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Posts: 125

Governor

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Q: Is it the man who pays, or the Westerner?

I met that Chinese guy from a friend of mine, and we had a date at a restaurant. The guy was quite shy, not very talkative at all. He seemed nice but it was hard to get the conversation going. In the end, when the bill arrived, he gave me that look as to say I'm richier than he is, so I had to pay for both of us. It didn't bother me as much as it was cheap, but the look he gave me bothered me.

We walked a bit afterward to take some fresh air, and he asked me if I needed help for anything. I'm not sure what he meant by that, so I casually asked him if he wanted to carry my handbag. Well he said yes! I laughed and nicely declined, then took the first taxi to go back home.

Please tell me not every men are like him!

12 years 34 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
Answers (13)
Comments (10)
Posts: 650

Shifu

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Well, that's really embarrassing.
Chinese guys r not likely to do that, especially u were on a date! Shame on him!

If it's a date, I will not pay as a girl, guy should pay.

If it's just dinner with friends, must go Dutch! I will never ask the guy to pay~

That's it.

And never talk to him again!!!!! U deserve better guy~

Monterey:

so by the logic that a guy should pay, then, when you get married, the girl should do all the housework alone. Right?

12 years 13 weeks ago
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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
Posts: 125

Governor

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Thanks wenna, that's really nice to hear! I always heard the stuff about the Westerner guy always paying, so I was wondering if it was because he was the guy or because he was a Westerner. But Njord says the Westerner. China is so complex! Smile

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
Posts: 650

Shifu

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Because he is the guy, and maybe rich too~, so he paid all the time, couldn't blame him for thinking this way~

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12 years 34 weeks ago
 
Posts: 305

Shifu

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when i went to China the Chinese males were always fighting to pay the bill it got to the point that if i went shopping i dare not like something or they buy it for me. I also wanted a souvenir for a family member and when i explained if they brought meant that it didn't count as it was a present and i would guilty about giving it to them did not work they still insisted. So i ended up buying stuff in secret or trying to pay the bill on the sly when they were not looking or losing at majong so they could get some money back lol. So very surprised he would let you pay. thought it would be loss of face and all that malarkey

woody:

I have found the same. I get invited to dinner quite often by my partners family and friends and they nearly always insist on paying. I have experienced as well the sneak off early to pay the bill between a few of the diners, but the norm has mostly been that the person who has invited people pays. Many of those I go out with are reasonably well off but some are just regular working husbands and wives and I am at times embarrassed by their hospitality and generosity. I keep waiting for the hook but it hasn't happened and is not likely to from where I sit. So all in all even with a few slurps of noodles and the occasional stray grains of rice to flick off me it's been a pretty decent experience. I will add that the resturants are pretty good from my point but are not at the top extravagant level.

12 years 25 weeks ago
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12 years 25 weeks ago
 
Posts: 371

Shifu

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First, The Male Westerner,
Second, The female Westerner,
Third, The Chinese guy,
Never, Chinese women.

Angry

woody:

Every time I am in China I and my partner get invited out to dinner a few times by a Chinese lady friend of hers. She has always paid and gives me the death stare and crash tackles me if I ever attempt to pay. Her husband is a reasonable wealthy business man and does not usually come because he is working (or maybe with his mistress) but I have been to a few social events with them both including an invite to his birthday party. He can speak very little English and is a very funny man and and great host. Maybe I'm lucky but I very much found the oposite to what you state.

12 years 25 weeks ago
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GoldenBoy:

I'm pretty much talking about dating as that was what the question implied (Unless you are talking about a three-some?)

12 years 25 weeks ago
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12 years 25 weeks ago

Tired of dirt and lies.

 
Posts: 3318

Emperor

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I find it impossible to pay for a bill here.

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12 years 25 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2587

Emperor

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Whenever I am invited out, mostly by females, they will pay. They will insist. I have no choice. I traveled to Hefei to visit a lonely friend. When I arrived, she had already booked my room. She took me out to eat each day and paid. At the end of my visit, she paid the hotel (although I insisted she take some money. she is poor) She even paid for my train ticket home! I will never forget that vacation.

GoldenBoy:

If a Chinese person thinks you have gone to visit them they feel pretty much obliged to spend money on you while they feel you are under their care. I have experienced that. The real question though is about dating, is it not?

12 years 25 weeks ago
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xinyuren:

en. We were dating....getting to know each other better.

