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Posts: 430

Shifu

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Q: Ladies, would you date a guy who's slept with prostitutes in the past?

So I got to know this pretty cute guy recently. One night, we played a truth/dare drinking game and he admitted to having slept with prostitutes in the past during his time in China. It was an immediate turn-off for me and I don't think I would go anywhere near him after knowing this. Or am I being unfair? I just can't help but think of men who go to prostitutes as the lowest form of scum on earth.

11 years 11 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Posts: 2253

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Well, I'd be worried about how clean he is. I would be really worried unless he got tested, and even then, I might not want anything to do with him. I don't feel it is wrong to have sex with prostitutes, but STDs can have large consequences, and are often transmitted unknowingly. It's not worth the risk. Every sexual encounter adds to that risk, whether it's with a prostitute or not. If he was going to prostitutes while in a relationship, then I would think he is scum.

Scandinavian:

he could just a well have gotten an STD from a non-wroking girl. testing of both boy and girl before commencing unprotected sex should always happen, and unless other kinds of birthcontrol is already at play, condoms would be needed to prevent pregnancy.  

 

 

11 years 11 weeks ago
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xinyuren:

I'm with you on this, Pogger.  Even if I did go to a prostitute, my equipment wouldn't work.  I just wasn't made for one night sex.

11 years 11 weeks ago
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11 years 11 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1989

Peasant

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Redaria, you do well to fear it. Follow your instinct because it's a healthy instinct and as a woman your instinct says that a guy like this may be a danger for the baby you may have with him, should you have sexual contacts with him.  The illness that he got for sure from his adventures are not a danger to your body and mind only but a danger for your future kids. Keep it that way and keep it simple: friendship if he is happy with it, if not let him go. 

Scandinavian:

statistically a very large amount of the male population of this country frequent prostitutes. a big portion of those will lie about it if asked, they cannot lie about any diseases they have gotten.

 

the fact that you say "for sure" about a guy getting an STD from a prostitute is wrong, granted it is a high risk area, but still. maybe he used protection

 

I hope the OP is careful enough to not encounter in anything that could result in pregnancy. I am aware the education on how to avoid pregnancy in China is very limited. If in doubt, research it prior to any horizontal gymnastics. 

11 years 11 weeks ago
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11 years 11 weeks ago
 
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It's really hard to say. I know a few guys who never woulda gone to prozzies until they came here. It doesn't mean they aren't good guys. However, I've always found that men who regularily use prostitutes generally have little respect for women. I've never gone to one, but that's mainly cause I'm always more concerned with the kind of life the woman has had that forced her into the business...would be too much guilt for me to enjoy any kind of a romp. 

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11 years 11 weeks ago
 
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I would be put off, Redaria, I don't blame you for being cautious.

 

I know it's not considered the most open minded thing to say, but I'm put off by the idea of the human body as a saleable commodity. My partner made it clear to me in our early days that he'd never been to a hooker, and wouldn't, and I respected him more for it.

 

In addition, the trafficking of women throughout Asia is a heartbreaking reality - I'm sure there are some women who choose the lifestyle, but I'm also sure there are other women trafficked into a horrible life. There's every chance he's encouraging that trade.

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11 years 11 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1091

Shifu

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people will sell there time there labor there sweet there blood there very souls, but not there genitals what grand HONOR THEY MAINTAIN INDEED.

indecision

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11 years 11 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1197

Shifu

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I always squirm uncomfortably when someone tells me they've paid for sex. Especially in China. Try not to think about the HIV epidemic among Chinese sex workers the next time you see him.

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11 years 11 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1084

Shifu

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He obviously likes you enough to be honest about his dark past. It's not like that's his main chat up line for every girl.

 

Did you ask him this question or did he just say it? That's quite a difference you know.

 

The only thing I find wrong here is that he's man enough to admit it, and you're ready to leave him. While all the tonnes of married men can lie and go behind their lover's back and get away with it for years.

cooter:

Um, according to the original post, it sounds more like a drunk confession than anything....

