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Q: My problem with the English guy
I met an English guy,he is 25,I am 26.He asked me to go the club and then latter he told me the reason he asked me go with him just because he needed a company,he didn't want to go there alone.Then he brought me the drink and started asking me what is my father's business?And he asked me to tell something about my family and asked me if I had religon.I told him my family is not rich,just have the enough money to live a comfortable life and I am not in a seriously religon(he is not in a religon).After that we walked back without speaking a lot,I gave him 100rmb for the bill he paid for me and ran back to home quickly since he refused to take the money.I said to him thank you for your time.And now we act more like strangers,just he waves to me when he sees me.
What he wants?
10 years 41 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Just sounds like he wasn't that interested in you. Not the end of the world.
sounds like he was just being friendly, nothing more. You are now a local friend who he can wave to.
sounds like he's a decent smart guy who isn't willing to let himself be taken advantage of by foreign passport chasers.
crimochina:
i'm sorry but if you hate women change "teams" or just call yourself a chinese guy. why even bother dating if you are going to assume every girl is a passport chaser?? and who's to say you can't have some short term fun with passport chasers.
crimochina:
oh and by the way if you knew anything about women you would know the gesture of offering to pay is a clear indication she is not a gold digger or passport chaser. the night was over and there was no magic happening. there was no need to offer to pay for her half.
thank you for your time??sounds more like a business meeting ....wtf?!
and is quite rude, btw
and what he wants? How can "we"know it...
例子：你看你这架势就是个老外。
if you didn't talk much and ran away from him what is he to think, maybe that you didn't like him. Maybe he was just looking for a friend maybe not. If you did that to me i would say Hi on the street and not ignore you, that is just rude. if you want to get to know him, then talk to him, other wise do nothing.
crimochina:
no no no, it is the man's job to keep things interesting.show interest in her and romance her. he screwed up by telling her he only wnted company at the club. he was more interested in creating a show for other people to see him at the bar with a pretty lady than the "after party" . i seriously think this dude is gay.
Victoria1987:
I taked to him,but he told he was busy and avoid talking too much with me.
Uh, sounds like you met a nice guy who wanted some company and now waves "hello" when he sees you.
What's the problem?
GuilinRaf:
And if he HAD tried to bang her, then all foreigners are sick and she STILL would have been offended....
he is a complete and total moron. what the puck is up with the young generation of guys? they are more about show and tell than some chinese. listen sweety, he probably is gay and was using you as a beard (somewhat) forget him.
invite a girl out just for show at the club and do not try to romance her, seriously?
attention all guys!!!!!!!!! women want to be romanced, man the puck up and do your damn jobs!!! the dude is handling all he can with 3 , so you gotta at least handle one.
back to vicky: keep trying. maybe you need to move to a smaller city like qingdao, i promise a guy here will take you out for a romantic evening and you will wake up satisfied and ever so happy (be sure to take ummm the "medicine", don't want any surprises down the line).
Vicky: i think you have become famous through this forum, and he just wanted a night out with the infamous victoria1987 from shanghai.
MondoRosa:
Or maybe that's the problem. Perhaps he found out, is familiar with her posts, and concluded that he didn't want details of their relationship to become fodder for the echinacities crew! Too late!!
The other thing you are perhaps not considering is that most men have at least a few boxes they like to have checked before going to bed with a women. He asked her out to see if there was a spark...no problem. Maybe this dude had a criteria that was simply not being met. I am sure if she had have hit his mark then he would have put his romance hat on.
crimochina:
cute, disease free, ... what else do you you need to have sex with a woman?
Sorry to tell you that he seems to just want someone for company ,not even a friend,let alone a GF.
You can do that to him too, say hello ,then go away.
Victoria1987:
I don't think he likes me.I am going to hunt a new boy.
In general English are much slower in coming forward to a lady than most other nations I have met. Obviously this is only a guess, as I wasn't there to see and hear the details but my guess is he was interested and so asked you out, but for whatever reasons the conversation was one sided, i.e. you weren't sending 'interested' signals back and so he felt you weren't interested in him, so he tried to disengage without hurting your feelings.
The saying he wanted you to go with him only because he needed company MAY have been a clumsy attempt to put you at your ease by pointing out he wasn't going to try to pressurise you into sex on a first date, the fact that he didn't want to accept your money makes me suspect this was the situation. If you like the guy dig him out and start a neutral conversation, (i.e. not about anything personal or delicate), keep it going for 10 - 15 minutes, if he disengages he isn't interested, if he tries to continue the conversation he probably is (and he will probably be very confused at this stage as he will think you weren't interested on the 'date').
Victoria1987:
I think you might be right,but he asked me what is my Dad's business,I hate that question.At that moment,I just wanted to rush out of the bar,I am not sure about him.And before he asked me to the club he told me he saw there were a lot of good looking American men in the club and I should come with him.He liked me?I am not sure.Ps:I have rent my room 5 minutes walking away from the international hostel I was living,so I often spent my time in the hostel bar,I met this English guy in the hostel.Just now,I met him again,I was sitting there,and he came to say hi to me and asked me how is it going.We had a brief chatting,and I asked him if he wanted to move to my sofa,he said no and went to sit in another sofa.I then went to his sofa and chat with him,he just spent one minute chatting with me and told me:Sorry,he is busy.I don't think he likes me,forget about the stupid thinking.I should go for a new guy.
