By continuing you agree to eChinacities's Privacy Policy .
Sign up with Google
Sign up with Facebook
Q: Is it hard for Chinese women to understand western men have female friends?
My wife once HIT THE ROOF when she found out I was hanging out at a bar all night with a female friend of mine. The girl is also her friend, so I thought it was weird. And I had texted her saying "I'm with so and so, gonna hang out for an hour." So, it's not like I was trying to hide anything. But, when I got home she was angry. I'd never seen that side of her before. I told her to get used to it, cause where I'm from we have friends of the opposite sex.
Any Chinese girls want to weigh in on this?
A friend of mine, another Chinese woman, said that she thinks Chinese women are genetically hyper-territorial about their men cause of years of concubines and stuff like that. And said Chinese women don't trust other women one bit. Is this true?
12 years 28 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Well my ex was born in Italy and her friend was born Dutch. She was not only brought up in a different culture but even when she had a friend she could talk the dialect of her grandparents with, she acted completely insane with, thanking she would take me away from her.
I've had non Chinese girls do this,, was she PMSing?
Well, even as a Western woman I find that to be pushing it a bit. Not because you were with a female friend, but more so the other details. 1) you were at a bar which implies alcohol was involved 2) you said you were out "all night"; all night or at night either way my bf/husband shouldn't be hanging out alone with any woman at night (unless they're related) which brings me to 3) you didn't say , but it sounds as if it was just you two , major no no. Plus what friend hangs out with another friend's man (alone) ??
I'm not sure that Chinese women are as calculative as we are but for the reasons I mentioned I , too , would have had a problem with it .
nevermind:
Really? I don't see a problem with any of those. I've never had it with other GFs. To imply I can't hang out with just a woman friend alone means you don't trust the person. And that's insulting. It's also controlling.
lchickman:
So you're saying you'd have no problem if your wife texted you one night saying that she's going to have a few drinks at a bar with one of your friends (your friend didn't even mention his plan to hang out with your wife to you) alone ?
I've got news for you bud. Chinese men and women don't trust other people!!! There was an article about this here on this website recently.
mArtiAn:
Yup, and at least one idiot read it and believed that nonsense. Good luck with that.
King_Of_Hearts:
Actually I agree with you... Chinese people seem to trust nobody outside of their immediate family and you know what, I do the same except for a handful of child-hood friends and army buddies. In this dog eat everything world I can't much plame them for being void of trust.
1- Meet for lunch? No problem.
2- Meet for drinks for an hour or so? No problem.
3- All night? Big problem! As a man, I would not have any problem with the first two, but the third one I would not be comfortable at all.
BARS AND NIGHTS ALONE ASIDE, the problem seems very common and reasonable when a couple is involved, no matter how much I tell u everyday that I trust you, I will always feel kind of jealous when you are with someone else somewhere alone. it seems not making any sense that your bf/gf is outside there alone hanging out with another for some minutes even though the reason is known to be but how would i know its the real reason? and this should not be centralized in the Chinese girls alone, its a universal common case, even my gf sometimes gets annoyed when i receive a call,a text message, talk to her friends in her presence, so i thinks it''s a simple involuntary action of jealousness which we cannot control but can dissimulate that all is well
just wondering how would you feel if your wife went out with a guy all night ?
Thanks.
nevermind:
I wouldn't care. In fact one of her best friends is a man.
maggiegirly:
come on,does your wife go out with her best male friend all night ? I don't think so,but meet for lunch,dinner or a coffee.I have some male friends too,But I only go out with him for lunch,dinner or a coffee sometimes,Not often,Never go out with him all night ,I would never do that since I am TAKEN. with other friends together should be fine.
Is it hard for Chinese women to understand western men have female friends? NO,but western women too,actually,I did ask some of my western female friends who's from USA,Australia and Europe. that's what they said
Meet for lunch or a coffee is fine.
but meet all night is a definitely NO,a big problem.
I agree with them,everyone knows what's going to happen after a lot
of drinks.,
BTW,what's your point ? go out with a girl all night(just you two) since you are married? Not inviting other friends to join you guys? quite curious. lol
Thanks.
Sidicas:
The part where you said "I wouldn't care". You're going to make your Chinese girlfriend VERY VERY mad if you dare say that to her. You should damn well care, and you should show some jealousy. If you don't show jealousy then she will feel you really don't care about her. Even though a lot of americans and Japanese think Jealous and Anger are immature / childrens emotions that need to be overcome, that is *NOT* the case in China. So learn how to be jealous and your girlfriend will be a *lot* happier and melt into your arms, trust me. As an American, I spent a lot of time learning how to overcome childish emotions in the USA..., Only to have my Chinese girlfriend beat them back into me when I came to China because she likes them. /sigh.
