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Q: Lesbian, Intercultural Relationship Drama...
This is a rather interesting case:
I'm a woman, who's dating a (she's 22, I'm 29) younger Chinese woman. I'm not a lesbian, actually, but I love her, and we kind of just fell into this thing (I'll skimp on the details here). We've been together about a year, but I really don't want to date her, actually. I love her, and I hate hurting her, but I don't want to marry her, and I don't want to be with her for the rest of my life. So... last week, I told her so. I told her over the phone actually (because she lives really far away now, she moved). At first she was okay, then furious, then heartbroken. She blocked me on QQ, on Skype, on WeChat, etc, and then started calling me every night. At first it was just to fuss at me, which I took because I felt that she deserved to be angry at me for a while. Then she would just call to cry and breathe, which I also took, because I felt like an ass.
Fast forward to last night. She was crying and raging, and I actually felt really bad, because I do really care about her. She couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't focus at work, etc. She was a mess (or so she was telling me, and I have every reason to believer her). And in a fit of weakness, I told her that we'd get back together. So, now she's happy, and cheerful, and making plans for us during Spring Festival. I know it was the wrong thing to do, but honestly, it hurt us both too much to be apart, and though I'm not exactly happy right now, I feel like I can at least last until I move back to the States next year (for a job), and then maybe, letting us have some time (further) apart may dull the wound a bit.
My hope is that she will move to a bigger city and meet a guy that can help her move on. I think she will (because honestly, she's very uneasy about the lesbian part), and I think it's just a matter of waiting it out. I know this is crazy, and completely disingenuous, but I hate the idea of letting her feel abandoned, and I think that if she feels like she is ending things, she will feel better about the whole thing. I'm not in a rush to move on. And I live a few provinces away, so, I'm pretty free to do what I want (I'm not sleeping with anybody or even dating anyone though, and I wouldn't until we were officially over).
She is not the traditional Chinese girl, to say the least.
TLDNR: How do I let my overly attached girlfriend down gently?
11 years 18 weeks ago in Relationships - China
The best way may be the hardest in the beginning, but in the end will be the best.
Just make a clean break. Its over and she will learn to move on.
invite her over for one last "goodbye" , that is the problem you never gave her a last "goodbye". then when you 2 are into it, have me enter the room . i will "play with you" and then she will get the picture. (make sure there are no knives in your home first)
TedDBayer:
To be fair share yourself with both of them. I will help them separate.
crimochina:
i am an ordained minister, so i can have a "pray the gay away" session.
Interesting story, you are brave for having a girlfriend here in China. In my opinion you should try to break with her...if you think that it's going to be too difficult I think that you can do it when you move to the states. But only if it's really difficult.
First, let me just say, thank you. Thank you for the wonderful images running through my mind right now.
Seriously though, welcome to relationshipville. Now you know what a lot of us guys go through all the time. It is really, really hard to break up with someone when they are crying and ranting at you every night. Unfortunately, Chinese girls seem to have this down to an art form.
In a relationship, gay, straight or whatever, the person doing the breaking up needs to be strong. When you break it off, don't take her calls, emails or knocks on your door at 2AM.
The quicker you turn your heart to stone, the quicker she will actually be able to cope with getting over you. If you let her call you all the time, then it is just one big drama fest that does no one any good.
And hoping that she meets someone else so you can get off the relationship hook, well, that is just cowardly. A lot of people are in dead relationships because they couldn't be brave enough to just walk away.
I feel sorry for the poor bastard she "moves on with." If she's a lesbian she should be a lesbian.
I know a few stories about gay women and men getting married to the opposite sex then a few years later deciding they want to be gay instead. It's not fair to the person she marries. One friend of mine's sister decided she was going to come out after four years of marriage and a baby. Now her poor husband is single and in his late 30s with a child in tow trying to find a new partner....years of his life stolen from him by a selfish person.
she is young, they often overreact to break-ups, and she will be fine when she meets someone new. don't make it any worse if you are not serious to be with her.
So...what now? You're in love with a woman but you're not a lesbian? Riiiight. This is to be expected from a Chinese girl. Super attached and immensely childish when they don't get their way. I'm surprised she didn't threaten to kill herself.
I'm sorry to say that there may not be any way to let her down easily. You could try to get her to break up with you by making her really angry but expect the same kind of behavior if you try to end it unilaterally.
I don't see how this question is any different from any other relationship question...
You know what you ought to do... you're just looking for a push from someone else (cos you're lacking the... 'courage' perhaps??)
grimya is in need of some company you should give him a call
who needs echina dating 
