute.Damnit.

sorrel:

you sound like so many chinese girls i met - particularly in Changsha:

they would be in a relationship but at the same time instead of devoting themselves to developing and maintaining this one relationship, they keep an eye out for something 'better' to come along.

to me that is just slutty.

10 years 4 weeks ago
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Robk:

I agree with you sorrel, it does sound superficial to the max.

 

But that's Chinese society... far from what I would have guessed before I came here. 

 

Victoria, it's your life and nobody really has the right to tell you what to do. If you enjoy having many guys that's your choice. However, I live by a few sayings that ALWAYS tend to be true and this is one of them... "If you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one." 

 

I am sure there is a Chinese equivalent but the meaning is find ONE special person and devote your energy to pleasing them (and yourself). Life is much simpler and usually happier that way. 

10 years 4 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

I may try date the American guy only.And tell my ex I have a date.But i need time to decide what to do.The American guy is sick today and can not meet me forbseversl days.It gives me time to think.But ondeed I like my ex a lot.I will commit to him if he could back.

10 years 4 weeks ago
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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Being an honest person takes courage : the courage to be up-front and open about yourself (ie. you having doubts about whom you would commit, or should you commit at all), the courage to act according to what you think is right, even if it's not easy.

 

What would you think of guy acting like you ? You would be fine that ? You would except people to be honest with you, but for yourself, it's okay to have more lax standard of honesty ? 

Victoria1987:

I am fine for guys to date around before committed.I understand it is so hard to choose.

10 years 4 weeks ago
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DrMonkey:

Then be free and fly ^^ Old saying : "By running after too many rabbits in the same time, you often end-up catching no rabbits at all" ha ha ;)

10 years 4 weeks ago
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Robk:

There is an old native (native as in natives to North America) saying "Chase two rabbits, catch neither."

 

Pretty much the same thing just a shortened version haha. 

10 years 4 weeks ago
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As long as you are making sure the guys are aware, then I don't see a problem, but you'll loose your focus by seeing more than one. If you like a guy, spend you energy on him. A relationship takes time to grow from first date to hopefully a lasting one, without focus you will never get over the first stages.

Victoria1987:

I can focus on one.But he is 10 years older,how do you think?

10 years 4 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

You're in your 20ies he is then in his 30ies.... Could work. Age is just a number, the BIG challenge will be the culture gap rather than the age gap. (not saying the age gap could not be cause of problems) 

 

10 years 4 weeks ago
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No, it's not fine. That would increase the likelihood you could reproduce, which would be to the detriment of everyone.

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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Ok I can't help it    ever since I red the post all I can hear in my head is that Queen song  , you know the oneno ......I want to ride my Bicycle , i want to ride my bike  angry

philbravery:

oh and on a related topic          Sex in China on a 30 day visa ?has cracked the 5000 views mark

10 years 4 weeks ago
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sorrel:

congratulations Phil

you must be so proud 

10 years 4 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

Phil. This goes to show what one man can achieve if only he applies himself. 

10 years 4 weeks ago
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TedDBayer:

My question when will Vic pass the 5000 views?

10 years 4 weeks ago
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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Always make sure you meet each man in a different Burger King...You dont want them to cross paths and get jealous over you! yes

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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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what a nutcase...angry

icnif77:

pea-nut or wall-nut? Plenty nuts in Xin!

10 years 4 weeks ago
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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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I have always tried to live by the idea of treating people in the way that you would like to be treated. So, Victoria, ask yourself are you happy for any of the men you are dating to be dating other girls at the same time. If you are not happy about that don't do it yourself. If you are happy  then just carry on but don't come complaining when you pick up a certain reputation and then just reinforce that reputation by your further actions. In case you have any doubts about that reputation, Sorrel named it in one word, slut. You have been posting here about your love life for a long time and have received a lot of sound advice from many people here. Clearly you have ignored it as here you are again. It really is time to look in the mirror and ask if you are pleased with what you see.

Victoria1987:

What?Slut?Sorrel,be careful with the word you are using,as a lady,you even don't know respect.Do you know me?Did I ever tell that I dated guys at the same time?Your quick judgement made you a shallow person.I had never dated many guys at the same time in my life.I started dating new guys just because the guys I was dating did not get alone well with me and we broke up.My ex ended up with me because he could not find good job here and backed to the Germany,we talked recently but still didn't work things out.I am a slut because I am going to date this American guy in Shanghai after my ex broke up with me?lol.Learn to be polite and behave(To Sorrel and those people said rude words here)

I posted this questions here just want to get advice if I can start dating diffrent guys at this time.It does not mean I will do it.I just want to know if it is okay to date many before making commitment to one guy.Because as so far as I know,some guys did it before they choosed one girl as their real girlfriend,they adviced me to do it.I came to ask here just because I am not sure if I should do it this way.And finally I decide to just date one guy. lol:Couple of month ago,people saw me with my ex,now they will see me with my present date.I am sure people will call me slut.And they will say:Look at her,she changed boyfriend so fast,I saw here with another guy couple of monthes ago,now she changed to a new guy.She is slut,she is a bitch,she is only here for fucking around.She just wants sex.I often heard that.lol.Sorrel and those rude people.you are as shallow and stupid as those people insulted me like that before.

10 years 4 weeks ago
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brother1818:

Vicky - Actually Sorrel has been the one person that constantly sticks up for you. She is always honest (which can come across as harsh) and I think she is the one you should listen to. PLUS she said that IF you do go ahead and date all these guys at once that you will be seen as a slut, not that you are already. So can you, for the 100th time, please calm down and stop making enemies in the one and only place where you have people who can be called, in some capacity, friends. 

10 years 4 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

Friends?Are you kidding me.I will never call anyone on internet friend.I am doing adult thing,no time to  deal with you.Go talking with your sant Sorrel.What a fucking slut.