Hugh.G.Rection:
Yes, sounds like he's not interested for whatever reason. Remain polite but distant from now on would be my advice.
Victoria1987:
I still remain polite to him,I said goodbye to him before I left this afternoon.Maybe he wanted a rich chinese girl.I don't kown,just guessing.
bernhardtra:
He probably mentioned the good looking Americans to see what your reply would be. He wanted you to say they did not interest you and why. He was fishing to see if you had an interest elsewhere, maybe to him or a bf. You took offense at him asking about your father's job, because culturally you do not want to be seen at a lower social level. I doubt he cares about your father's job, he just wanted to have conversation and know you. Knowing what your father did for a living would have given him more ways to create more topics for conversation.
If you had said your father was a farmer, he could have talked about his families' ancestry with farming. He could have asked how you viewed farming here vs. the West. I know when I met my fiancee I asked these same questions. I got all lies about it. I did not care about the background, it is just a way of getting to know the person. I think you gave him a clear signal that you want nothing to do with him. Maybe he made some cultural mistakes, maybe not, but I think he got your message quite clearly. If you want to improve upon it talk to him, even if to simply develop a friendship.
Victoria1987:
One guy told me he bet the English boy asked me many questions is making story for fucking me
Victoria1987:
I am thinking can to find the same excuse(I wanna company) to ask him to the bar if I can see him again on tomorrow. But he told he doesn't want to get married.Do you think if I should still try to get him since I want to get married?
Victoria1987:
Today I went to the hostel bar to look for him from12pm until night,I can't find him,I guess he is gone.
I think it is my fault,I lost him.
Come to Hangzhou.... 
crimochina:
forget hangzhou come to qingdao for a weekend, i promise you will get everything you want. you may even decide to stay in qingdao so you can continue getting what you want.
nicholasba:
come to wulumuqi. Why?Coz Im there and I will fill everything
...
I'm not quite sure why this is even an issue.
The guy wanted some company, you obliged and he didn't try to get you into bed. He even paid.
Why are you so confused.
crimochina:
seriously, doesn't anyone get it? she is a young woman, many young women (few would admit it) feel insulted when a guy does not try to into bed with them. it hurts their self esteem, they start to doubt themselves. am i the only man who knows this?
nicholasba:
well, if you want to get banged you re in the right place
crimochina:
vicky then why do you keep turning down my invites to qingdao, i send you 100 pms a day!!!!!!!!!!!!! did you have admin block me? 
happywanderer:
So... She's hot and hot for it. Some things just transcend cultural and language barriers - I think this is my favourite echinacities question.
On behalf of Australian men, I will gladly rectify the neglect shown by our British cousins...
crimochina:
isn't clear what she wants? maybe those guys keep backing away because they see that she knows what good sex feels like, and she is expecting it from every foreign guy she meets. maybe they are afraid they can't cut the mustard. i also see why see keeps ending up with these losers. she needs to leave the foreign guys, who stay in hostels ,alone. they probably are more into drugs than women.
Just sounds like he wasn't that interested in you. Not the end of the world.
Just sounds like he wasn't that interested in you. Not the end of the world.
What happened to your foreign boy friend ?
TedDBayer:
i thought you were living with a foreign BF before. If you meet someone, just behave nice and friendly, don't jump in bed with them. This is the only way you will find someone that wants to be with you.
GuilinRaf:
Because you are whiny and needy and immature and selfish and shallow. If anyone approaches you , it will be for a short time and then move on to a more adult and real woman.
If I have ever seen a girl who is destined to die an old maid, it is you.
My advice? Forget Western men, stick to chinese boys.
crimochina:
gr: too harsh. you have too understand her biology is is driving her crazy. she is approaching the magic number of 30. she needs it on a regular but does not know it. she does not know why she is feeling the way she does. chinese women are not taught anything about the female body. remember , she's had a foreign bf in the past. so she has experienced great sex, once that faucet is turned on it can't be turned off. it is driving her catty. guys need to learn how to tell when a women is in serious heat. even if you don't want a relationship with her, put the work in for a few nights to unclog her pipes so she can get back some sanity. because not getting it is driving her insane. remember , women need it just as much as we do if not more, but they do not know it.
Victoria, after reading your tale of woe in hugh's thread, I must repeat HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY? Now, it's quite normal if you just start chatting to somebody, to head out for a drink. I've made some good friends hanging out while backpacking - but an invitation for a drink doesn't mean he wants your babies. If you kepp going up to him, you'll start to look desperate.
Don't start saying he must be a bad person or a gold digger just because he didn't try to hook up with you. GR is right, it makes you look silly.
If you must 'hunt' for guys then for the love of god, please try to look for a person, not just any old foreigner. Crimo! Read again!!!