12 years 25 weeks ago
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12 years 25 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1932

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I've found that it impossible to pay, and the Chinese get aggressive (with me and with each other) over the bill. If I'm feeling guilty about not having paid enough, I usually say I'm going to the bathroom and ask a waitress if I can pay about of the sight of my table. It's the only way.

xinyuren:

I think it is a face thing. It give them some sort of prestige with their friends and workmates to have a foreigner friend. I could be wrong, though.

12 years 25 weeks ago
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12 years 25 weeks ago
 
Posts: 68

Governor

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I am a Western guy when i take a girl out if she does not offer to pay or pay half I give a chance of 3 dates if the girl has not paid at least half at least twice (one full bill of 3 total) i will never contact them again...

I have no interest in a girl who does not wish to pay her way, most Chinese girls have a lot of money you need to train them to be willing to spend it unlike their Chinese boyfriends who train them to spend boyfriends money and save their own for shopping with friends or wasting on junk...

No I have a girlfriend and we have been quite long term, on our first date she insisted we split the bill, 2nd date I paid, 3rd she paid then the next few days we took it in turns to pay...this was fair and now further down the line she does not expect me to buy her loads of stuff and has to think about how to use her own money...
When i met her she had a credit card debt (even though her ex boyfriend bought her loads of stuff), now she has no debt and some savings, i never gave her any money...all i did was ask her to pay her own way, she realised she cant just spend and spend and boyfriend will fix it all with his hard work...

Shining_brow:

I agree! A girlfriend ought to be a part of the relationship as much as the guy is. I find it offensive that so many women (girls) here believe they are ENTITLED to have everything paid for them by the guy! If a girl isn't giving back to the relationship somehow, then the relationship is obviously very one-sided. And, no, sex isn't 'giving back'... that's something that BOTH people get out of the relationship! If you think 'sex' is giving back to the guy, then go be a hooker on a street! Because that's all you're really doing anyway! FTR, I, too, have had the girl pay for me on numerous occasions. But, they also understand that that was the first time! (sometimes the second and third :p). I take it with the idea of "you are a guest here, I am the host - it is my responsibility". The fourth time doesn't happen!!! After that, we are friends, and it gets 'shared' - ie, sometimes I pay, sometimes you pay.

12 years 23 weeks ago
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12 years 25 weeks ago
 
Posts: 19

Governor

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On the first date i had with my husband (he is chinese), he paid and after we continue seeing each other we either shared the bill or i will pay and then next time he would pay. So not all Chinese men are like the guy you dated. In fact my husband doesn't like it when i pay, he wants to pay all the time but i dont want him to pay all the time because i have the ability to pay the bill. When i asked him about it he said because he is a man and he should pay. My husband is from the west of china so he is more traditional.

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12 years 20 weeks ago
 
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When I am out with Chinese friends, or business associates, the only time I am allowed to pay the bill is when I sneak out of the room and pay for the bill before it even gets to the room.  Then when they find out later, they still get upset with me and try to make me take money.  Of course, I always refuse.

When it comes to dating, I was brought up in a traditional setting.  The man always pays for the meal. Period.  Now, if the girl wants to go shopping, then she is on her own.

Even after being married to my Chinese wife for almost 8 years, I can count the number of times she has been allowed to pay the bill on one hand.  She does constantly insist on paying since she has a really good job.  But I just can't let her do it because it isn't the way I was raised.  

When on a date, the man should always pay for the meal.  Chinese, Western, doesn't matter.

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12 years 20 weeks ago
 
Posts: 55

Governor

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Are you sure this guy is Chinese ?

I've never seen a Chinese let a foreigner pay the bill. That's a huge loss of face for them.

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12 years 20 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1

General

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(Sandra_kassala1@yahoo.com)
Hello,
How are you? I hope very well and best of health. My name is Miss Sandra, I would answer for me I have something important to discuss with you. As soon as I heard of you, I will send my picture and let you know more about me. I hope to hear from you soon.
Care of Miss Sandra.
(Sandra_kassala1@yahoo.com)

kchur:

SANDRA I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU CAN'T DISCUSS IT IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS!

12 years 13 weeks ago
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mattaya:

So the PHOTO you have up is a Fake? This seems like your trying to SOLICIT or SELL something is this TRUE??

12 years 13 weeks ago
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12 years 13 weeks ago
 
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