I've been pulled a side a few times by some girls here in Shanghai asking me why I'm being so friendly with their bf's and to stop (I don't flirt, I'm engaged. People, men and women like to talk to me...thats about it) . Even though I've seen them flirt shamelessly with mine (I just smile and ignore them). I don't argue and feel sorry for anyone in a relationship where you can't trust your significant other.
It's like convincing her that love is for the giving not for the taking.........do that and this will be a piece of mooncake.......Happy Holidays!
because china is big on extra marital affairs. both men and women cheat as if they were taking a final and the teacher walked out of the classroom.
nevermind:
Actually, Martian, a study show 30 per cent of Chinese men cheat and 20 percent of chinese women compared to 7 and 4 percent in the west.
Sidicas:
I think that 30% is bull..
Where's your references for this? I studied American vs. Chinese relationships for a long long time and never saw anything that would even come close to suggesting this.
Maybe it was referring to people in positions of great power (ie: government officials keeping multiple mistresses, etc.). or rich people.. But rest assured, government officials and rich people make up only a very small minority of Chinese. The majority of Chinese never get divorced, even if they felt that their lives are worse-off if they stay married, they still didn't get divorced.. So I still want to see the sources for that 30% of cheating because I don't believe it as well..
crimochina:
sid: understand there is a difference between divorce and cheating. and i judge from my own experiences. many women cheat in china they are very good at covering their tracks because their husbands are also cheating. but the guys flaunt their mistresses. one of the things that tend to confuse chinese people is they think open-mindedness is the same as immoral behavior. but that is not true. if i am single, i'm going to date multiple women. if i am married i am going to honor my marriage. the concept of the sanctity of marriage does not exist in china. it is just another agreement. and anyone who has worked/ done business in china knows how chinese regard agreements and contracts.
That is women the world over, (and I'm willing to bet most men too). You don't spend an evening alone with a member of the opposite sex and expect anything but a hard time when you get home. Period! But certainly not in a bar.
nevermind:
Uh, no in the liberated and progressive nation which I came from you can.
Hugh.G.Rection:
Well lucky for you, but I 100% promise you if you do that with a British wife, you are at the minimum going to be sleeping in the spare bed.
Hell a friend of mine, ended up getting that used against him in his divorce case!
Sidicas:
Your "liberated and progressive nation" has the highest divorce rates in the world. Say what you want about things such as jealousy, but you have to admit that Chinese are probably doing something right when it comes to relationships.. At the very least, getting a little jealous from time to time is an easy thing to do if it means the opportunity of having a more stable, more strong, and more dependable relationship. As an American, I see exactly where you're coming from... 3 or 4 years ago, I felt exactly the same way as you do now.. But you have to do some of your own research, look at the statistics, look at how Chinese couples function compared to American couples and realize that Americans are doing something wrong and the USA has lost something on their way to becoming to "progressive and liberated"... Just stop and think about it for a few days.. Heck, I thought about it for many, many years before I even considered moving out of the USA to search for something better. I'm from the USA, so of course I know a lot of people that get divorced.. why do they get divorced? "Because he/she/it doesn't love my anymore. He/She/It never gets jealous, he/she/it doesn't calls me every 5 minutes to see if I'm ok, he/she/it doesn't spend hours everyday worrying about me, etc. etc. etc.. boo-hoo-hoo".. Really, the overwhelming majority of people who get divorced in the USA get divorced for bull-poo reasons.. It's much easier to be a quitter than it is to put some effort in and fix something so it works.. This is soemthing that Chinese relationships can teach you, and the first steps of that is learning how to show some jealousy... I strongly believe jealousy is important to every relationship.
all girls get jealous, nothing to do with where they are from, some girls give their partner space but i guess they still worry, but it can be really annoying if someone is telling you of when you did nothing wrong, ow and girls dont trust other girls FACT, you can see girls in the street giving each other a bad look as they walk past each other for no reason lol
and cos of the gender imbalance it must be a play ground for girls to pick and choose the guys they want
Not sure if it just applies to the Chinese ladies. I returned home to the UK last years. Only to find that a Chinese girl and her husband moved in next door. She was working in the UK and married an Italian guy. She knew no-one and spoke little if anything in English, and almost nothing in Italian [ he spoke nothing in English]. She had been told by the neighbours that was I living in China and spoke Chinese. I meet her in the town whilst shopping so took the opportunity to introduce myself. She was delighted she could communicate with someone and share her thoughts, experiences and have the opportunity to have some of the culture and marriage requirements explained to her. I was invited to Sunday dinner with her and the husband, after that her told her not to chat to me, simply because he could not understand the conversation. So now she lives in silence, until the boxing gloves are out each time they fight. I've also experienced many times here in China that females do not like you to friendly with other females.