Victoria1987:
I never look for old foreigner,I like young foreign men,lol
crimochina:
missa , vicky is not a gold digger, she is looking for a guy who can rock her the right way. chinese guys just cant't fill the position. she's been touched in areas of her body that chinese guys just can't reach. she wants those areas touch continually. until her parent make here marry some boring numbskull that paid her family a large sum of money.
i do not know why guys can't pick up on all the clues.
angelina8:
Hunt is the keyword. He sensed he was being hunted.
Men are not objects, just like women are not objects. You either change your attitude or will end up with an immature guy. I'm not saying being immature is a bad thing, some guys think it's cute when you run away because you can save face.
"I think you might be right,but he asked me what is my Dad's business,I hate that question.At that moment,I just wanted to rush out of the bar,I am not sure about him.And before he asked me to the club he told me he saw there were a lot of good looking American men in the club and I should come with him.He liked me?I am not sure.Ps:I have rent my room 5 minutes walking away from the international hostel I was living,so I often spent my time in the hostel bar,I met this English guy in the hostel.Just now,I met him again,I was sitting there,and he came to say hi to me and asked me how is it going.We had a brief chatting,and I asked him if he wanted to move to my sofa,he said no and went to sit in another sofa.I then went to his sofa and chat with him,he just spent one minute chatting with me and told me:Sorry,he is busy.I don't think he likes me,forget about the stupid thinking.I should go for a new guy."
vicky, no one in china taught you how to be your own person. when asked a question about your family simply say, "I sorry but i do not like talking about my family"
find a guy you find attractive, go up to him and say. "i just want a one night stand, are you up for it? "
because what you need to understand is that the foreign guys that live in hostels are losers. clearly they have no interest in women.
crimochina:
and by the way, where does she say she wants a relationship that would lead to marriage? where ? she says she wants a bf? can anyone figure that out ? are you telling me there is not 1 man with the goods in shanghai willing to have sex with a women who is desperately seeking sex. ?????????????????
Vicky, maybe you should look for an old foreigner, they don't wear out as fast as Chinese men. And they are easy ti catch,
Your posts over a period of time are always whining about foreign men. You've made your point. Foreigners are bad. Move onto to something else. It's gone past boring.
Victoria, you need to find a good guy and settle down.
crimochina will take good care of you... why do you resist his advances? Can't you see what you're missing out on? He'll take care of all your needs, and more. You'll never have to go back to three inches again.
Here we go again, same discussion, why to even bother. Yes the "lady" wants to catch a foreign guy and she is clueless. How many foreign guys have you "been with" Victoria? Hope you are using protection, "Lady". Crimochina, just to let you know, not all foreign guys are great lovers, and vice versa about Chinese. Its not about what you do, but the fact you are different to them, not that you are a better lover - you are from the West, that is all. P.s After all that I witness and hear here in China about Chinese girls and women virtually chasing men and forcing themselves onto foreign men any and every possible way; I really don't understand why people talk about them as different/better/purer?? than Western women. OMG they are actually worse.
Hulk:
It depends on where you are, really. Chinese women are much, much better (in general) than the western women in my hometown. Go to the next town over, and I'd rather be with one of those western women instead of most Chinese girls.
But thank God I found my wife... better than all western and Chinese women combined, even if she drives me absolutely insane sometimes.
first .... without looking through a lot of meaningless threads ...... How old are you?
do you like men, sometimes?
do you want a permanent /lasting relationship?
how many and what languages do you speak/know?
answer these question s and I bet .... I bet a Grey Cup ring ..... that within a couple days, your life will be fulfilled .....................
my suspicions however are that you are not ready to commit to anything...... I do know some nice guy like that to...... dinner and karaoke and fun and maybe see you agin if you ever come back to y town in China ..... thanks ....bye bye
Hulk, I find it insulting to generalize western women, just like any other women. There are some very"free" western women, but many are not!! I have read enough nonsense/bashing here in these forums about western women, look a little closer, how do you view, treat the Chinese women and what are in general your expectations from them and then, think back at being back home how different were your expectations and I mean be fair. We are all more forgiving,little more accepting, patient and certainly have different expectations in China. I doubt you'd accept the whining, demands and controlling attitude, dependence, family meddling and much more from a western woman; yet its all fine if a fragile Chinese flower behaves like that.
Victoria1987:
Hulk told I am a sleep around whore.I slept with myf3 ex boyfriends and the other 2 men I fell for latter,I loved them.Hulk is a very narrow and rude person.He was my old chatting friend,he always made me laugh when I was sad,but seriously I don't like him call me sleep around whore.Hulk,be careful of the words sleep around whore,I am not just looking for sex,just as a chinese woman ,I act more western,I think it is nothing wrong to sleep with the man I fell for before get married.
I asked the English writer I slept to stay for me,he didn't want to stay in China,I let him go,when he left,I cried,but he didn't see my tears.If I cry for someone,it is not sleep around,it is not a real one night stand,I want this guy.Hulk:
tateus, you misunderstood me. Go back and read what I had to say.
Victoria... you're a bit... ah, never mind.