11 years 11 weeks ago
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MissA:

I agree with Cooter's assessment here. And she's not dumping him, just deciding whether to pursue a crush/flirtation further.

11 years 11 weeks ago
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Redaria:

Cooter is right. We were all drunk and many private confessions were made on that night. It's just that this one shocked me the most because I didn't think he was sleazy or a womanizer before that moment. Then, in an instance, I saw him in a whole other light. Needless to say, I don't think I'm going to take it any further with him. Luckily I was only mildly infatuated in him in the first place. Time to move on!

11 years 11 weeks ago
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11 years 11 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3

Governor

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How was his face when he admitted that? did you see any sign of regret or guilty? Well, I will be like you, kinda disgust..It'd only be unfair if he said that to let you know the truth, be open with you, share.. Maybe he likes you, wanna let you know all about him. But still, one can't blame of how you're feeling right now. Wink

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11 years 11 weeks ago
 
Posts: 352

Shifu

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You need to make sure he is tested several times for a certain period of time. STDs need 3 months at least to be shown in the tests.

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11 years 11 weeks ago
 
Posts: 49

Governor

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I'd be totally grossed out. Blech!
A friend of mine told me about a friend of his who accidentally hooked up with a prostitute in Thailand. It wasn't until after the "event" that she asked for money....my friend said the guy was basically in tears when they caught up later. In that case I'd probably forgive the guy, but even then, only if he'd been tested!

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11 years 11 weeks ago
 
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ladies. remember, if you ask a guy directly if he has ever been with a prostitute, whether he is drunk or not at the moment, it is very easy for the guy to figure out that it will always be best to say "no"

I don't have the number at hand, but a very large number of the male population would have been with a prostitute, a smaller amount of those will confess to it. 

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11 years 11 weeks ago
 
Posts: 6

Governor

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Interesting topic I must say. Isn't it common in China that the men go to prostitutes or go to "saunas"? Just wondering.

Scandinavian:

it is very common. the concept of having an 'ernai' (second wife) is socially acceptable and the "job" as ernai is becoming more accepted. 

 

Read this article

 

Whether it is 50RMB for a back alley quickie or 20000 per month for an ernai, prostitution is prostitution.

11 years 8 weeks ago
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11 years 8 weeks ago
 
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TBH, I'm really shocked, disappointed and rather disgusted with some of the responses here!

 

Firstly, let me be clear - I'm not looking at the basic health issues on this topic - that's a different discussion. Same also, I'm not looking at the possibility (probability) of abuse, etc - certainly in poorer countries like China, Thailand, Cambodia, etc.

 

So - my point... if you view the guy as 'scum', then what are you saying about the woman? She must be the lowest form of trash on earth!!! Obviously, she's not worth showing any form of respect.

 

Sheesh! She's a human being, FFS... and I'm pretty sure (especially in China, Thailand, etc) that it's not really a profession she was really pleased about having to get into... just try to think of the sort of life she was living (and maybe going to live) for her to make a decision to sell her body.

 

Also, she's had sex for money... sort of like... those girls who will only go after rich guys. Or, only after you've had a few drinks and gone to dinner a couple of times, or bought them an iPhone/iPad.... except, this is more honest!

 

Lastly, I think it says a lot more about our attitudes to sex, and just how repressed our society is. To put it bluntly, he wanted sex (basic human urge), he wasn't in a relationship (we presume... it wasn't mentioned in the OP, and so I think it's safe to assume), he didn't want to lead on a girl with false hopes or promises. He took the 'smart' route. NO lies, no deceptions, no heartache and break-ups. Would it have been better if he said he regularly goes to night-clubs and picks up for one night stands?? Or makes promises of marriage etc to get into some girls pants, only to end it in a few months with her in tears? (and her brothers out for blood Tongue)

MissA:

..."just try to think of the sort of life she was living (and maybe going to live) for her to make a decision to sell her body"

 

Yes, exactly. Think of the circumstances, and you'd still be comfortable being the buyer? Also, S-B, I don't think you can just decide to ignore the health implications, if deciding whether to sleep with a guy who does go to hookers. Nor can you just conveniently decide to ignore trafficking when considering the morality of a visit to a brothel - it does exist.

