I know nothing Chinese culture.

However, as a western person I have to admit I sounds pretty challenging to live with your wife's parents - if not impossible. I can understand you decided to live in China, but living with her parents is begging for trouble.

You should definitely move out - as quick as possible. If you can you should bring your wife with you. IF you love her, want to spend the rest of your life with her and you two are happy together - and on IF this apply - you should do everything in your power to convince her to move together with you.

A really good place to ask questions like this is here: http://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/
They are much better handling relationships than I am

It's always difficult to give advices knowing so little of the situation.

But from what you say, you and your wife should live in your own appartment and not with her parents. A Chinese girl alone it's already a nightmare, but with her parents together it's the end of the world (I'm talking by experience). A Chinese girl will always do what her parents want, no matter what and no matter they're right or wrong.

Find an apartment for you, give it some times, and after a couple of weeks ask your wife if she wants to move in your apartment. If she says no, then ask for legal advices on how to get a divorce....

Myself I have been thinking many times to divorce, but with a child now, well I prefer to make sacrifices for him and the rest I don't give a damn anymore (I just say to myself no Chinese in my next life)
Otherwise, since the beginning, I fixed the rules in my house not her parents : parents want to move with us when she was pregnant....no, you don't. Parents want to move with us when the baby is born...no, you don't. Parents come to see us for a week, they cook only the night for them and my wife and leave the kitchen clean for lunch when I have to cook for my child.

But still, I would need to do like the Chinese government and put a white board on which I write what they are allowed to and what they're not...

I would curious to know how many foreigners with a Chinese wife/girlfriend are in the same shit...

Flogging a dead horse mate. She will always side with her parents if you cant put up with it get out now while you can.

very simple leave it alone. if you married her in your home countrygo back and file for divorce. a marriage is not just about love. the situation must be compatible for both of you. never sacrafice happiness for love. find someone that suits you better or live life as a single man . be happy either way

Walk away, and if she really loves you she will leave her parents and come back to you. If not just move on.
Get a job here teaching English and start dating another girl, and see how she reacts.

I'm assuming your wife is Chinese? If so, it seems that while there are those Chinese women who are open minded and do not let their parents (particularly their mothers) control everything, the majority of them are not like that. You have to realize that just as you are from a culture where couples are independent, make decisions together as a unit, and overall on average do not allow their parents to dominate the relationship she is from a culture that is the exact opposite. That being said it's a matter of who is willing to change, you or her. You know her better than I do so you are in a better position to determine if you think she'd be willing to accept moving out and becoming a duo (and not a trio with mom). You obviously love her so you should at least try and discuss the idea with her. Be prepared for if and when she is not willing, however, as she is from a culture that is much more resistant to change and less open to new ways of doing things. If she is unwilling that leaves it up to you. You love her to death but can you handle being miserable, allowing her parents to control everything? Are you okay with being the one who sacrifices everything while she sacrifices nothing? Even if she accepts to stay with you this time, what will happen the next time you have a fight and her mom tells her to leave you again? Will she listen that time ? I often say that if love was enough to carry a relationship, we wouldn't have the high rates of divorce we have today. It takes so much more than love; you need a willingness from both sides to compromise, which it sounds like you have. Now you have to evaluate for yourself if your wife does, too, and if not is that something you can live with?

It breaks my heart reading your story, Straw. I really hope everything works out for the best and you make the best decision for yourself. Take care.

first of all living with the parents is a big problem thier is only 1 person wearing the pants and thats daddy you need to talk to tyour wife about you too having your own life this is the most important thing id move out of the house with your wife and if she isnt willing to or just plan wont its a problem you have to deal with and makea tuff decision i feel for you brother

Hi,there can be lots of unknown factors an average westerner doesnt take in to account when married to somebody Chinese,i am also married to Chinese girl moved here last year because my wife didnt like my country uk,maybe you havent said if you have children which will be a huge consideration to her parents,they will think after one year she should be pregnant any age difference,and no children will multiply problem,i also get asked for advice than ignored but i think thats just normal here,will be mama baba ,and yeye nana whos advice is taken not ours,living with parents very difficult get your own flat,living with your wifes family is seen as bad in China ,hope things work out you seem very genuine,good luck

Life is short try to enjoy it.

Why are you living in a situation where you allow other people to control what happens in your marriage? Stand naked and in front of a mirror looking down. Do you see a couple of round things hanging between your legs? No? I thought not.

Go, let them rot in whatever crappy village they live in. They can have crap healthcare, 4,000 kuai a month and no citizenship in a decent country.

its not the first time i hear this......actually i am trying to find an example of foreigner married in China with no marriage problems...and i can not. And yes...the chinese parents will always be a source of civil ballast...

I believe others have provided sufficient answers. My only advice would be to move out, maybe stay at a cheap hotel for a few days and give everyone time to cool off and think about it carefully. Don't rage quit. After a few days, approach your wife and have a serious talk with her. If she won't see reason then it'd be best to get the divorce. It sounds like you didn't know her as well as you thought you did. I'm posting your question onto the forums of LoveLoveChina. You might get some different advice.

Beaut says approach your WIFE and have a serious talk with HER! NOT the parents. It's hard in any culture to live as man and wife in a parent's home. The spouse often feels inferior to his or her parents, land that they have to do as the parents say, and not what is best for the couple.

Like they said, move out. Get an apartment. In a few days, after things have settled and your wife realizes that you won't be walked on any more... maybe she'll come around. If she doesn't... she doesn't deserve you.

The family is far too traditional for a cross cultural relationship to work, unless you are willing to compromise almost all your values. Some men are and find it rewarding, the problem comes when you want to hang onto the ones you really feel strongly about. That can get frustrating. Remember where you are and when in Rome. That doesn't mean you have to give up everything just everything when you are with family. My wife is very traditional but her family has nothing to do with our relationship so it doesnt feel so bad. I get out as often as I can and that makes a big difference although I live in Shekou and some foreigners don't always have that luxury. I recall rerading that 50% of Chinese prople didn't mind their daughters marrying a foreigner... that leaves...

U shouldn't come, should live in ur country.
It's sad, but there r such people everywhere, listen to their parents never think by themselves.

Do u love her? If u do, try to take her back home with u, if not, just go, u don't really have more choice.

Thanks a bunch people,some really helpful words for me, well anyway i di what a lot of you suggested and just decided to take off for a bit yesterday evening /night, and it only took a few hours before mama gei wo da dianhua asking me please come back and everyone sorry yadda yadda. But i didn't want to cave so easily, so i made sure that mrs and mom knew exactly how i felt, and believe it or not through the grace of someone/something. They actually finally got what i've been saying and feeling!

So Everyone had a good ol' cry down. So i guess that the correct approach was to make my self heard clearly and to make sure everyone is on the same page, if not then (if)next time i only need to look out for me.

Good for you Straw!!! Way to man up!

where is the issue? I cant see any content from the OP

No matter what happened.

"Add oil"

I will sound stupid but smile my friend smile and everything will be eventually alright................any help just tell me..i think i can do something for you................Good Luck and God Bless