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Posts: 128

Governor

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Q: My Chinese friend has bought me lunch for the eighth time now. wtf?

My god, this habit has got to stop. What happened to good old every man for himself. These guys have taken me out an infinite number of times have literally impeded me from paying, even once. Everytime I see them, I feel so guilty. This is why I rarely go out with them anymore. Anyone face this problem?  How to deal with it without entering a heated back and forth 'No, I'll pay...' argument ??? 

12 years 20 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
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Posts: 1318

Emperor

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Well you could either talk to them about it before going out. Tell them that you want to have a chance to show them respect as well by paying for the dinner.

Or get creative when it comes to bill paying.  Towards the end of the meal, get up to use the bathroom and pay then without them knowing.  Flirt with the waittress so she'll side with you when it comes check time. Do some reverse pickpocketing by sliding money into your friends pocket without him knowing.

TedDBayer:

reverse pick pocket not good idea if there is ever a thought that you might be pick pocketing if seen

12 years 11 weeks ago
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DaBen:

Na, if you're close enough friends to worry about wanting to pay your part of the bill and you get caught, they'll be able to figure out what you were trying to do.

12 years 11 weeks ago
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12 years 20 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1084

Shifu

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If you invite them for dinner, then you are the one paying. So you can just say that and they can't counteract.

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12 years 20 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1630

Emperor

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Stop countin' and enjoy the ride........don't worry, they are very good at getting subtle paybeck. I am sure that this is one of the ways they use to practice their English. As well as that, it puts them in good social standing to be continuously seen with you. There's always an alterior motive, and it's not necessarily a bad thing.

You will know when to draw the line. A polite refusal is not the end of the world.

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12 years 20 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1968

Emperor

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The poster "DaBen" above has provided you with some very good ideas.  Additionally, bear in mind face.  Bear in the mind the difference in paycheck.  No way would I let a Chinese friend or coworker take me out to lunch or dinner so many times and pay for it.  It is also a matter of face.  You need to keep your relationships in balance here.  It is an unspoken but it is very  important.  They pay -- you pay next time.  Just find a way to do it.  Otherwise, you are going to end up owing them so much "face" that it will take you a long time to right the situation.

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12 years 11 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2604

Shifu

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Just tell them 'No' means 'No', and you won't accept anything less. It's like bargaining you know your friends want to give you a good deal, but sometimes you just have to refuse. You can't get everything you want and just let them know 'No' means 'No' and anything less would be uncivilized.

Tako:

I wish it was that easy with them chinese. No never works for me.

11 years 12 weeks ago
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12 years 11 weeks ago
 
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