11 years 8 weeks ago
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MissA:

Also, I've just read back through the thread, and the only person using the word 'scum' that I can see is you. Where else is it used, I can't see it?

Your other situations- going out with a guy who'd previously had one night stands. Not really an issue; my partner was a right slut in his late teens and early 20s, a decade later, I really couldn't care less. As far as I know, he was always honest. A guy who pretends an engagement, to get laid, now, that would not be the type of person I'd want anything to do with.

11 years 8 weeks ago
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mArtiAn:

  In agreement here 100%. Not a fan of the prostitution industry but i've fallen through its doors on a drunken night once or twice in the past. Felt like a sleaze in the morning, it's true, but I wouldn't lie about it, it's not like I raped anyone. It's called being 'only human'.

11 years 8 weeks ago
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Shining_brow:

Hi MissA... You're right... I was the only one using 'scum'... odd, I could've sworn someone used it (or similar)... however, there is 'blech', 'disgust', 'grossed out' (although, I will also acknowledge, only by 2 people...).

 

I'm not joining into the health or trafficking, because that's not limited to prostitution, and prostitution doesn't need to have either of those as a concern.  Take countries where prostitution is open and legal. The workers are regularly screened for diseases (much more so than the rest of us, I'd say!!), and in many countries, it is illegal for them to have unprotected sex - again, better than those who don't work in the sex industry.

 

The OP's question was about prostitutes - not "prostitutes in poor countries where human traffiking is rife, and the health conditions are terrible". Ie, it's a question of where people stand on prostitution, not the practicalities involved, nor the moral issue of human trafficking... so, I chose to direct my answer towards that alone.

 

I'd be quite happy to have a thread about those specifics, if you'd like :) eg, "Do you see going to a Chinese prostitute as encouraging abuse, sex slavery and human trafficking?" or similar....

 

Now, if the guy has had sex with a Chinese prostitute, and has been tested as clean afterwards.....?????

11 years 8 weeks ago
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xinyuren:

"...and I'm pretty sure (especially in China, Thailand, etc) that it's not really a profession she was really pleased about having to get into... just try to think of the sort of life she was living (and maybe going to live) for her to make a decision to sell her body."

 

I quoted your words because they really say it all.  NOBODY eagerly chooses this profession and most likely they reluctantly became prostitutes.  This makes prostitution so unlike marrying a rich guy.  Yet I can say the opposite of the men who buy the services.  Almost all are eager to buy.  So the ones with money are exploiting the ones without (yes, it's exploitation because the only thing that draws the women is the lure of money).  Yet you call this an honorable profession???  A profession that draws innocent girls to get virtually raped because they are poor?   Legality is not the issue.  This is beyond legality.  This is the reduction of the worth of an individual's body to the point of it being a commodity.  This is the exact reason why most of the world has laws against it.

 

But you are right about the honesty part. The guy is honest about wanting to exploit her body. The girl is aware of this and will except this exploitation for money. A disgusting trade and truly a downgrading experience for her. Now, I put forth a more honest and honorable solution: He wants sex. She also wants sex. They have sex. No money involved.

11 years 8 weeks ago
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Shining_brow:

Hi Xin... I'm surprised you didn't jump on this thread earlier... I remember the last time we had this topic...

 

Firstly, I didn't say it was an 'honourable profession' - I am saying, don't dump crap on the girl because she's doing it to survive!

 

Secondly, as I indicated in that reply, I'm not getting into the discussion about how it goes on... whether it's a form of slavery and abuse... or whether the sex workers have complete control over what goes on. That's a different discussion!!! If you want that thread, go and start it! But please, don't put the two together (it's reminding me of the morons who put homosexuals and paedophiles into the same category...).

 

Legality is part of the issue... legality is supposed to be representative of the mores of society. While prostitution is illegal, we have laws that say it's ok to rape a prostitute, or to beat her/him, or other acts. When it's legalised, then we don't face that problem. Similarly, if something is illegal, it's ok for the rest of society to look down upon what it is, and the people who do it. When something is legal, it becomes acceptable, and even grants a modicum of respect.. What you are suggesting, as a consequence, is that sex workers are not worthy of respect. That, I find, is deplorable!