10 years 3 weeks ago
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tomcatflyer:

Victoria if you are so sure you are doing the right adult thing, as you say, why do you come back time after time seeking approval. It only proves you are insecure with very little confidence or sense of self worth. If you had any of these you would not feel the need to have strangers endorse your way of life. As far as calling Sorrel a f***ing slut this just shows what a stupid person you really are. You say you are 26 or 27, can't remember which now, but in all honesty you come across as a 16 year old hooker who needs people to tell her her choice of lifestyle is fine, because you don't have the honesty to really look in the mirror and accept what you are.

10 years 3 weeks ago
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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Dear Bravo , ...

 great Vicky, thanks for entertainment  ...

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What?Slut?Sorrel,be careful with the word you are using,as a lady,you even don't know respect.Do you know me?Did I ever tell that I dated guys at the same time?Your quick judgement made you a shallow person.I had never dated many guys at the same time in my life.I started dating new guys just because the guys I was dating did not get alone well with me and we broke up.My ex ended up with me because he could not find good job here and backed to the Germany,we talked recently but still didn't work things out.I am a slut because I am going to date this American guy in Shanghai after my ex broke up with me?lol.Learn to be polite and behave(To Sorrel and those people said rude words here)

I posted this questions here just want to get advice if I can start dating diffrent guys at this time.It does not mean I will do it.I just want to know if it is okay to date many before making commitment to one guy.Because as so far as I know,some guys did it before they choosed one girl as their real girlfriend,they adviced me to do it.I came to ask here just because I am not sure if I should do it this way.And finally I decide to just date one guy. lol:Couple of month ago,people saw me with my ex,now they will see me with my present date.I am sure people will call me slut.And they will say:Look at her,she changed boyfriend so fast,I saw here with another guy couple of monthes ago,now she changed to a new guy.She is slut,she is a bitch,she is only here for fucking around.She just wants sex.I often heard that.lol.Sorrel and those rude people.you are as shallow and stupid as those people insulted me like that before.

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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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And my  word to you.Who are you going to judge?People.Don't be stupid.

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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Victoria, 

i did not call you a slut

if you read my comment, you will see i said that people will judge you and use words like this.

what i wrote was: 

 

"people are quicker to judge a girl in how she conducts herself than a guy "

 

and

 

"they would be in a relationship but at the same time instead of devoting themselves to developing and maintaining this one relationship, they keep an eye out for something 'better' to come along.

to me that is just slutty."

 

i don't judge you because i know you only from this site.

 

Victoria1987:

Don't make excuses.You only made yourself look mean and shallow.

10 years 4 weeks ago
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brother1818:

Vicky - Actually Sorrel has been the one person that constantly sticks up for you. She is always honest (which can come across as harsh) and I think she is the one you should listen to. PLUS she said that IF you do go ahead and date all these guys at once that you will be seen as a slut, not that you are already. So can you, for the 100th time, please calm down and stop making enemies in the one and only place where you have people who can be called, in some capacity, friends. 

10 years 4 weeks ago
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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Only need advice from smart people.Sorrel is not allowed to answer my post,and so does those rude people.The guy I agreed to go on date with this week is an American,I will be 27 after birthday on March,and he is 10 years older than me.He is quite handsome and polite,looks caring.But now I am confused,still he is 10 years older,that is a lot indeed.Should I continue with him?

DrMonkey:

When people ask you how your make decision about your own private life, you tell them "I ask people on the Internet" ? Also, just imagine both guys are on this website :D

10 years 4 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

I am not afraid to let them know that I made desicion after talking with people on the internet.Don't forget that wisdom comes from communication between diffrent minds.Smart people are borned in this way.

10 years 4 weeks ago
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nicholasba:

jeez, are u kidding me? Do u have a mirror in your home or???- -

10 years 4 weeks ago
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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Victoria, I've never commented on any of your posts before. You know, if you want to ask people on the forum about your personal life, then be prepared to get answers of all kinds, rude, caustic, downright disgusting, nice, supportive, etc. This is a forum and not your personal circle of friends. You may not like them and they may not like you, but you did open yourself to attack. I've read some of your posts and frankly, you come across as someone who needs a lot of help(?). Your grasp of the English language is not good so you tend to misread comments and interpret them incorrectly. For instance, Sorrel mentioned your previous posts but you ignored that and press on to say she insulted you. There are others who are teasing you but you thought they were rude. Yes, some of them were rude but you opened yourself to such comments. You say you will be 27 soon but it appears that you have a mind of a 16 year old. If you throw tantrums like you just did then people will treat you like a kid who doesn't know better. Disgustingly cute. 

DrMonkey:

Vic. answering "No, you are the stupid one, stop insulting me, I understanded much better than you" in 3, 2, 1...

10 years 4 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

Go read every comment sorrel made before yoy judge,little boy.

10 years 4 weeks ago
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louischuahm:

Victoria, I rest my case. 

10 years 4 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

DrMoney,you look  ugly and stupid

10 years 3 weeks ago
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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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No its not that would be classed as a SLUT!!! You are cheating on all the people you are dating and its wrong.  

 

Only way this would be ok if you told the people you are dating that you are dating others at the same time and most likely you will be called a SLUT by them too- among other bad words i can think of.

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Go Vicky!  

Do whatever you want to do.  If you've got a conscience, a sense of propriety, some empathy for fellow humans, you'll know what you should be doing.  

It really is just common sense.

But if you don't have these virtues, or you're an alcoholic, or a drug addict, then I suggest you take some notice of that wise sage, Sorrel.  (Is that tautology?)

Or just keep on doing what you do.  Makes for passable light reading for those of us with nothing better to do.

BTW....what's your PB, re boyfriends in one 24 hour period?

 

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