 

I agree with you - innocent girls ought not to get involved in prostitution - it's not an easy thing - especially in China (of course, society is to blame for that, and our general attitudes towards sex). But, as I said... that's a different thread....

 

But, somehow, a rich guy who has 'mistresses' who are only used for sex... that's ok! And, rich guys who marry a woman who's only with him for  the money... that's ok too....

 

Q: who do you rate 'higher' (ie, more worthy of respect) - the prostitute who willingly engages in his/her trade... or the spouse who quickly ends the marriage to get as much money as they can out of the ex-partner, after all the lies and deception to get hitched?

11 years 8 weeks ago
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xinyuren:

 I dump crap on anyone who cops out and says they are doing it to survive.  They are doing it because it is easier than other options.  They are doing it because they'd rather lie down and open their legs than to educate/train themselves and get a real job.  This is never ever the only option.  It is the option they choose.  I don't respect such thinking.

 

I don't recall any laws anywhere that say it's legal to rape someone or harm someone in any way.  Please cite some examples.  Legalizing prostitution will not make such crimes go away.  Men who want to abuse prostitutes will continue to do so.  They will not undergo some miraculous change in personality.  Neither do I recall anyone saying that having mistresses for sex is ok either.  I'm sure most people are against that too.  It is looked down upon, but it would be unenforceable as a law.

 

Finally, you ask me to compare a woman who willingly degrades herself with another woman who exploits her position as a spouse to gouge money out of her husband?  Haha!  They are equally reprehensible.  Both are low character individuals and rate quite low on my scale.

 

Also, you misunderstand what I mean by respect. There are different levels of respect. Every person deserves respect as a human. I am talking about respect as a partner or lover (that is the original poster's concern), respect of one's position or station in life. i can respect you as a person, but not respect your character or job, thus I would not consider you as a dating prospect. I hope I am clear.

11 years 8 weeks ago
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11 years 8 weeks ago
 
Posts: 9

Governor

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Wake up!

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11 years 8 weeks ago
 
Posts: 6

Governor

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Honestly I have never been to such place there it was possible to buy a prostitute or not, due to my young age and I have no interest in that particular thing, so I can't defend or judge people who actually go to such places.
Although that the view on women based on respect, genuine respect. Despite that this is China, a lot different culture and society compared to our countries back home (especially a typical Scandinavian country).
Something that I noticed among my foreign friends here in China, most of them have once or twice, or are regularly having sex with a prostitute. It's a clear difference between mine and their view of women. Sadly, they tend to respect the women far less than I would ever do.

Amonk:

Dear CCP, I will offer English lessons to your wumaos for free. This is getting ridiculous- why are you paying them for such pitifully obvious diatribe? Suggesting that prostitution is more acceptable in Scandinavia than China you clearly have never left your precious Middle Kingdom, and anyone with at least a pair of brain cells can tell.

11 years 6 weeks ago
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JohanOhlund:

Maybe you got me wrong there miss? My point was that prostitution is more accepted by the society than far more other countries. Just walk outside one night and find a shop with a pink light.
And no thanks, you're rude, I have nothing more to say to you.

11 years 6 weeks ago
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11 years 6 weeks ago
 
Posts: 5732

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damn , since i have been used by rich chinese women as a boytoy , i guess i should commit suicide before my wife finds out. lol

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11 years 6 weeks ago
 
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If I had a sister I would direct her to the farthest distance away from that guy for fear of what she could catch from him. Poor guy he probably has already caught something but just doesn't know it yet!

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11 years 6 weeks ago

There are cookies, bookies and too many rookies for me to sit here trying to be a hooky! Looky Looky don't call me a wooky. Touchy Touchy Feely Feely Spicy Spicy Nicey Nicey & that's what the doctor Ordered!!

 
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Governor

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nowadays every1 sleeps with prostitutes ... so its nt a big deal ... 

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11 years 4 weeks ago
 
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